Tag Lifestyle

Difference that leads to Sameness or Default Settings 

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment

Be very careful about making your mentors or platinum standard people whose philosophy of life, attitudes, advice, and general approach has been framed by greed, selfishness, narcissistic disorder, abuse, loss, guilt, bitterness and/or rejection. The sound’s very fresh , practical , compelling , easily doable , uplifting, logical, different and unbelievably attractive….too good to be true. And you are like, this is the real stuff, why didn’t I do this way before now ?

BUT this poisonous self-indulgent, here and now alluring advice ultimately leads to that same dark place, namely :

  • Self-abuse, abuse of others and abuse by others which in the end results in :-
  • Loss 
  • Guilt 
  • More bitterness 
  • Rejection 
  • Emotional fragility 
  • Negativity 

BUT for a short while it would have made you feel emotionally and psychologically high, you are so happy with yourself that you become both a disciple and evangelist of the self-destructive philosophy. However, it does sting, bite or pierce in the end or at some time. At that time, it is too late to regret or change course . 

If you want joy in your life, make up your philosophy of life based on the future you want to build whilst acknowledging the scars that made you bitter, fragile, afraid or strong and determined. Acknowledge the grief, loss and pain of life, don’t make it a philosophy, it is an experience and not a monument or memorial detention centre for your emotions and soul . 

Friend, lay that weight aside and spare yourself entrapment by the same behavioral patterns, attitudes and reasoning that reproduces your pain, wounds and fears on steroids ! PLEASE avoid antics , thinking and behavior that masquerades as difference but ultimately leads to sameness or your original emotional, psychological, physical, and intellectual default settings described above !

IMMENSE TALENT, INSTABILITY AND GRAND DECEPTION OFTEN COHABIT

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment


Have you ever wondered why authenticity is often under valued, overlooked and overtaken by fakeness and cut-and-paste wokeness? Why being genuine, honest, thorough and truthful seems not to pay-off in social, political, economic, business, work, family, personal and spiritual relationships?
Here are my five (5) explanations:-

HUMANS ARE DRAWN TO FAKENESS, WOKENESS, MAGIC AND CELEBRITY !

It starts with all the fairy tales and magic you tell or let your children read in children’s books or watch in cartoons. By the time their consciousness fully forms, the receptacles for deception, self delusion, fanciful fantasies and magic are long solidified. For some you add romance novels, sci-fi fiction and comic books. Yes these stimulate imagination, and entertain, but they also set a subconscious foundation for adult logic, emotional make-up and life expectations! It all sinks into something or somewhere? Add to this human body, mind and soul all kinds of religious instruction and social myths and then teach them sciences ( i.e. physical and social) on top of the childhood magic, comics, cartoons, video games,and playstation base? It is a “gango”, mixed masala or wonderful mixed dish of okra dried fish, goat meat, cow heel and pepper 🌶.

This is why human beings love the gloss, the shine, instant gratification, mushy stuff, stuff that affirms their stupidity, comforts them in their errant ways, strokes their egos, lies to and lulls them into self-destruction or simply star appeal. Strip all pretense and euphemisms and say it like it is, we are drawn to what we have been socialised into and have embraced or become, not what we think we are or want to be known as ! Bad boys and girls, hideous characters, hypocrites, liars, users, whiners, egolomaniacs and you can go on and on !

We are drawn to magic, celebrity, star power, deception and romanticism. We love complexity, sophistication, finese, panache or that certain ‘something something’! We hopelessly poor at judging our own characters let alone other people’s!

There you have it , you now know why a lover left you, or your employee quit, or your employer dumped you for a fake or why your church members have moved enmasse to a less authentic alternative or why your album, books or movies are not selling as fast as the inauthentic ones.

