Tag Love

We are now ELDERS

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment

COVID-19, Cancer, HIV/Aids, Old Age, accidents and the cruel hand of death constantly interrupt the perfect plans of life, love, joy and happiness! Death – as our Ancestors say – is never satisfied. It takes indiscriminately from infant to octogenarian, rich and poor, beautiful and wise along with the evil, ugly and foolish!

We Have Lost Treasure

Over the last 8 years we have lost many icons and loved ones. We didn’t fully write their stories nor celebrate them enough. We like auto mons, kept moving not sure where we were headed to, but we feared the very possibility of stopping to fully reflect on our losses. All fields of Human endeavour are hemorrhaging: Arts and culture, science and tech, engineers, doctors ,nurses, teachers, lawyers, social scientists , entrepreneurs, faith and traditional leaders, beauty queens and politicians – all gone for good!

Where are they going to and why in such a hurry and in such big numbers? Will we ever see them again? Was their work on earth fully accomplished? We didn’t get to write their heroic stories in their own words before they left us. They didn’t bid us farewell? We never thought that they would leave. We hoped that they would live in perpetuity. Reality only dawned on us each time we had to pen the acronyms of resignation #MHSRIP #RIP. Maybe they are resting, but are we? If they have gone to a happier place, have they left us in a mess with neither social, cultural, economic, political nor spiritual compass (GPS) ? Still, we didn’t have the hand-over dialogues and they too didn’t write? They left us to figure stuff out!

Our Heroes and Icons

This morning when I heard that another Icon had passed on or passed away, my sister said to me “another library has been destroyed” before we downloaded its contents in full. Well, our icons didn’t die empty and we did not remain full either.

When our heroes and heroines – our icons are interpreted by others who don’t understand fully the local context, nuances, humour, expressions, customs, traditions and rituals a lot is lost, distorted or simply unrecognisable in their stories.

You see eghhhh, every one that tells a story does so from their class and cultural vantage point. So our heroes are interpreted to us by others and it is the only version that we have of who they are and by implication, who we are?

We Didn’t Learn, Show us the Way!

We didn’t learn our totems in full. We cannot remember our genealogies either?We didn’t learn our own languages nor do we remember our Proverbs/ wise sayings ?We have no clue about our healing herbs nor the poisonous ones ? We live in concrete jungles full of fumes and far away from the bones and landmarks of our forebears. We are alienated from our very beings, our identity, our culture and we lack native Intelligence. Alas ! We’re now the Elders!

Our Own Elders are gone. Gone are the logistic Ian’s, the Masters of Ceremonies at all family events. Those that solved insoluble family disputes, the unifiers, the peace-builders, the glue that held us intact, the holders of ancient knowledge and wisdom are gone. They are gone, emptied from all our Nations, our neighborhoods, places of worship, the planting fields, the forests, lakes, oceans and other work spaces. In our families, clans and villages the Elders have fallen by the dozens. The iconic professors, Story Tellers, wise sages, medicine men and women, grand Dads and Grand Mothers, aunties and uncles, fathers and mothers too! We, the children, are now the Elders! Who will show us the ways of our people? What do we know in order to show the next generation? We read the books but we never learnt the art of what it means to be ourselves!

We Mastered the Ways of Others , Not Our Own ?

We were busy living on social medium and the urban vibe, the white man’s way, the modern way. We all hardly learned how to do our ways. The Elders always did it on our behalf. No, we didn’t learn anything about how our people process culturally and in terms our customs important events such as birth, traditional weddings, death or anything about our traditional food systems. We saw and heard but understood not. We are now the Elders. What will we teach the next generation? We know nothing and yet we are highly educated and well-spoken ?

Foreign Love and Romance

We express love, pain, joy and surprise not just in a foreign language but using foreign symbols, gestures & expressions ? We believed the lie that our people had no history, culture, science, philosophy nor sense of love and romance ?

Saying Thank You Vs Gratitude

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment


When you were a child your parents taught you never to receive any gift or thing without those two magical words “Thank You”. It could be one word in your indigenous language. So, we all learned to say it almost mechanically. But despite our parents’ best efforts, some amongst us can take, grab or receive without saying “Thank You”.


