Tag Introspection

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Those Closest to the River

Introduction:

There are many people living on the shores of lakes, rivers, and oceans who cannot swim. They are the sons and daughters of teachers who can barely read or write, and the descendants of clergy who have no faith. There are also those with employment contracts and work desks that do not work at all. When something is easily accessible or abundant, it is often taken for granted. Africa has an abundance of underground water, arable land, beautiful forests, precious wood, amazing rivers, lakes, and oceans, and let’s not forget clean air!

The Sun, Water, and Excessive Complacency

Despite having plenty of sunshine in Africa, our public sectors, lending institutions, and entrepreneurs have not invested much in solar energy and related product developments. We import solar panels from Italy, Sweden, China, and Canada. Why don’t we invest in our own continent?

Apart from baptisms and various spiritual or cultural rituals, subsistence fisherfolk, and locals washing their clothes, we have not made conscious efforts to develop sustainable local economies around our water bodies. We have also failed to accurately map the extent and limits of our transboundary water bodies and underground water supply. Our spirituality and cultural reawakening must also have economic prudence, otherwise we will impoverish ourselves with emotional spiritualism and unproductive culturalism. Spirituality and culture should always promote and nurture sustainable life and growth!

Those who live closest to Africa’s water wealth, such as rivers, oceans, lakes, streams, springs, etc., take water for granted. They do not build wells or drill boreholes, and they do not develop creative economies around rivers. Sadly, when severe droughts occur, these individuals are the most vulnerable and unprepared. It is their excessive complacency, lack of foresight, and lack of creativity that leads to their poverty and vulnerability. They are poor not because of scarcity, but because of complacency. They need to form cooperatives to manage water resources and build economies around them. Yes, historical and ongoing power imbalances contribute to their situation, but they must also take ownership of their lack of national wisdom, long-term thinking, and sustainability consciousness.

Infantile Preoccupations

Unpreparedness, wastefulness, and complacency are only a part of the African development challenge and mindset. The other part can be attributed to “infantile preoccupations.” Leaders in all sectors are often obsessed with immature consumption desires, similar to little children. Rather than investing in solar plants and water security infrastructure, leaders focus on building new multi-million dollar parliament buildings and stadiums. When knowledgeable individuals propose solutions for electricity, energy, health, education, and sanitation crises, petty government officials often demand hefty bribes to facilitate national solutions. Entire governing party officials establish systems to embezzle development funds for personal gain or election campaigns. This is childish stupidity! Infantile consumerism has become prevalent in African business, politics, religion, and civil society. If you, as a wealthy individual, want to help, why not invest in infrastructure, production sites, or places that enable people to create value, add value, or produce useful goods for their daily lives and for export?

 Walking Alone Amongst a Crowd

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  • Introduction: No One Can Drink Immodium for Your Running Tummy!

All pain is personally experienced even when collectively witnessed or shared. Impact is always differentiated and uneven. The same could be said of pressure and pleasure. The same act, thing or process that gives one the thrills also scares or bores another to death. 

Even if I gave you a step-by-step guide, how-to toolbox and the latest app on pain, pressure, and pleasure management, you still will experience your own it your own way. Neither riches, fame, good looks, religiosity, intelligence nor love can totally immunise all aspects of your life from inevitable pressures, pleasures and pains of being a living being. 

  • The Best-Selling Books Don’t Tell You Everything About Leadership Situations and Human Feelings 

There are countless Leadership manuals about good, supportive and healthy relationships( personal, political, social and economic). Any person that loves and accompanies their pregnant personal person into a labour ward in order to give birth does not themselves experience labour pains (plural). They witness the agony of birthing life and joy from close range. They may even shed a tear. But the most that they can do is to emphathise, hold their loved one’s hand, say some dumb(but soothing) anecdotal or cliché stuff.  

Presence and empathy does not, cannot and will not take away the pain nor do love gestures actually. They make inevitable pain bearable ! The Leadership journey is often very lonely and painful, even when you have crowds of people around you and sometimes cheering you on. As a leader your stock-in-trade is skillful judgment (the ability to decide upon consideration of evidence, and context), communication, connection and empathy. In Leadership, there are emotional , psychological and intellectual acres and kilometers where you just have to walk alone , to carry your own cross and own it . There are moments of adversity that will test your sanity , fortitude and resolve . In such moments you are paradoxically inadequate and enough at the same time; surrounded by a great team and alone ; visionary and doubtful ; wounded and raring to go. These are what I call ‘Sweet and Sour ,Chilli Sweet moments’

  • No Exemptions from Chilli-Sweet Situations and Feelings

Books on Empathetic, Situational, Performative, collaborative, servant, Level 5 or 20X Leadership often do not and cannot tell you how you will feel when doing or going through unavoidable leadership situations and processes that are chilli-sweet. You just have to experience it for yourself. Don’t be fooled, the fact that you experienced something similar before or elsewhere doesn’t make the present experience less painful, let alone less emotionally or mentally exhausting. You often get this feeling of pain, frustration, exhaustion and anger when you are empathetic and actually care about those that you lead, as well as the issues, situations or causes involved. Unfortunately my friends, good attitude or positive outlook does not exempt you at all from feeling these ‘Sweet and sour’ or chilli-sweet feelings . 