ULTIMATELY, YOUR TRUE CHARACTER EATS UP PERSONAL SUCCESS, FALSE PR IMAGE AND BRAND

In the last 25 years I have seen fiery, eloquent, smart and popular personalities arise and take moments, movements, monuments, public imagination, media, arts and culture, academia, business sector, religious or faith sector – and even Nations by storm. As you may have guessed, very few have lasted! Ultimately their true character flaws and lack of genuine values fully devoured their success, public image, profile and personal brand!

GREAT TALENT AND INSTABILITY ARE OFTEN LIKE SIAMESE TWINS

As always, there are some averagely talented folks of average intelligence and average looks that carry this “Wanted Boy or Wanted Girl syndrome”. Some even torment society and social media with all sorts of self-promotional posts and images. You know what, if you have to over market or advertise something, maybe it ain’t good enough. I am not talking about these types of blood and sweat hustlers for love and attention. Although it is worth noting that they too deceive through effort and toil !

My focus is on my experience observing for over two decades, folks that are or were insanely talented, good looking, brainy, eloquent, creative, attractive and etcetera. Some were fiercely competitive and insecure bordering on malice. Others were inexorably narcissistic bordering on self-worship. And yet others were compulsive liars and social fraudsters or political conman. Very colorful, shiny, audacious, always pulling everyone else down. Granted amongst these immensely talented folks, there were a few who are – or were – embarrassingly humble. Corporate, Church, Mosques and political culture gave these individuals words of angelic humility that never seemed to filter through to their true characters and personalities. The distance between what they say and what they actually do ( other than for the Cameras and public applause) is like that between earth and the moon. Integrity is zero or minus something. Sadly though, their lieutenants, lovers, fans, followers, family, handlers and friends always cover-up for them. This constant social, political, economic or spiritual diaper changes by the faithful and loyal does not help to change them for the better! In the end, they fall, die or implode still insanely talented and yet unbelievably unstable!

EASILY BELIEVABLE SOCIAL, ECONOMIC AND POLITICAL FRAUDSTERS/CONMAN – Yet Abandoned and Neglected !

You can almost- in part- explain your heartbreaks, disappointments, business losses, spiritual fatigue, social exhaustion political aparthy and family burn-out by reference to one or two social, economic or political conman/fraudsters.

The common trend amongst all these social, economic and political fraudsters/conman is that they were insanely talented and easily believable. You see my friend, instability, deception and talent often cohabit ! But also common amongst these is the fact that they all sadly have a very pitiable end. Their true characters eat their brand and sometimes totally destroy them physically and emotionally. These men and eonen seem to have it all, to be desired and adored by everyone and yet have long lost their souls and the peace in Self. Publicly loved but rejected by self. Publicly contented and yet psychologically and emotionally tormented. Celebrities are unbelievably fragile, insecure and lonely. It is not drugs , alcohol or crime that destroys them – it is neglect of their cry for help by a world that constantly searches for human gods, magic, wokeness and magic !

AFRAID AND FEARFUL SOULS :Mediocrity and insecurity often cherishes exclusive limelight

You can judge any man or woman’s character by how they handle failure, rejection, exclusion, exhaustion and obscurity. Rather, by how they relate to superior talent, skill, experience or knowledge or indifference. Mediocrity and insecurity often cherishes exclusive limelight.

When anything or anyone else appears who shows any form of talent, skill or seems to draw public admiration, the instinctive or default position of mediocrity is four-fold :-

Conscript or align with, so that the glory is shared ‘the he or she is my pip’s ‘ mythology

Compete and outwit the new or old competition ‘the I am the best of the best delusion’

Decampaign, malign, eliminate and smear the competition ‘the I am good and he or she is toxic deception’

Accuse the competition of copying you or stealing your ideas etc ‘the I am the only bank of social, economic and political ideas delusion’

Ultimately, even after reading this long post you still have to choose who to love, to be with, to employ, to befriend, to appoint, to vote for, to read, to follow and I bet you ; you would rather have magic and wokeness any day, no matter how fraudulent and deceptive right?