Think about work mates that steal your ideas, plans and projects without a shade of shame at all. Or bosses and employers that exploit you, pay you peanuts or nothing at all. Think of clients who acknowledge receipt of your great work, refuse, forget or delay paying you ? Who or what do they believe pays your bills or feeds your family ? Some even demand more ?

Imagine the child that lives under your roof, eats food that you buy, dresses in clothes that you sweat hard to buy, uses a mobile phone and data bought with your money or drives your car and still fails to say “Thank You”? Children can forget that you’re human and only remember you when they want something or need to go somewhere. What Entitlement, What arrogance, What stupidity!

Parents too can feel so entitled to a child’s labour, provisioning, gifts, phone calls and effort that they forget what they taught saying: “Thank You”.

Parents can break the spirit of their children in several ways, including:-


(a) Comparing Siblings as though it is a beauty contest or comparing their children to neighbours or friends’ children as though to say : “you don’t measure up”. Why are you not like so, so and so’s daughter or son?
(b) Demanding endless performance and wanting to live their own failed lives, marriages, careers and parenthood through their kids
(c) Not learning to let go , being control freaks, being over protective and projecting their bitterness and failures and disappointment or even surreal expectations onto their children
(d) Loving your spoilt brats to the point of failing to help them snap out of perennial childishness and splendid displays of irresponsibility. Just because your childhood was hard, deprived or full of suffering does not mean that you should spare your children the privilege of encountering the realities of life. One day you will die and your precious spoilt brat will have to face life totally unprepared. You are cruel , you are careless and reckless to not prepare your child in advance.

GRATITUDE is an attitude of the heart and a condition of the mind or human spirit that appreciates and acknowledges others . It sees small and big things done by others and treasures them. Gratitude is by nature empathetic, it puts itself in the shoes of the doer and values the thoughts behind each deed no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Gratitude values people and not just performance. It is the constant willingness to search for light, life, peace and joy as well as to give these. People are not like trees or grass along your path that you trample upon or pass without noticing. Notice people great and small. Remember people, acknowledge people and appreciate people.

Saying “Thank You” means nothing if it doesn’t come from a grateful heart. It is a mere ritual if it is accompanied by a “But” or some form of grumbling or complaint. ‘Thank You’ is a great phrase, improve on it by learning Gratitude.

Above all, do not be that idiot or fool that only counts and accounts for what you do for other people and you totally fail to appreciate the great and small things other people do for you! Yes you give and have given a lot! BUT , if truth be told , you have received a lot more than you have been willing or wise enough to acknowledge. Be grateful, be thankful for the gift of Life, family, friendship, health, wellbeing and welfare. Serve people and value them!

YOU CANNOT FAKE LEADERSHIP, INTELLIGENCE , LOYALTY or RELATIONSHIPS. Here are the reasons Why!

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment

ENSKILL YOUR CONFIDENCE
Often those people with the most to share or that are always overflowing with ideas also have the most to learn. Great confidence can cover up an ocean of ignorance, naivety, shallowness and incapacity. If you’re wise, create ample room to learn as you teach and to receive as you give!

AVOID MICROWAVE JUDGMENT!
Foolish folks get accolades from reaching quick judgments about situations, people and organisations based on anecdotes and talebearers fantasies or prejudices. In countries where literacy, numeracy and eloquence are worshipped, these attributes are often mistaken for leadership qualities. There are many highly educated embiciles and extremely eloquent morons

Wise folks weigh matters, test spirits, study characters and carefully analyze issues first. They don’t follow every wind of opinion!

MONEY is Essential BUT It isn’t EVERYTHING
If anything, COVID-19 has aptly demonstrated, it is that you can die from it with all the money and fame in the world. For many political heavy weights, celebrities and rich folks, money has answered many things except preserving their lives from COVID-19 scourge. But, you cannot buy life!
This season wonderfully demonstrates to each one of us that our most meaningful contributions in life may actually cost no money at all. Just you being genuine, open, attentive or vulnerable with someone. The ideas of “ROCK MAN”, “IRON LADY”, “SUPERWOMAN or SUPER HERO” that is ever strong, always perfect, ever conquering and never wrong are highways to grand deception, heartbreak and spectacular failure!