  • Hero, Villain and Fool – All-in-One ! 

Unpleasant or painful situations oftentimes generate woundedness and unpleasantness in people. When disruption or unpleasant things happen in any organisation, movement , family or community, folks need a scapegoat . As a leader you are the most convenient candidate or target ( it is a risk of the trade) . When folks are frustrated , you are to them ( justifiably or not) the proverbial fool at the top who is responsible for all that is bad and incapable of thinking things through . At this stage of leadership you forfeit your right to be heard , believed or presumed innocent until proven guilty. At worst, you maybe characterised as the mortal enemy of progress that must be fought or resisted at all costs . Wear your elephant skin during this period because many piercing words will be aimed at you . During this period be very wary of toxic positivity , that is dangerous escapism from the reality of the mess that you’re in . 

Occasionally though, you maybe equated to Santa Klaus , candy person or ice-cream supplier that brings gifts, sweetness and goodies. I hate to say this , crowds are fickle. Even Jesus Christ knew this. The same crowds that welcomed him on palm Sunday wanting to make him king as he rode a donkey into Jerusalem, were a few days later chanting “crucify him” as he bore his own cross .Remember dear leader that the very same people will instinctively place you in very different boxes or categories based on how they feel about the situation, a process , themselves, their colleagues or the organisation. So quit trying to play ice-cream man ,candy woman or Santa . Lead by ideas , purpose and conviction, have clarity about the kind of Leadership that your situation demands .

  • Survivors or Comrades Guilt 

Unless you are totally heartless, thoughtless, and bloodless , whatever touches your colleagues, peers and team is likely to also deeply move , pain ,and affect you (psychologically and emotionally). It is likely to affect you more if you cannot do anything to change the situation, process or outcome. This helplessness in the face of the other’s loss, or pain engenders sympathy and guilt. You are likely to feel that somehow you didn’t do enough , that you were not there for your team ,that you betrayed them by your inaction or let them down somehow. This Survivors guilt needs to be addressed and faced . Don’t deny it , hide from facing it , or pretend that you’re not feeling it. Whatever you do , please do not try to over compensate ! You will feel like crap, totally drained emotionally and isolated. 

  • Reflect (don’t deflect) in order to Move Forward 

When you begin to experience the effects of ‘Chilli-sweet’ survivors guilt , this is the best place to begin deep reflection , straregizing and innovating . Take a pause , find yourself in order to retrace your leadership path ! Get intellectual and emotional electrolytes for the rest of the journey . Reach out to and support your Comrades , Peers and Team knowing that too much time spent grieving or greeting may be lost time to your cause or finding alternatives . But not everyone will accept you or your offer for support. Accept and Own that too !

CONCLUSION : Wisdom of the Eldership 

In January 2000, I went to see Dr. Goodwill Shana about a thorny socio-political issue .At the time , I sought his , the late most affable Rev. Charles Chiriseri and Bishop Mutume’s counsel about how best to approach a highly sensitive and polarizing national process . There was drama everywhere and as you know people often become thorny when hurting. Dr. Shana – after exchanging pleasantries and hearing my cause- offered me a cup of tea (I am not a tea person at all). He then said as we sat down to a cup of tea : “All salt is salty and all sugar is sweet, but you and I have different taste buds. Food that you want to add salt to maybe too salty for me. And the sugar that you add may be too little or too much for someone else. Each tongue tastes salt or sugar for itself. But we are drinking tea together. This not just about preference, it may be a medical/ health issue”. 

Rev. Charles Chiriseri was an amazing asset to civil society in Zimbabwe and a fountain of wisdom. He had a unique laugh and was always empathetic. Given the innumerable incidents of toxicity and backstabbing amongst social actors ,he said to me ,”Brian, remember that the seeds for the destruction of anything born out of malice , rebellion , competition ,and deceit are contained in the very thing itself”. 

Bishop Mutume was a revered and infectiously humorous elderly Catholic sage residing in Mutare at the time. I travelled 3 hours to go and see him. As our tradition demands, when I arrived to see him, I went into elaborate greetings. At some stage he interrupted me and said , ” Kagoro, stop it, by the time you’re done with all this elaborate greeting and small talk, what you came here to solve will have worsened. Wavingeyi ? (what brings you this far my son)”.

Cut the ritual, get to the point and start doing what will move you from a pity-party, survivors guilt or a sense of inadequacy to transformative strategy. Remember though that your tastes or take on stuff may for good reason be very different from the next person. Whatever you do, avoid malice, it contains self-destruction seeds in itself !

Difference that leads to Sameness or Default Settings 

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Be very careful about making your mentors or platinum standard people whose philosophy of life, attitudes, advice, and general approach has been framed by greed, selfishness, narcissistic disorder, abuse, loss, guilt, bitterness and/or rejection. The sound’s very fresh , practical , compelling , easily doable , uplifting, logical, different and unbelievably attractive….too good to be true. And you are like, this is the real stuff, why didn’t I do this way before now ?