Conclusion of the whole matter is that you are the real problem my friend, you !

Nuggets to start 2022

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment

The seeds for the destruction of any conspiracy based on prejudice, greed, dishonesty or malice reside in the conspiracy itself.

When the coconspirators fallout, you will all get to hear about the hidden machinations. You see, unsolicited hatred, sabotage or malice doesn’t have loyalty in its DNA /nature. Allegiance shifts with perceived personal benefit, privilege and positionality. Isn’t it amazing how much effort , time and pettiness people invest in slanderous behaviour driven by rumours and anecdotes or plain lies ?

Don’t be part of useless plots and machinations. Don’t make it your vocation to fight any person (no matter how unlikeable, hypocritical, slimy or treacherous). Such people have their fans, admirers and friends.

Remember that life doesn’t reward people based only on your wishes, judgment, assessments and instructions. Some people that you can’t stand, who are mediocre, fake and whom you think don’t deserve certain things will succeed and flourish much against your estimation of them or sense of fairness , justice and worthiness.

Some will even do better than your authentic and excellent self O ! Life isn’t a whip in your hand. It is a force or wind around you. You experience it differently from the next person and you don’t control it!

Don’t always use absence and presence to judge intention, motives, loyalty and commitment. Judas was there all the time until the very end. Sometimes presence is subterfuge, pretense, surveillance and deception. Not all absence is boycott, lack of care and commitment. Some absence is abusive and indicates lost connection. But some presence is toxic, divisive and abusive. Appreciate the power of both absence and presence.

Whatever you do, learn when you’re not priority in your friends, workmates, schoolmates’ lives. Distinguish between: being the convenient or ever-present fall-back position( i.e. for free help, money, tasks, companionship, etc) the afterthought, the nuisance factor, the pitied other, the suspect or tolerated one and being the needed, wanted and/or appreciated person /friend/colleague/Comrade!

In 2022 do not play any of these roles, move on quickly! Be where you’re needed, appreciated, wanted and fulfilled. Beware of your co-dependency with things, spaces, processes and persons that diminish you, your value, self-esteem, happiness or dignity!

THE WOUNDS OF FRIENDS: Love, Loyalty & Public Display of Differences (PDD)

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment

Three (3) rules are golden in any relationship based on trust, mutuality and/or intimacy. These are :-

  • Never embarass,belittle or contradict each other in public
  • If you want to chastise or criticise your person, partner or comrade use the side-bar option or use your privileged access to convey your undiluted displeasure or difference of opinion; and
  • Avoid auto-correcting, upstaging or contradicting your ‘Boss’ in meetings or public, especially if you have the luxury of time to advise them appropriately to correct their mistake, misconception or misstatement. Retain their dignity without compromising your principles

PUBLIC or PRIVATE DEBATE

In my view, differences regarding strategy, tactics or nuance can be litigated privately. Unless there is no other opportunity to do so before a binding decision is made. BUT any ideological flippancy or abdication of principle has to be addressed publicly because of the fundamental harm it causes in long-term. This includes Lifestyle contradictions, hypocrisy and lies.

IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU

Sometimes confidence or assertiveness is merely loud insecurities or narcissism. There is a fine line between the desire to be seen as objective or neutral and projection of your own narcissistic, self-righteous or disdainful view of another, especially your comrade, leader, lover, sibling or partner. As stated above, there are several exceptions to this general principle of managing public display of Differences (PDD), including the fact that some people will accept that they are or were wrong in private only to repeat the same offensive conduct again in public. Such has to be publicly called to order. If you always make everything about you, your feelings and your opinions, then you miss the great opportunity to learn from the mistakes of others as well as your own.