You are human, strong maybe but you’re flesh and blood (mortal) with spiritual attributes but you live in a body that gets tired, sickly and sometimes cries out for a break (i.e. physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially etc)

SELFISH folks exploit SELFLESS Ones!
There are human beings (young or old, male or female) that are so selfless (ethical, professional, trustworthy and loyal too) that they will risk everything for people or organisations that they believe in or causes dearest to their hearts. And yet there are also human beings so supremely selfish that thrive by or make a business out of exploiting such selflessness, genuineness and goodness. Stop counting what you have done for people and start objectively appreciating the many things that other people have done for you. The risks and sacrifices that others have made for your success, that same success that you want to reduce solely to your individual efforts! Retell your Story and fill in the missing pages of what other people (great and small, known and unkown) have contributed! You cannot show gratitude for and to the people you refuse to acknowledge!

Whispering scatterers!
In every manner and form of organisation there are folks that thrive by whispering & scattering. Instead of creating solutions or producing results their sole preoccupation is discrediting or scattering great things or efforts made by others. Beware the whispering scatterers! There are there even in your family, church, mosque or sports bar too! There are there in every gender, class, race and ethnicit. Scatterers!

If You Disrespect and Disregard Standards & Values procedures and rules keep mission and vision on track. If they are too rigid, they Stiffle innovation and growth by creating an unimaginative bureaucracy. BUT if you throw them away then you are at the mercy of instinct, avarice, greed and malice. Nothing is so sacred in any organisation that rules, procedures & values have to be constantly waived, manipulated or undermined to achieve the interests, convenience or desires of one person or a clique. Organisational standards, rules , procedures and values apply to all. If you make some individual more equal than others you will suffer from the human-god or part human part animal leadership syndrome unmitigated tyranny or infallible-head disease! It won’t take long for sychophancy, mediocrity and division to become the core features of your organisation!

LEADERSHIP isn’t about GRUDGE settlement.
Some of your best middle managers and leaders are eccentric, awkward or constantly questioning individuals. They don’t always make you feel comfortable or happy, but they bring phenomenal results.
If you allow questions of leadership to be settled through vindictiveness, populism , sychophancy, homeboyism and clientalism without reference to performance, ideological clarity or capacity to think strategically then you are much easier to divide & conquer. Your mediocrity as a leadership is proportional to the quality of and measured by the diversity & creativity of the team around you. The less diversity & creativity, the more mediocre!

CONFIDENCE isn’t about NUMBERS

Feel as confident in and about yourself, your values, ideas, dreams, vision, mission, beliefs & strategy whether there is a cheering crowd following, there are haters shouting & screaming or you are simply walking alone in the jungles or wildernesses of Life.
If you measure your own satisfaction and success through numbers only, then you are deceived. The most transformative decisions that you will ever make will most likely not have a great number of supporters . Your most successful entrepreneurial endeavour might not be an overnight success. Your most powerful song, book, poem, article or sermon might not be in front of crowds! Succeed with or without crowds and relish it!

DON’T Know Everything & Everyone

Do not be an authority on everything and everyone. Do not seek to know everything or everyone or to be known by them. If you can afford to, avoid serial name-dropping or assuming that you know every person you took a selfie with or are in a WhatsApp group with. Your desire to know or associate with great, famous or wealthy people (Oh good-looking ones too) will land you in the company of thieves, murderers, liars , traffickers and abusers. Success by association isn’t Networking 101 – It is faking it and hoping that you will make it! Distinguish between the two. You cannot as an adult go around telling stories about Selfie or WhatsApp group friends and their success as though you have shares in it. Please grow up and try to do so very quickly! You cannot succeed by Selfie or WhatsApp Social Osmosis.

