Tag Men

FATHERHOOD (being FATHER or a FATHER)

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment



FATHERHOOD is the most culturally, socially, politically, and spiritually abused and weaponised concept, status and power in the world, but especially in Africa.

It doesn’t matter where you turn everywhere and everyone wants to impose FATHERHOOD or FATHERSHIP on the world around them. Father – Tata – Papa- Baba often used as a term of endearment, honour and respect is now a weapon of oppression, abuse and primitive extraction of personal benefits and power. I call this process or concept FATHERISATION (Fatherism), ‘Paparization’, Babarization or Tatarization of faith, politics, business and society !

But before we discuss the negative consequences of Babarisation, Paparisation or Tatarisation (Fatherism), what is FATHERHOOD? Here is my take :-

HAPPY Belated Father’s day to all my Comrades & brothers across Africa. Fatherhood is lifelong opportunities to put others’ needs before your own, care for another’s physical, spiritual, financial, intellectual & emotional well-being, and practice true unconditional love.

FATHERHOOD creates a deliberate balance between material, emotional, intellectual, ethical, physical& spiritual nourishment that in-turn creates a space, place, freedom & support for children to grow in their interests, choices, values, ideas, faith & character.

FATHERHOOD is Responsible Stewardship & Service to your children. It means service by helping your kids nurture their nature. Ensuring that your actions are helping & not hindering them. Fatherhood – being in service and influencing children- requires skills & patience. You learn fatherhood through observation, studying and doing. Don’t observe the wrong things or read the wrong templates because you will end up practicing the wrong things. If you already are practicing destructive fatherhood, course correct fast! The consequences will haunt you for life. If you hurt or super spoil your kids now, you will have a lifetime of regret and consequences to deal with!.

FATHERHOOD is about setting an example through your own actions, words & thoughts of responsible, compassionate, respectful & productive malehood to your sons & daughters. First as a role model. Hopefully a reliable & trustworthy friend to them when they’re older. You need to maintain balance. Even God says “those whom I Love , I discipline”. Discipline without love is aimless punishment and love without discipline is concealed hatred !

FATHERHOOD is a free – and often forfeited – lifelong graduate Masterclass to learn skills and develop attributes through lessons that are not offered anywhere else in the world. You learn from your children (biological, adopted or co-opted) even as you nurture, guard, guide and inspire them!


FATHERHOOD is LEGACY Building and Preservation. Each of our families is made up of centuries of LEGACY built into a complex tapestry. FATHERHOOD is also, therefore, about living up to that legacy (good or bad). It may also be about creating a NEW LEGACY and broadening parameters of imagination, experience, vision & achievement. It should be about breaking old bad or negative cycles in families, including inter-generational poverty often passed on from one generation to the next.

FATHERHOOD is the bold practice of LOVE. It requires the older to become a student of the younger whom they are nurturing and mentoring. Fatherhood is the ultimate challenge, risk, fear, meaning& the ultimate pleasure in life of any man. Be patient and focused. Your child is your responsibility no matter how much you loathe, despise or regret ever meeting the co-parent. You cannot hate a part of you and be stupid enough to blame this on the Co-parent .

      The circumstances under which your seed became a human don’t matter nor do they diminish your responsibility and accountability one bit. Fatherhood is not a moral position, it is an irrefutable responsibility for, to, through and over your children

      FATHERHOOD is not the Liberal or indisciplined donation of Sperm (consciously or subconsciously) and then being forced to maintain the consequences of your donation or you running away from the responsibility over your seed. MEN; let us be accountable, responsible before & after & not just selfish.

      FATHERHOOD is a key relationship cog to building healthy societies. Its pervasive dysfunction explains why we struggle to fix government, development, and our value systems. You cannot fail to take care of children you sired and then want to defend the interests of “CITIZENS” as a businessman, artist, activist, academic, faith leader, Traditional leader, politicia etc. Who are the “CITIZENS” if not folks raised well or badly by their parents? Folks abandoned, rejected, abused or truly loved and mentored by their fathers? We are trying to fix in the nation what we are destroying each day in every home through irresponsible FATHERHOOD, Fatherism, Paparisation, Babarisation or Tatarization of society. Malehood without an ounce of responsibility or even accountability.