RELATING TO LIARS, LAZY FOLKS and HYPOCRITES

In every area of life and endeavour, there are folks you relate with that can potentially become an embarrassment to you and the team, family or collective. This is because despite all the advice, they seem to be addicted to certain self-destructive tendencies or they are such serial liars, lovers of things, hypocrites or serial Flip-floppers. Between their unbridled ambition and dishonesty, there is nothing else but make up , heels, suits, empty words or clichés. They have no shame at all. You know, there is nothing as painful as liars with bad memory ! They forget so fast and create reality out of nothing or just pure fantasy.

DON’T BE DUMB! Manage Sensitive Information

Please don’t be DUMB! Don’t go to your friend, neighbours, siblings , workmates or comrade and tell them sensitive or personal information and charge them to keep it a SECRET. Agghhh, BUT even you couldn’t keep it to yourself. They Can’t & Won’t keep your SECRET. Don’t be angry that they do the expected! You exposed yourself and that secret will be weaponized against you publicly!

I long figured out why break-ups, separations, divorces, business partnerships or Company dissolution are messy, vicious & emotionally draining. It is because of all the dirty , deep or sensitive information each side holds and fears will be shared generously to all and sundry. You better not have weaknesses (physical, mental, emotional, financial, professional and etcetera), these will become open source data!

If you don’t want anything or something (good or bad) you say about someone else or yourself to reach him or her, then don’t say it at all. Think it and keep it! Information (juicy or trending) in the hands of a friend, a sibling, neighbour, comrade or an enemy is like a new toy, shoes or dress to a child. It will be repeatedly flaunted Oh!

It is Simple: Home-Grown & Authentic lasts longer than Cheap Imports

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment


Beware of glorified fakeness or lack of authenticity in your life. Be very careful not to mistake labels for quality or public relations for Bible truth. Even more importantly, don’t substitute personal growth with quick fame, microwaved credentials, titles and top line knowledge. Don’t embrace the fantasy of false equivalence or mistake proximity to power for equivalence!

SUCCESS IS A CONDITION not a position or possession!
Do not mistake success as the source of happiness until you’re so desperate to succeed by fair or foul means. You will be a very bitter – and not better – successful version of yourself. First value yourself, value truth, value authenticity and value what you are. Life did not put you in Africa so that you aspire for intellectual, cultural, economic and spiritual slavery to Europe and America. Desire wholeness and healing from a sense of inadequacy, inferiority and self-destructive doubt!

EXCUSE YOURSELF and EXCUSE US!
The fact that you have or hold the same qualifications or title as somebody else does not make you equivalent at all. Let me repeat, being on the same panel as global corporate, government, faith or civil society leaders or rock star Professors does not make you equivalent to them. Zoom appearance and Selfie doesn’t amount to equivalency. Excuse us, we know what you are capable of as well as what you are not. Excuse yourself, you know that short cuts don’t always amount to completion of great journeys, right ?

CRUCIBLES OF LIFE

Please stop making up theories about how life, leadership and success works after only a few tears and years. Don’t profess expertise before your qualifications, skills and experience have been through the crucibles of life, work, adversity and failure and come out on the other end still totally aligned, intact and credible. You think you know something because you have had one great post, a lucky break or brilliant student’s promo? Life is full of greater geniuses and dreamers who failed. Be constant and consistent for the next decade or two.

Repeat this skill, expertise and experience in different organisations, positions, contexts and countries with the same or greater measure of success. Then come back here and talk shop about great success, leadership or life principles! For now, sit down and learn from both your books and real life. Otherwise your book theories and life in a decade from now will be so far apart like Earth & Mars or Like an Anti-corruption activist who becomes a politician and cabinet minister or an Opposition Leader that joins the ruling party as an official without portfolio or purpose!

CLONES & CLOWNS
Don’t use clichés, quotes and platitudes from books that you have read, videos or movies watched as the only basis of your understanding of Life, leadership, success and happiness. Remember that as good as all those leadership stories and case studies that you are relying on are; the people involved were not dealing with the same people or cultural, social, spiritual, political and economic context as yours. When you apply the lessons they offer, make relevant contextual adjustments, differentiation, domestication and distinction. Even the world’s major religions adjusted when they got to Africa.