BUT this poisonous self-indulgent, here and now alluring advice ultimately leads to that same dark place, namely :

  • Self-abuse, abuse of others and abuse by others which in the end results in :-
  • Loss 
  • Guilt 
  • More bitterness 
  • Rejection 
  • Emotional fragility 
  • Negativity 

BUT for a short while it would have made you feel emotionally and psychologically high, you are so happy with yourself that you become both a disciple and evangelist of the self-destructive philosophy. However, it does sting, bite or pierce in the end or at some time. At that time, it is too late to regret or change course . 

If you want joy in your life, make up your philosophy of life based on the future you want to build whilst acknowledging the scars that made you bitter, fragile, afraid or strong and determined. Acknowledge the grief, loss and pain of life, don’t make it a philosophy, it is an experience and not a monument or memorial detention centre for your emotions and soul . 

Friend, lay that weight aside and spare yourself entrapment by the same behavioral patterns, attitudes and reasoning that reproduces your pain, wounds and fears on steroids ! PLEASE avoid antics , thinking and behavior that masquerades as difference but ultimately leads to sameness or your original emotional, psychological, physical, and intellectual default settings described above !

IMMENSE TALENT, INSTABILITY AND GRAND DECEPTION OFTEN COHABIT

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Have you ever wondered why authenticity is often under valued, overlooked and overtaken by fakeness and cut-and-paste wokeness? Why being genuine, honest, thorough and truthful seems not to pay-off in social, political, economic, business, work, family, personal and spiritual relationships?
Here are my five (5) explanations:-

HUMANS ARE DRAWN TO FAKENESS, WOKENESS, MAGIC AND CELEBRITY !

It starts with all the fairy tales and magic you tell or let your children read in children’s books or watch in cartoons. By the time their consciousness fully forms, the receptacles for deception, self delusion, fanciful fantasies and magic are long solidified. For some you add romance novels, sci-fi fiction and comic books. Yes these stimulate imagination, and entertain, but they also set a subconscious foundation for adult logic, emotional make-up and life expectations! It all sinks into something or somewhere? Add to this human body, mind and soul all kinds of religious instruction and social myths and then teach them sciences ( i.e. physical and social) on top of the childhood magic, comics, cartoons, video games,and playstation base? It is a “gango”, mixed masala or wonderful mixed dish of okra dried fish, goat meat, cow heel and pepper 🌶.

This is why human beings love the gloss, the shine, instant gratification, mushy stuff, stuff that affirms their stupidity, comforts them in their errant ways, strokes their egos, lies to and lulls them into self-destruction or simply star appeal. Strip all pretense and euphemisms and say it like it is, we are drawn to what we have been socialised into and have embraced or become, not what we think we are or want to be known as ! Bad boys and girls, hideous characters, hypocrites, liars, users, whiners, egolomaniacs and you can go on and on !

We are drawn to magic, celebrity, star power, deception and romanticism. We love complexity, sophistication, finese, panache or that certain ‘something something’! We hopelessly poor at judging our own characters let alone other people’s!

There you have it , you now know why a lover left you, or your employee quit, or your employer dumped you for a fake or why your church members have moved enmasse to a less authentic alternative or why your album, books or movies are not selling as fast as the inauthentic ones.

ULTIMATELY, YOUR TRUE CHARACTER EATS UP PERSONAL SUCCESS, FALSE PR IMAGE AND BRAND

In the last 25 years I have seen fiery, eloquent, smart and popular personalities arise and take moments, movements, monuments, public imagination, media, arts and culture, academia, business sector, religious or faith sector – and even Nations by storm. As you may have guessed, very few have lasted! Ultimately their true character flaws and lack of genuine values fully devoured their success, public image, profile and personal brand!

GREAT TALENT AND INSTABILITY ARE OFTEN LIKE SIAMESE TWINS

As always, there are some averagely talented folks of average intelligence and average looks that carry this “Wanted Boy or Wanted Girl syndrome”. Some even torment society and social media with all sorts of self-promotional posts and images. You know what, if you have to over market or advertise something, maybe it ain’t good enough. I am not talking about these types of blood and sweat hustlers for love and attention. Although it is worth noting that they too deceive through effort and toil !

My focus is on my experience observing for over two decades, folks that are or were insanely talented, good looking, brainy, eloquent, creative, attractive and etcetera. Some were fiercely competitive and insecure bordering on malice. Others were inexorably narcissistic bordering on self-worship. And yet others were compulsive liars and social fraudsters or political conman. Very colorful, shiny, audacious, always pulling everyone else down. Granted amongst these immensely talented folks, there were a few who are – or were – embarrassingly humble. Corporate, Church, Mosques and political culture gave these individuals words of angelic humility that never seemed to filter through to their true characters and personalities. The distance between what they say and what they actually do ( other than for the Cameras and public applause) is like that between earth and the moon. Integrity is zero or minus something. Sadly though, their lieutenants, lovers, fans, followers, family, handlers and friends always cover-up for them. This constant social, political, economic or spiritual diaper changes by the faithful and loyal does not help to change them for the better! In the end, they fall, die or implode still insanely talented and yet unbelievably unstable!