Thank you for reading, enjoy the rest of your day, week or Year.

DO NOT PROCRASTINATE, PAY UPFRONT

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment





Let me repeat what the late Pastor Zivanai D. Manyika (one of my great mentors & friend – ZD) taught me. I was a young lawyer with many accolades and more blind spots. I was very sure of many things and knew a lot less than I thought.

We have countries, communities, families, individuals, churches, mosques and NGOs that live way beyond their means. All of us owe emotional, nutritional, spiritual, cultural, professional, physical, intellectual, relational, familial and financial debts. Every dimension of life demands of us a price, certain risks and sacrifices. It demands that we give or give away somethings in order to receive other things or factors of greater value.

You see, many things that parents and mentors say to you only make sense much later in life. One thing I did though, was that I listened to all my mentors attentively. Each of them was like seasoning of a different type. Some were honey, others chilli 🌶 , others garlic or ginger. Mentors help to chisel characters.

ZD would hold his head in hands and say in a deeply reflective manner: “Baba, in Life, if there is any price, risk or sacrifice for anything – pay it upfront….. no matter how costly or painful it may seem. Delay or procrastination costs much more”. It only made partial sense then as ZD spoke. When I was on my own, a stream of contradictory thoughts would race through my head. Sometimes I would ask myself kuti ‘surely, if you cannot afford something that you want immediately, you simply buy it on hire purchase’.

Why choose the hard path when there are plenty easier options? I always thought. The country (Zimbabwe) was prosperous then and many young professionals lived LaVida on borrowed (hire purchases) clothes, cars, household furniture,etc. ZD insisted and I listened to his difficult, challenging & indigestible wisdom & instructions: Pay Upfront, Pay Now or Pay Soon!

As a result, I avoided unnecessary debt and when I look back, I also avoided unnecessary future pain, suffering & loss by paying for many things upfront ( be it career, studying, working hard, reading, friendships,etc). I still do!

Here are the reasons why:

1. Some of your present pain, your condition, your losses, your struggles etc is as a result of costs that you deferred payment or refused to pay when it would have been less painful to do so! It is about personal growth needs & imperatives that you tried to avoid, evade or ignore! Your pain is the outcome of both CHOICES that you made and those that you deferred or outsourced (to lovers, friends, parents, relatives, workmates or Comrades) .

2. Some of your stories of survival, your relationship Wahala/Nyayas/matata/shida (trouble) and the mess that you blame other people for are truly things you have repeatedly refused to risk, sacrifice or simply change. You want everyone, everything and even God to change to your own selfish, childish, delusional and unsustainable image of life. All legitimate victory comes after battle or competitition, preparation and some significant measure of pain, loss, discomfort, inconvenience. My brother, my sister, my friend, Comrade – pay the cost now! Risk and sacrifice now!

3. You substituted playing/fun for studying in high school or university and you think that you are cursed or have bad luck? No, you have a bad attitude, poor sense of priorities, are undisciplined, lazy or you just feel too sorry for yourself! You may even be delusional or simply carry a silly sense of entitlement! Lose it quickly, I mean -that toxic silliness!

4. THINK : about the seemingly menial job you were unwilling to do, the extra school work or degree you thought you could always do in the future, the business that you did not have the discipline and focus to sustainably build ; the course on language, coding or whatever that you despised or deferred? Ultimately, You will pay with the poor quality of life and diminishing opportunities.

Unfortunately, no amount of Prayer or lucky charms, no Blesser, Prophet, Marabou nor Sangoma can make you to totally avoid carrying your own cross.

Pay Now!

There are people who never had the opportunities for education, self-development, career advancement, and beneficial self-employment because they were too poor to afford these or were discriminated against by the system and so on and so forth – BUT You, your Case is different! You decided or failed to decide!

5. If you don’t read, learn and act now when you have the time, strength & opportunities – you will be forced by life to do so when neither time, strength nor opportunity are available. It is called sacrifice of Foolishness! Please Pay Now !