      Brothers, Comrades, Friends : Charity begins at home. Let us change our ways !

      FIX MEN IN ORDER TO FIX AFRICA!

      Brian Kagoro Leave a comment

      When we were growing up Sexual and gender-based violence was often inappropriately referred to as “domestic affairs” by police authorities. Our society sanitized domestic violence and sexual predatory conduct as “normal male conduct”. Until the Women’s Movement taught us that the personal is political and the private is public. This is an invaluable insight because our society often ‘privatizes’ abusive behavior that we ought to appreciate as both political and public.

      Irresponsible and Unaccountable Masculinity

      Each time a teacher or male relative or neighbor ‘raped’ an under-age girl, the rapist was treated like royalty and a quick marriage or payment of damages to the girl’s parents done. These pedophiles never stopped and no one ever held them to account. Their victims were ignored, silenced, or shamed by the community. This idea that the male species has unfettered immunity and impunity to behave badly at home and away explains the larger problem with impunity in our society.

      Male children were raised and socialized into unlimited privilege and absolutely no responsibility and certainly no or limited accountability. What do you expect? These same children became husbands, fathers, chiefs, CEOs, managers, preachers, traditional healers, teachers, doctors, lawyers, councilors, MPs, and even Presidents. Their authority and status did not ever have to be linked to responsibility and/or accountability. Some continued their pedophilia, sexual predation, abuse, and unaccountable behavior. When reports are made to the police, they pay their way out of responsibility and accountability.

      We – the men- wield authority, power, and privilege almost as an entitlement, an exclusive possession. We are not – for the most part- familiar with the idea of mutuality in leadership or the notion of co-leadership, let alone co-created solutions. This idea of exclusivity that is not reciprocal permeates every aspect of male life. We -the men- tell lies, are unfaithful, do not account for anyone, but we demand truth, faithfulness, accountability, and exclusivity from our female lovers and/or spouses. Of course, there are women who are unsurpassable at this cheating game (legends).

      As men, we live and behave as though it is entirely up to us to choose whether or not to be responsible and accountable in the enjoyment of our multiple privileges and immeasurable private and public power. We can sire children, contribute nothing to their upbringing, and pitch up during a girl’s Lobola (bride price) ceremony to unashamedly play the father. It is one thing to be irresponsible and unaccountable, but quite another to be shameless. I am told that Tswana culture has a remedy for this stupid behavior.

      Men can philanderers, abandon their spouses and children only to return terminally ill expecting to be nursed as of right. The Male status, socialisation, and bastardization of culture allow us as men to constantly reap where we never sowed and to sow where we never water or nurture. And society has an entire bank of excuses for our bad behavior! We never care to reflect on the harm and hurt we cause because responsibility is not our thing!

      Fix men in order to fix AFRICA

      Starting at the family level, we have established a system of assignment of privilege that is both corrupt and corrupting. If you want to fix Africa, end impunity, abuse, corruption, violence, and abuse ….. fix the Men & boys!

      Don’t look beyond the home and family to understand our national and continental governance challenges. Fatherhood (or Manhood, Maleness, etc), power, and privilege without responsibility or accountability is the source of Africa’s problem. We can transform Africa based on minimal contribution for maximum returns, power without accountability, and responsibility. The African crises are male and we must fix Malevolent Masculinity. Start with responsibility and accountability!

      STOP MAKING SILLY EXCUSES!

      When you come to national or political leadership, how many times have you heard these moronic statements:


      1. The President is surrounded by deadwood! Who fetched the deadwood and from where?


      2. Politics is a dirty game, he is doing what it takes to survive


      3. Power is like a tige, once you ride it never alight or else you become food


      4. Let’s give him a chance, he needs time to clean up the old system that he was part of ? And how did he remain clean in a dirty system and even get promoted?


      5. The leader is a good man, but his children and that wife of his ? Excuse me fruit does not fall too far away from the tree. Like children, like father.

      We all must stop being silly and stop making excuses for ruling rascals! Any leader that chooses to surround himself with deadwood and corrupt sycophants is their high priest. He is the High Priest of Corruption and deadness of thought ! Remember that our choices are one of the best indicators of who we are and what we value most . There you have it ! If your leader is surrounded by hoodlums, thieves and thugs …that is who and what he is !