EASILY BELIEVABLE SOCIAL, ECONOMIC AND POLITICAL FRAUDSTERS/CONMAN – Yet Abandoned and Neglected !

You can almost- in part- explain your heartbreaks, disappointments, business losses, spiritual fatigue, social exhaustion political aparthy and family burn-out by reference to one or two social, economic or political conman/fraudsters.

The common trend amongst all these social, economic and political fraudsters/conman is that they were insanely talented and easily believable. You see my friend, instability, deception and talent often cohabit ! But also common amongst these is the fact that they all sadly have a very pitiable end. Their true characters eat their brand and sometimes totally destroy them physically and emotionally. These men and eonen seem to have it all, to be desired and adored by everyone and yet have long lost their souls and the peace in Self. Publicly loved but rejected by self. Publicly contented and yet psychologically and emotionally tormented. Celebrities are unbelievably fragile, insecure and lonely. It is not drugs , alcohol or crime that destroys them – it is neglect of their cry for help by a world that constantly searches for human gods, magic, wokeness and magic !

AFRAID AND FEARFUL SOULS :Mediocrity and insecurity often cherishes exclusive limelight

You can judge any man or woman’s character by how they handle failure, rejection, exclusion, exhaustion and obscurity. Rather, by how they relate to superior talent, skill, experience or knowledge or indifference. Mediocrity and insecurity often cherishes exclusive limelight.

When anything or anyone else appears who shows any form of talent, skill or seems to draw public admiration, the instinctive or default position of mediocrity is four-fold :-

Conscript or align with, so that the glory is shared ‘the he or she is my pip’s ‘ mythology

Compete and outwit the new or old competition ‘the I am the best of the best delusion’

Decampaign, malign, eliminate and smear the competition ‘the I am good and he or she is toxic deception’

Accuse the competition of copying you or stealing your ideas etc ‘the I am the only bank of social, economic and political ideas delusion’

Ultimately, even after reading this long post you still have to choose who to love, to be with, to employ, to befriend, to appoint, to vote for, to read, to follow and I bet you ; you would rather have magic and wokeness any day, no matter how fraudulent and deceptive right?

Conclusion of the whole matter is that you are the real problem my friend, you !

Saying Thank You Vs Gratitude

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When you were a child your parents taught you never to receive any gift or thing without those two magical words “Thank You”. It could be one word in your indigenous language. So, we all learned to say it almost mechanically. But despite our parents’ best efforts, some amongst us can take, grab or receive without saying “Thank You”.


Think about work mates that steal your ideas, plans and projects without a shade of shame at all. Or bosses and employers that exploit you, pay you peanuts or nothing at all. Think of clients who acknowledge receipt of your great work, refuse, forget or delay paying you ? Who or what do they believe pays your bills or feeds your family ? Some even demand more ?

Imagine the child that lives under your roof, eats food that you buy, dresses in clothes that you sweat hard to buy, uses a mobile phone and data bought with your money or drives your car and still fails to say “Thank You”? Children can forget that you’re human and only remember you when they want something or need to go somewhere. What Entitlement, What arrogance, What stupidity!

Parents too can feel so entitled to a child’s labour, provisioning, gifts, phone calls and effort that they forget what they taught saying: “Thank You”.

Parents can break the spirit of their children in several ways, including:-


(a) Comparing Siblings as though it is a beauty contest or comparing their children to neighbours or friends’ children as though to say : “you don’t measure up”. Why are you not like so, so and so’s daughter or son?
(b) Demanding endless performance and wanting to live their own failed lives, marriages, careers and parenthood through their kids
(c) Not learning to let go , being control freaks, being over protective and projecting their bitterness and failures and disappointment or even surreal expectations onto their children
(d) Loving your spoilt brats to the point of failing to help them snap out of perennial childishness and splendid displays of irresponsibility. Just because your childhood was hard, deprived or full of suffering does not mean that you should spare your children the privilege of encountering the realities of life. One day you will die and your precious spoilt brat will have to face life totally unprepared. You are cruel , you are careless and reckless to not prepare your child in advance.

GRATITUDE is an attitude of the heart and a condition of the mind or human spirit that appreciates and acknowledges others . It sees small and big things done by others and treasures them. Gratitude is by nature empathetic, it puts itself in the shoes of the doer and values the thoughts behind each deed no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Gratitude values people and not just performance. It is the constant willingness to search for light, life, peace and joy as well as to give these. People are not like trees or grass along your path that you trample upon or pass without noticing. Notice people great and small. Remember people, acknowledge people and appreciate people.

Saying “Thank You” means nothing if it doesn’t come from a grateful heart. It is a mere ritual if it is accompanied by a “But” or some form of grumbling or complaint. ‘Thank You’ is a great phrase, improve on it by learning Gratitude.