6. If you do not practice depriving yourself certain conveniences, comforts and privileges, you will unnecessarily suffer later on in life. It is as true for drink/food/diet choices and disease outcomes, as it is for hardwork and professional development. Practice pain and suffering (walk, run, jog, go to the gym, learn a new language, learn to drive, to fly, to swim, to sing, to play an instrument well, learn to cook, to code, to build, to make something with your hands, to write, to analyse….whatever). PayNow!

Avoid paying the prices of life with exorbitant interest rates in the future!

7. If you get away with lying about people, things and places and people believe your nonsensical lies (play-acting or pretense); change quickly when there is still time. There are places where your lying will not work for you, where playing naive or victim will have absolutely no currency at all. There are places and times where and when your lack of integrity and accountability will cost you everything! STOP talking BIG or pretending that you’re at levels that you are not at or that you are an expert on stuff that you know very little about . PUT substance to your posturing: study, read and enskill your passio!

8. If you’re the lazy type that gets siblings, parents, friends, workmates and strangers to do all the work – so that you can steal their work, efforts or credit: Change! Start working, thinking and doing. If all you have ever had to do until now was to turn on your charm volume & taps, there are places where charm and PR are not enough. Places where people want something meaningful and substantive beyond a feel good moment or a truckload of clichĂ©s and platitudes. There are places where your laziness or hollowness will take centre-stage and a big spotlight will be shone on it. No amount of English or French or good accent will suffice. These are places where your cleverness and smart posturing will make you look like the platinum standard of world foolishness!Please pay now!

9. Life is not waiting for you to grow up, to become more responsible, to mature beyond acquisition of things, positions and titles.

10. Peoples’ lives, time and everything else is moving on ! So, if you were the village( township or suburb) beauty or diva …move on !

11. If you were the high-school (or University) hero or genius, reference point of excellence and achievement, pathfinder, pacesetter, first this or that -move on ! If you were the most sought after, wanted, intelligent, handsome, powerful or sexy – Move on!

12. Grow up: set and achieve new milestones and everyday/year/decade successe, build new memories, create new value, push yourself to become the best version of your self as of today and not yesterday!

13. PIn Your Life: if there is any PRICE, COMMITMENT, SACRIFICE or RISK that requires doing or paying : PAY UPFRONT!
Deferred cost, living Life on hire purchase means that you will pay a lot more. Sometimes you may even have to pay such deferred costs with your Life, your health, your job and your relationships. Don’t be foolish – pay upfront for your needs, desires, ambition and vision.

Love Complexities Explained – Part 2

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment

Modular narcissism creates images of consumerism as Love. Images of People consuming things, money, and each other. Like all consumerism, it gets tiring and the fall-outs are hectic. But before the fall-outs, folks use each other irredeemably until they become emotional deserts. You hear some say “I can never love again”? What does that even mean? You’re hurt, offended, bitter, disappointed, dejected, rejected, used, and abused? Emotionally exhausted?

I personally believe that you cannot effectively serve or love anyone that you’re not empathetic towards. Faith in anything or anyone is rooted in passion, love, and trust.

Let’s step back a little and reflect on the idea of Love in Christianity and Islam. These are mere highlights based on my limited personal experiences and understanding.

1. CHRISTIANITY :
Christian researchers and Teachers suggest that there are four(4) kinds of love, namely :

(a) Agape Love/divine love: selfless giving love that gives freely with no thought of return ( 1 John 2:10; Corinthians 8:9-13)

(b) Phileo Love / Brotherly Love: tender affection or friendly endearment which requires reciprocation

(c) Storge Love: Natural affection as in a mother’s love

(d) Eros Love: Sexual or sensual love often expressed between lovers

NB. Each of these categories of love is abused daily. The standard is often personalized, weaponized, or commodified.

The religious standards of love are onerous. Here are a few examples :

– Matthew 22:37-40 says that: ‘You shall love the Lord Your God with All your Heart, with All your Soul, and with All your Mind. This is the First & great Commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself

– 1 Corinthians 13 has 18 characteristics of Love, namely: Patience, Kindness, Not jealous, not boastful, not arrogant, well behaved, not selfish, not easily provoked, does not keep a record of wrongs it suffers, does not rejoice in evil, bears all things, endures all things, rejoices with the truth, hopes in all things, never fails, does no harm and covers up the wrongs of others.