Don’t be a ridiculous educated or smart clone! You read a book from America or Europe about how to campaign, raise money for social causes, empower people, dress, talk, behave or negotiate for success and you want to apply it to our mothers, fathers, youth, politicians, traditional leadership, religious or cultural context without any adjustments at all? Who bewitched you? Why do you think that you can use an American or European leadership fantasy, experience, experiment or expertise to produce authentically African organisations, experiences and outcomes?

Listen, your parents and grandparents were forced to learn Shakespeare, Chaucer and Dickens, where are they now ? Even they had the commonsense to reject becoming good English-speaking or French-speaking paupers tormented by a sense of false civility! Stop it! Emancipate yourself from this mental, cultural, spiritual, and social slavery!

Colonialism and coloniality will always produce spectacular shortcomings. If you don’t adjust your constant reference to American Corporate, political, civic or spiritual experience as the platinum standard of life , You will reproduce the same absurdities of super rich or powerful minorities driven by super profits with very little humanity : the same racist, white supremacy, poverty and inequality.

Black folks that think that they cannot succeed without worshipping whiteness, Europeanness or Americanness. Folks that see success based on their similarity to, acceptance by and/or acceptability to European or American supremacists .or even just accents – are just Clowns.
Accent is not substance! Colonial embrace is neither legitimacy, authenticity nor success. It is mere utility. You are a usable native! Have the accents if you wish, but please also get some commonsense and wisdom whilst you are at it!



BE AUTHENTIC!
Stop admiring dysfunction. If you can’t, please don’t turn it into an article of Faith or Bible of leadership and success. Learn to question some things and think critically! Otherwise, you will turn folks or your organisation into an intellectually, contextually and culturally disconnected shoddy version of the American or European ones . Abeg ,even if the people you lead get the Euro-American accents and de-contextualised jokes right , they will never be European or American.

Try being authentic. You’re here in Africa in order to promote, produce and practice an authentic homegrown global expertise and experience

FATHERHOOD (being FATHER or a FATHER)

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FATHERHOOD is the most culturally, socially, politically, and spiritually abused and weaponised concept, status and power in the world, but especially in Africa.

It doesn’t matter where you turn everywhere and everyone wants to impose FATHERHOOD or FATHERSHIP on the world around them. Father – Tata – Papa- Baba often used as a term of endearment, honour and respect is now a weapon of oppression, abuse and primitive extraction of personal benefits and power. I call this process or concept FATHERISATION (Fatherism), ‘Paparization’, Babarization or Tatarization of faith, politics, business and society !

But before we discuss the negative consequences of Babarisation, Paparisation or Tatarisation (Fatherism), what is FATHERHOOD? Here is my take :-

HAPPY Belated Father’s day to all my Comrades & brothers across Africa. Fatherhood is lifelong opportunities to put others’ needs before your own, care for another’s physical, spiritual, financial, intellectual & emotional well-being, and practice true unconditional love.

FATHERHOOD creates a deliberate balance between material, emotional, intellectual, ethical, physical& spiritual nourishment that in-turn creates a space, place, freedom & support for children to grow in their interests, choices, values, ideas, faith & character.

FATHERHOOD is Responsible Stewardship & Service to your children. It means service by helping your kids nurture their nature. Ensuring that your actions are helping & not hindering them. Fatherhood – being in service and influencing children- requires skills & patience. You learn fatherhood through observation, studying and doing. Don’t observe the wrong things or read the wrong templates because you will end up practicing the wrong things. If you already are practicing destructive fatherhood, course correct fast! The consequences will haunt you for life. If you hurt or super spoil your kids now, you will have a lifetime of regret and consequences to deal with!.