Above all, do not be that idiot or fool that only counts and accounts for what you do for other people and you totally fail to appreciate the great and small things other people do for you! Yes you give and have given a lot! BUT , if truth be told , you have received a lot more than you have been willing or wise enough to acknowledge. Be grateful, be thankful for the gift of Life, family, friendship, health, wellbeing and welfare. Serve people and value them!

It is Simple: Home-Grown & Authentic lasts longer than Cheap Imports

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Beware of glorified fakeness or lack of authenticity in your life. Be very careful not to mistake labels for quality or public relations for Bible truth. Even more importantly, don’t substitute personal growth with quick fame, microwaved credentials, titles and top line knowledge. Don’t embrace the fantasy of false equivalence or mistake proximity to power for equivalence!

SUCCESS IS A CONDITION not a position or possession!
Do not mistake success as the source of happiness until you’re so desperate to succeed by fair or foul means. You will be a very bitter – and not better – successful version of yourself. First value yourself, value truth, value authenticity and value what you are. Life did not put you in Africa so that you aspire for intellectual, cultural, economic and spiritual slavery to Europe and America. Desire wholeness and healing from a sense of inadequacy, inferiority and self-destructive doubt!

EXCUSE YOURSELF and EXCUSE US!
The fact that you have or hold the same qualifications or title as somebody else does not make you equivalent at all. Let me repeat, being on the same panel as global corporate, government, faith or civil society leaders or rock star Professors does not make you equivalent to them. Zoom appearance and Selfie doesn’t amount to equivalency. Excuse us, we know what you are capable of as well as what you are not. Excuse yourself, you know that short cuts don’t always amount to completion of great journeys, right ?

CRUCIBLES OF LIFE

Please stop making up theories about how life, leadership and success works after only a few tears and years. Don’t profess expertise before your qualifications, skills and experience have been through the crucibles of life, work, adversity and failure and come out on the other end still totally aligned, intact and credible. You think you know something because you have had one great post, a lucky break or brilliant student’s promo? Life is full of greater geniuses and dreamers who failed. Be constant and consistent for the next decade or two.

Repeat this skill, expertise and experience in different organisations, positions, contexts and countries with the same or greater measure of success. Then come back here and talk shop about great success, leadership or life principles! For now, sit down and learn from both your books and real life. Otherwise your book theories and life in a decade from now will be so far apart like Earth & Mars or Like an Anti-corruption activist who becomes a politician and cabinet minister or an Opposition Leader that joins the ruling party as an official without portfolio or purpose!

CLONES & CLOWNS
Don’t use clichés, quotes and platitudes from books that you have read, videos or movies watched as the only basis of your understanding of Life, leadership, success and happiness. Remember that as good as all those leadership stories and case studies that you are relying on are; the people involved were not dealing with the same people or cultural, social, spiritual, political and economic context as yours. When you apply the lessons they offer, make relevant contextual adjustments, differentiation, domestication and distinction. Even the world’s major religions adjusted when they got to Africa.

Don’t be a ridiculous educated or smart clone! You read a book from America or Europe about how to campaign, raise money for social causes, empower people, dress, talk, behave or negotiate for success and you want to apply it to our mothers, fathers, youth, politicians, traditional leadership, religious or cultural context without any adjustments at all? Who bewitched you? Why do you think that you can use an American or European leadership fantasy, experience, experiment or expertise to produce authentically African organisations, experiences and outcomes?

Listen, your parents and grandparents were forced to learn Shakespeare, Chaucer and Dickens, where are they now ? Even they had the commonsense to reject becoming good English-speaking or French-speaking paupers tormented by a sense of false civility! Stop it! Emancipate yourself from this mental, cultural, spiritual, and social slavery!

Colonialism and coloniality will always produce spectacular shortcomings. If you don’t adjust your constant reference to American Corporate, political, civic or spiritual experience as the platinum standard of life , You will reproduce the same absurdities of super rich or powerful minorities driven by super profits with very little humanity : the same racist, white supremacy, poverty and inequality.

Black folks that think that they cannot succeed without worshipping whiteness, Europeanness or Americanness. Folks that see success based on their similarity to, acceptance by and/or acceptability to European or American supremacists .or even just accents – are just Clowns.
Accent is not substance! Colonial embrace is neither legitimacy, authenticity nor success. It is mere utility. You are a usable native! Have the accents if you wish, but please also get some commonsense and wisdom whilst you are at it!



BE AUTHENTIC!
Stop admiring dysfunction. If you can’t, please don’t turn it into an article of Faith or Bible of leadership and success. Learn to question some things and think critically! Otherwise, you will turn folks or your organisation into an intellectually, contextually and culturally disconnected shoddy version of the American or European ones . Abeg ,even if the people you lead get the Euro-American accents and de-contextualised jokes right , they will never be European or American.