2. ISLAM

There are many ideas that define Love in Islam. Here are a few :

a) Love, Companionship and Affection for other People

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought” [Quran 30:21].

The Quran notes the innate human need for companionship – we are, after all, social beings who do need affection and love. The Quran encourages humans to find a companion and spouse, who can in turn help one understand the importance and joy in sharing affection and mercy.

b) Mutuality of Shared Faith and Brotherhood

“The believers are but brothers, so make a settlement between your brothers. And fear Allah that you may receive mercy” [Quran 49:10].

By equating all believers as brothers, or family, the Holy Quran commands all to love one another as part of a wider family of humankind. In the Quaran, Love should not and cannot be limited to romantic love or spousal love, and instead should be utilized to help build a society of merciful and respectful brothers and sisters (mutuality).

c) Love and Doing Good

“And do good; indeed, Allah loves the doers of good” [Quran 2:195].

This is a commandment to any practicing Muslim – that desire to be loved by Allah, to be able to receive the love of the Most Highest, as the ultimate blessing beyond human imagination. The precondition for such a blessing is simply to do good. This may entail living each day trying to make the right decision in life, with the end goal of doing everything we can to try and receive the love of Allah.

4) Unity in diversity, Temporal-ness of the present life, and Goodness

“To each of you, we prescribed w and a method. Had Allah willed, He would have made you one nation [united in religion], but [He intended] to test you in what He has given you; so race to [all that is] good. To Allah is your return all together, and He will [then] inform you concerning that over which you used to differ” [Quran 5:48].

The Holy Quran underscores two things: first, we were made different to be tested in numerous different ways, and second, in the end, we will all be returned to Allah together despite whatever differences we may have had during our lifetimes here on earth. Knowing that we are all returning to Allah together, despite our different tests and nations, is a stark reminder of the power of loving and respecting one another during our time in this world. The end will be the same for us all. When it all ends we are returning to Allah to account for our deeds – which means we must always treat each other with a certain level of empathy and love.

5) True Love is Always Shared or Given Away!

“Never will you attain the good [reward] until you spend [in the way of Allah ] from that which you love. And whatever you spend – indeed, Allah is Knowing of it” [Quran 3:92].

The Quran teaches about the importance of sharing your love – for only by sharing your love can you truly understand how important it really is. The above verse is an important reminder that we must try to give and share whatever we may have, in the duty towards living in a society of brothers and sisters who respect and love one another as family

I deliberately cited the Quran and Bible because most Christians and Muslims don’t read each other’s texts. They rely on social media and populist interpretation of each other’s faith. Both Islam and Christianity teach the importance of love.

WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS?

My own experience has taught me that LOVE is a WAY of doing things, a lifestyle. Ernesto Che Guevara once said ‘every revolutionary is impelled – moved, motivated, inspired, powered- by LOVE. Love for people and love for the country.

LOVE is the FRUIT of your innermost being, character, and personality as well as seeing & doing things in a particular way. LOVE is a journey, it is often long and unpredictable. Most Love is both a School and a Lesson. You have to teach yourself or be taught to love. Love is also an obligation and to some a divine Commandment. Like any journey, love requires planning and doing. Like any fruit, it must be planted, nurtured through cultivation, and fertilized through the investment of time. It is important to study love like a Lesson and to discipline oneself in and through it like you would in school. Love must be obeyed as a Commandment and enjoyed as an adventure!

True friendship and love do not end, they just assume another form. A different form from the previous one!