FATHERHOOD is about setting an example through your own actions, words & thoughts of responsible, compassionate, respectful & productive malehood to your sons & daughters. First as a role model. Hopefully a reliable & trustworthy friend to them when they’re older. You need to maintain balance. Even God says “those whom I Love , I discipline”. Discipline without love is aimless punishment and love without discipline is concealed hatred !

FATHERHOOD is a free – and often forfeited – lifelong graduate Masterclass to learn skills and develop attributes through lessons that are not offered anywhere else in the world. You learn from your children (biological, adopted or co-opted) even as you nurture, guard, guide and inspire them!


FATHERHOOD is LEGACY Building and Preservation. Each of our families is made up of centuries of LEGACY built into a complex tapestry. FATHERHOOD is also, therefore, about living up to that legacy (good or bad). It may also be about creating a NEW LEGACY and broadening parameters of imagination, experience, vision & achievement. It should be about breaking old bad or negative cycles in families, including inter-generational poverty often passed on from one generation to the next.

FATHERHOOD is the bold practice of LOVE. It requires the older to become a student of the younger whom they are nurturing and mentoring. Fatherhood is the ultimate challenge, risk, fear, meaning& the ultimate pleasure in life of any man. Be patient and focused. Your child is your responsibility no matter how much you loathe, despise or regret ever meeting the co-parent. You cannot hate a part of you and be stupid enough to blame this on the Co-parent .

      The circumstances under which your seed became a human don’t matter nor do they diminish your responsibility and accountability one bit. Fatherhood is not a moral position, it is an irrefutable responsibility for, to, through and over your children

      FATHERHOOD is not the Liberal or indisciplined donation of Sperm (consciously or subconsciously) and then being forced to maintain the consequences of your donation or you running away from the responsibility over your seed. MEN; let us be accountable, responsible before & after & not just selfish.

      FATHERHOOD is a key relationship cog to building healthy societies. Its pervasive dysfunction explains why we struggle to fix government, development, and our value systems. You cannot fail to take care of children you sired and then want to defend the interests of “CITIZENS” as a businessman, artist, activist, academic, faith leader, Traditional leader, politicia etc. Who are the “CITIZENS” if not folks raised well or badly by their parents? Folks abandoned, rejected, abused or truly loved and mentored by their fathers? We are trying to fix in the nation what we are destroying each day in every home through irresponsible FATHERHOOD, Fatherism, Paparisation, Babarisation or Tatarization of society. Malehood without an ounce of responsibility or even accountability.

      Brothers, Comrades, Friends : Charity begins at home. Let us change our ways !

      Built by Love, Solidarity and Patience

      Brian Kagoro Leave a comment



      1. KNOWING ME: I would never have truly known myself were it not for my family, friends, colleagues, and Comrades. Each of them has helped to expose the excellent, great, good, bad, ugly, inelegant, underdeveloped, backward, immature aspects of me. I cannot say that each word, act, or aspect of this self-discovery journey has been comfortable or nice. Some have occurred with unbelievable unpleasantness, disappointment, betrayal, loss, or abuse. Yes, please write this down …..siblings, friends, comrades, workmates, and lovers can be extremely abusive. You most probably also are and folks haven’t dared to tell you!

      2. MANY EXAMPLES & LIVING ROLE MODELS – Each day I have the privilege to learn from great Africans (known, unknown, and yet to be known). Some of my role models are younger than me, others my age, and others are older. I refused to learn only from the perfect and experienced. I have phenomenal teachers and living examples of excellence, commitment, compassion, integrity, genius, joy, and authenticity cutting across different classes, sexes, nationalities, faiths, and ages. I have learned to openly admire great abilities, capabilities, talents, personality, and character. I have learned to tell people that they are great, even when I disagree with them, their approach, and their point of view. I have also learned to tell anybody and everybody that cares to listen about how well many people I have encountered are. When I realized that I didn’t have to be the greatest at everything and every time, I couldn’t stop seeing greatness in other people and supporting it!