Try being authentic. You’re here in Africa in order to promote, produce and practice an authentic homegrown global expertise and experience

WHAT STAYING IN A JOB TOO LONG SAYS ABOUT YOU

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Staying in a job too long is not a measure of Stability, Independence, Performance or Loyalty. Here is why:



STAGNANT BRILLIANCE

Several things happen if you work for the same organisation , person or system for too long. You stop growing and become conservative, cynical, entitled, highly political or embittered. You become emotionally, psychologically, physically, socially and spiritually mortgaged! You feel tied to & inseparable from it You can become- quite easily- like the following:-



INSECURITIES DISGUISED AS LOYALTY

If you have been too long in the same job or organisation, it most probably because :-


• A gold fish in a small or stagnant big pond that thinks it is biggest & baddest fish on earth. A village celebrity who uses the same tired tricks , sings the same song the same way or dances the same style or beats the same drum with no variation at all or the village comedian who tells the same jokes for decades and even laughs at his own dry jokes before everyone else does!

• A history magazine with all past references and very little or no future or simply a broken chair or squeaky door hinge or noisy bed

•A dud lacking in innovation and creativity in exchange for stability, security & political correctness

•You’re insecure, too comfortable, enjoying it or you’re plain mediocre & boring

•You hate change, the company owners or job is using you or you’re using the job/company to do other things totally unrelated or as launchpad. You could also be simply using it to pay the mortgage, take your children through school or maintain your preferred “soft life”. You are fooling yourself, you are like one of the old paintings, carpets or furniture the company will not replace to save costs.

• You are a control freak and prefer to remain in a place where you can use Longevity to manipulate people, processes and outcomes.



It is not really the other person, approach, idea or process that you are fighting, it is you and your innermost fears and deep insecurities. Why are you afraid that more adventurous, entrepreneurial and innovative folks will make mistakes as part of growing or creating the new? What if they succeed?

I am not advocating for an absolute absence of guidance. Rather I am calling for flexible facilitation! Listen, creatives will mess with your heart and head, they will give you headaches. They things appear too experimental and too look like sure bets from the onset. Bear with them! Risk taking is your reward and not necessarily the outcome!

You also resist any changes to what you have laboured to build for many years because you do not believe that anyone else can improve on it. You subconsciously always return to default settings or even safe settings. Tragically, even new and plenty young people are like this. It is not just age and Longevity, it is mindset, personality and character. Narcissists and control freaks come in all sexes, ages, races, cultures and sizes.

FALSE STANDARD BEARER

Whether in political parties , private sector, NGOs, churches, mosques or government long servers are both institutional memory and also potential detention centres of progress. They arrest development, innovation and transformation. You see, they can help new folks avoid making a litany of mistakes or be so conservative that nothing at all functions except done according to some old formulaic way. It is always a fine balance between being the safe pair of experienced hands and the rigid hands of stagnated bureaucracy and rote control. You the old guard can and often frustrates innovative youth and youth totally disregard the tried and tested wisdom both with the same consequences for the organisation.

Here is the golden lesson: If you stay too long in an organisation, job or position, you will subconsciously:-

Fight against anything new person, ideas or changes. You will resist anything that is fresh, out of the box thinking or different. It is like me and colours. For many years everything that I owned had to be dark, mostly navy blue, black or grey and every once in a while a dark brown. My shoes were all black. I am glad that I changed quickly.

Check yourself and some of the doctrinal nonsense that you impose on other people. Relax, life is not all rock and metal, often it is soul and flexible!

YOU CANNOT FAKE LEADERSHIP, INTELLIGENCE , LOYALTY or RELATIONSHIPS. Here are the reasons Why!

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ENSKILL YOUR CONFIDENCE
Often those people with the most to share or that are always overflowing with ideas also have the most to learn. Great confidence can cover up an ocean of ignorance, naivety, shallowness and incapacity. If you’re wise, create ample room to learn as you teach and to receive as you give!

AVOID MICROWAVE JUDGMENT!
Foolish folks get accolades from reaching quick judgments about situations, people and organisations based on anecdotes and talebearers fantasies or prejudices. In countries where literacy, numeracy and eloquence are worshipped, these attributes are often mistaken for leadership qualities. There are many highly educated embiciles and extremely eloquent morons

Wise folks weigh matters, test spirits, study characters and carefully analyze issues first. They don’t follow every wind of opinion!

MONEY is Essential BUT It isn’t EVERYTHING
If anything, COVID-19 has aptly demonstrated, it is that you can die from it with all the money and fame in the world. For many political heavy weights, celebrities and rich folks, money has answered many things except preserving their lives from COVID-19 scourge. But, you cannot buy life!
This season wonderfully demonstrates to each one of us that our most meaningful contributions in life may actually cost no money at all. Just you being genuine, open, attentive or vulnerable with someone. The ideas of “ROCK MAN”, “IRON LADY”, “SUPERWOMAN or SUPER HERO” that is ever strong, always perfect, ever conquering and never wrong are highways to grand deception, heartbreak and spectacular failure!