Continue reading “Love Complexities Explained – Part 2” →

Love Complexities Explained – Part 1

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment

African

As you mature in life you learn certain important distinctions between friendship, love, abuse and manipulation. In other words, you will have experienced enough abuse and manipulation in the name of friendship and love to know the exact difference. Abusers and users never stop until you stop them or remove yourself completely from their reach. You might be the user or abuser, someone has to read you the riot act. Anyway, my greatest lessons concerning Friendship and Love are the following :

FRIENDSHIP


Friendship is rarely an instant thing. It is often developed over time through shared values, visions, experiences, struggles , pain or loss. Intensity of interaction is not synonymous with friendship. Some of your best friends are people you can go for sometime without talking to them and when you finally reconnect, it is like you were never a day apart .

In this life, you can interact with people, share several interests, even share information and perhaps intimacy. But this does not necessarily make them your friends. They mean well ,but to them you’re an object of curiosity- a fascination. You’re someone that they talk to, interact with, work or play with.

These people like – or enjoy- what you know , what you do , who you associate with or know or even hobbies that you have . When it comes to the crunch, these great people do not know you from a tin of peanut butter and you don’t know them either. If something tragic were to alter your fortunes drastically, these good people would tweet about it , post messages on Facebook, discuss on the Golf Course, in church or at the pub, You would simply be ‘that guy or girl’, just another statistic, a sorry soul they valued when you were as fortunate as themselves

They may feel pity, but not the type of compassion that would make them to go out of their way for you. Even when you go rogue, these great people will watch your madness flourish as long as it does not affect them adversely. They won’t sit you down, tell you off or be tough with you. They found you as a finished product and unless they wish to use you for some personal benefit , they will not attempt to help you grow or advance further in life. They don’t know you like that . In simple terms, these are not your friends, Acquaintances ? Maybe !

LOVE

We live in a world possessed by terminal levels of narcissism. Lovelessness and coldness permeates every aspect of our lives and sometimes it defines the new types of leaders, citizens, teachers, preachers, parents and children. Cruel and impish beings committed to wounding others at the slightest excuse. And folks that cannot distinguish the relationship they have with other humans from the one they have with an ATM , toilet seat , fridge, desk , sofa or road to work .

Our world is a crime scene of endless social, economic, political and sexual accidents as people desperately try to get their love-needs met through mutual consumption arrangements. Some folks should honestly write on their foreheads “searching for a usable person that I might also abuse emotionally, use physically , exploit financially and benefit from materially as we both pretend to share something of value”. Almost every aspect of life is characterised by lack of deep and meaningful relationships. Most of our relationships are splendidly casual or fantastically transactional. We may as well be each other’s emotional, monetary, spiritual and/or career ATM machines. This is as true for families as it is for work , business and broader social interactions. It is no less painful to be used by a sibling, relative, workmate than it is to be used by a lover, spouse or stranger . You still feel robbed, cheated, stupid or downright disrespected.

Our generation has the most lonely rich and poor, male and female, married and single, old and young people alike. Even Churches and mosques have become highly transactional and materialistic. Lonely social spaces where people do spooky spiritual stuff- I mean use each other in the name of God ! Within these churches and mosques – like with the Diet Industry- everyone is trying to find or is offering supplements and substitutes for authentic love and companionship. Tragically, a legitimate need cannot be satisfied through cheap alternatives

Love-hunger cannot be satisfied through or by pursuits in business, politics, sports, social media, churches,mosques etc. Social capital is no substitute for love and companionship. Each of us has the capacity to receive and to reciprocate love ,which is the core requirement for most longlasting relationships. But very few of us appreciate the mutuality of love ,accountability, respect and trust. We demand these and hardly ever reciprocate.

Somebody once said that in this life you will- no matter who you are – experience some abuse, hurt, neglect, fear, shame and rejection. There are no immunity passports for these unpleasant human experiences. Because we work and live with people, envy, jealousy, strife, rumours, murmurings, grumbling and reckless talk are as natural as the air we breathe. You cannot build a monument of bitterness around these unpleasant experiences.

Our world is driven by a cancerous ME-culture. It squanders everything on ME. Something is only useful or worthwhile if it constitutes a high value or high return investment to ME. All associations, alliances and partnerships are about ME. Books are written about how to put ME first. The dysfunction that arises out of the aggressive competition between two ME’s trying to do love is as hilarious as it is tragic.