      3. THE REFLECTION OF THE LOVE of others. I am, therefore, the product of endless kindness, generosity, mercy, compassion, patience, solidarity and selfless friendship! I cannot help but be eternally grateful to life, God, family, friends, and Comrades.

      Each part of my life is a reflection of their love. There is a lot that I have and continue to do for myself, but yoh! The brick and mortar that others have put in would take me 100 years to enumerate. They have built me with questions, suggestions, insults, rebukes, words of inspiration, sharp criticism, sometimes unfair rumors, and lies. Every single one of these building materials makes for a stronger me.

      4. TAUGHT & MADE BY MANY: I am grateful to hundreds of thousands of great human beings who over the years have knowingly and unknowingly taught me life skills, professional skills, everyday skills. Taught me to type, drive, walk, speak, think critically, pray forgive, love&laugh. I have had many mentors – (we all do) from the day we were born many hands do the work of God and weave us into the neat packages presented at each next stage of life. Don’t ever try and take credit alone for the success of any person. You are not the only builder that has fashioned the end product. Have the humility to know and acknowledge this! There are many truths that you do not know about your Mentees!

      5. MATURITY- Pasca Tawonezvi used to say – “Does not ring an alarm or bell”. You don’t need anyone to tell you that you are now a grown-up and you should stop acting your shoe size or behaving like a wannabe Hollywood, Bollywood or Nollywood celebrity!

      Remember that IMMATURITY in any human being has several attributes, including:-
      (a) An abiding sense of entitlement&Selfishness. You think and believe that your parents, siblings, family, friends must give you what you want because you’re related to them or have a relationship with them? You’re are very selfish! You keep talking and you never give unless it serves your selfish desire for profile or PR

      (b) A desire for instant gratification. Everything must happen now with no regard to reality or process. This is why you are easily deceived, because you want instant wealth, fame, power, etc with neither method, strategy nor work ??

      (c) Endless demands not backed up own work, effort, discipline, or innovation. It’s always dreaming that someone else ( a Blesser, Parent, Sibling, Boss, etc) must pay for. Some even make babies and plan grand marriages or holidays on other people’s budgets

      (d) Childish Joy or Happiness derived from seeing, doing, or having things. This desire for trinkets to hide emptiness is the highest form of hollow and shallow living

      (e) Childish Tantrums or manifesting against anyone and everyone that calls your bluff or challenges you or refuses or rejects you. Adults know that the reality of life comes with inevitable rejection, loss, denial, refusal, and yes sometimes failure and lack. Grow up and Get used to this reality.

      (f) Constantly comparing yourself to & competing with others. When your identity is solely based on being better than the next person, then you have a very deep ocean of personal insecurities. Be enough in yourself. Beat you at everything and not other people. Help other people achieve their dreams & visions.

      (g) LIES and MADE UP stories. Immature folks sometimes tell the dumbest lies and for absolutely no reason. You cannot lie to yourself to rock star status, legend, or sainthood. Someday the lies will outpace you or some people will take you too seriously and discover that you’re nothing but a hoax, a fraud! Some even gain the courage of lying about talking to God, the Holy Spirit, or important people in this world. Please come down to earth, greatness is not a fake weave or false teeth. You have to work and earn it!

      (h) Gullibility: How is it that you are so gullible? Listen, don’t be cynical but do not be naive either. If you’re mature, question everything and everyone!

      (i) MANIPULATION and OBSESSIVE CONTROL – immature people thrive on emotional, intellectual, psychological, economic, social, and political blackmail. They try and make other people feel guilty for not satisfying their childish fantasies, sense of entitlement, megalomania, narcissism, etc. They never want you to know, interact with, or experience life except according to what they dictate or direct. This is neither attention nor care oo, it is an emotional and mental health condition. Ask yourself, am I manipulative and controlling or am I being manipulated and controlled? Seek change urgently!

      NB. Don’t waste life criticizing people simply because you differ from them. Recognize greatness in others so that your own may echo through theirs!