You are human, strong maybe but you’re flesh and blood (mortal) with spiritual attributes but you live in a body that gets tired, sickly and sometimes cries out for a break (i.e. physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially etc)

SELFISH folks exploit SELFLESS Ones!
There are human beings (young or old, male or female) that are so selfless (ethical, professional, trustworthy and loyal too) that they will risk everything for people or organisations that they believe in or causes dearest to their hearts. And yet there are also human beings so supremely selfish that thrive by or make a business out of exploiting such selflessness, genuineness and goodness. Stop counting what you have done for people and start objectively appreciating the many things that other people have done for you. The risks and sacrifices that others have made for your success, that same success that you want to reduce solely to your individual efforts! Retell your Story and fill in the missing pages of what other people (great and small, known and unkown) have contributed! You cannot show gratitude for and to the people you refuse to acknowledge!

Whispering scatterers!
In every manner and form of organisation there are folks that thrive by whispering & scattering. Instead of creating solutions or producing results their sole preoccupation is discrediting or scattering great things or efforts made by others. Beware the whispering scatterers! There are there even in your family, church, mosque or sports bar too! There are there in every gender, class, race and ethnicit. Scatterers!

If You Disrespect and Disregard Standards & Values procedures and rules keep mission and vision on track. If they are too rigid, they Stiffle innovation and growth by creating an unimaginative bureaucracy. BUT if you throw them away then you are at the mercy of instinct, avarice, greed and malice. Nothing is so sacred in any organisation that rules, procedures & values have to be constantly waived, manipulated or undermined to achieve the interests, convenience or desires of one person or a clique. Organisational standards, rules , procedures and values apply to all. If you make some individual more equal than others you will suffer from the human-god or part human part animal leadership syndrome unmitigated tyranny or infallible-head disease! It won’t take long for sychophancy, mediocrity and division to become the core features of your organisation!

LEADERSHIP isn’t about GRUDGE settlement.
Some of your best middle managers and leaders are eccentric, awkward or constantly questioning individuals. They don’t always make you feel comfortable or happy, but they bring phenomenal results.
If you allow questions of leadership to be settled through vindictiveness, populism , sychophancy, homeboyism and clientalism without reference to performance, ideological clarity or capacity to think strategically then you are much easier to divide & conquer. Your mediocrity as a leadership is proportional to the quality of and measured by the diversity & creativity of the team around you. The less diversity & creativity, the more mediocre!

CONFIDENCE isn’t about NUMBERS

Feel as confident in and about yourself, your values, ideas, dreams, vision, mission, beliefs & strategy whether there is a cheering crowd following, there are haters shouting & screaming or you are simply walking alone in the jungles or wildernesses of Life.
If you measure your own satisfaction and success through numbers only, then you are deceived. The most transformative decisions that you will ever make will most likely not have a great number of supporters . Your most successful entrepreneurial endeavour might not be an overnight success. Your most powerful song, book, poem, article or sermon might not be in front of crowds! Succeed with or without crowds and relish it!

DON’T Know Everything & Everyone

Do not be an authority on everything and everyone. Do not seek to know everything or everyone or to be known by them. If you can afford to, avoid serial name-dropping or assuming that you know every person you took a selfie with or are in a WhatsApp group with. Your desire to know or associate with great, famous or wealthy people (Oh good-looking ones too) will land you in the company of thieves, murderers, liars , traffickers and abusers. Success by association isn’t Networking 101 – It is faking it and hoping that you will make it! Distinguish between the two. You cannot as an adult go around telling stories about Selfie or WhatsApp group friends and their success as though you have shares in it. Please grow up and try to do so very quickly! You cannot succeed by Selfie or WhatsApp Social Osmosis.

Thank you for reading, enjoy the rest of your day, week or Year.

KNOW WHAT WORK IS and ISN’T!

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment


Years back I read somewhere that “WORK” is “LOVE” made visible! It really isn’t about how much you are paid or valued or promoted, although these are very important incentives. I really believe in decent pay for decent work, but at some stage the penny must drop for you. Decent is not the same as wealthy nor is it sufficiently comfortable!

Work is passionate or enjoyable service and not just the “Unfortunate thing or profession” that you were trained to do! In fact, even if you were not formally trained for it, you can build “MASTERY” in it! Here is the scary bit though, most work cannot meet your vision and version of a comfortable life, Let alone cashflow or cash flood expectations!

You cannot become wealthy by working overtime for someone else! Stop trying to squeeze water out of an iron bar or rock!

Let me repeat for the umpteenth time and for the benefit of those who hear things only when they have been repeated several times:

Work, a job or employment is not a war zone where you go to do mortal combat, professional wrestling, taekondo or Kung fu with workmates and bosses. It is not a grudge match. Your job is not to grieve, belittle, outshine or win over anyone of your colleagues. It is to collaborate , co-create and mutually empower each other as a TEAM.

A job isn’t a beauty contest either where you must always be the best looking, most made up and etcetera. What is the point of amassing crowns in someone else’s castle? Get or build your own!

A job isn’t a monogamous marriage run on “till death do us part” principle. Don’t die for a job or in a job, it is not your company and don’t start feeling entitled; you’re not a shareholder! You’re a contract worker O! And contracts do sadly come to an end.

Work or a job is not a life jail sentence to which you have been condemned without the option of parole. It can easily become draining hard labour and a thankless waste of precious youth or middle age time! If you’re in your 30s, 40s or 50s then you’re in the danger zone and soon you might just be a bitter retiree who never fully explored their options beyond that one painful or exhausting work experience. You never know what you can truly and fully do professionally until you explore!

NB. The above is as true for jobs as it is for any membership in any organisation or any relationship. What doesn’t or hasn’t grown you will most likely stagnate, retard or kill you in more ways than one. The problem is not the organisation, relationships or job, It is YOU! If you’re not cactus or succulents you will never grow to your full potential in desert sand or rocky soils. Certain crops or flowers require certain climates, soil types, moisture or sunlight to grow. What kind of plant are you and what are your growth – not comfort or preference – imperatives?

SHUT UP or PUT UP!
If you won’t quit your job , relationship, friendship or organisation, then please SHUT or PUT UP! Don’t spread toxicity by describing your unhappiness that you are unwilling to solve everyday and to everyone.

DO IT FOR YOU!
Have you ever worked somewhere or for someone or been in something for so long that you begin to think and behave like a co-owner? YES, there is a very thin line between ‘Responsible Stewardship’ and subconscious ‘Entitlement’.

If work or a job starts destroying you emotionally and physically or causing you mental health issues: Quit! One day you will be fired & what you’re fighting so hard to keep will be taken away. Don’t ever fear leaving a job or starting a new one. Do it for you.

EXCUSES, STORIES, EXCUZES!

Please never give the lame excuse of mortgage, children’s school fees or personal obligations as an explanation for staying in a toxic work environment or with an abusive or even just manipulative Boss. Look in the mirror & see the only excuse with all its fears.

Please spare us that garbage about not finishing something that you started many years ago or recently at work as your excuse for not leaving. Who do you think you are? If you die or become incapacitated do you think the company will shut down? Get real O!

Be careful about an unbalanced or infantile notion of loyalty. Some people are so genuine, naive or simply nervous that they cannot and will not quit jobs because “when I was nothing, these guys took me in, took care of me, taught me everything that I know and always treated me like family.”

Good for them and good for you! Listen, loyalty is not physical presence, it is conscious value of something or someone. Even the most loyal daughter or son does leave home to stay on their own, to establish their own home, to get married or to pursue their own dreams! Don’t burn bridges when you leave, but leave if you have to! In my experience, the only child that never leaves their parents home may have issues or the parents have issues! Don’t be a drama queen when you intend to leave and don’t do snakes, ladders and dice games. Be open, courteous, grateful, assertive and transparent!

BUT leave. SHOW growth and retain GRATITUDE. Remember: Loyalty is seen in service and not bandage of servitude!

WHAT IS YOUR OWN STORY ?

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment



FANTASY LIVES

No one can silence you from dreaming or sharing your dreams. You have a democratic right to fantasize about any aspect of life. In fact, many people live more out of their fantasies and memories than present day reality. If you’re so unfortunate to be their friend, sibling, workmate or neighbour, you will be drowned in make-believe lifestyles or stories.

Fantasizing helps some people to deal with reality or simply to dull pain, loss, fear, inadequacy and confusion. They make up love

Betrayal, success, greatness, friendship and happiness stories. These people can magnify or amplify a small thing, fleeting experiences, casual encounters with famous or rich people or events into Hollywood, Bollywood & Nollywood blockbuster combined in one with all the requisite stunts, sound effects, emotional expressions and backgrounds!

Sometimes people make up missing people in their lives i.e fathers, mothers, siblings, uncles, aunties, lovers etc) or create past realities that never ever happened e.g. trips, holidays, gifts, fights etc!

Others auto edit their past to remove poverty, dysfunction, abuse, rejection and even some unpalatable relatives and moments! Other people change their ethnic, racial and other such attribute.

Look your history is perfect in its imperfections. You don’t need a perfect past to be the perfect you. This stuff is real folks! People that fantasize a lot often become conmen, public figures, creatives or simply fantastic writers. A majority become avid politicians or activists for some cause! There is a very thin line between serial liars and serial fantasies!

Serial Fantasies are often a sign of delusions of grandeur, great creativity or a narcissistic disorder. Fantasy Manics are likely to be extremely sensitive, vindictive, needy, moody or downright abusive.

Let me sum it up for you :-

(a) They don’t really care about you, your thoughts, feels and personal vision. You have the same worth to them as a selfie , pendant, piece of jewellery, perfume or antic artifact! You are held very close because you fit the frame of their fantasies. You either have the right family background, educational qualifications, artistic talent, looks, social media profile or you pay them homage regularly. You are showered with attention and gifts in order to keep you enslaved, to enslave you or in order not to allow you to worship at any other altar.

(b) Fantasy Manics are the centre of their own universe and they worship themselves and expect everyone else to love, adore or worship them! Don’t you dare bow to their nonsensical delusions, because if you do, you will be manipulated from here to Gujarat, Timbuktu, Hawaii or Honolulu!

Call this abnormality out. Please don’t normalise the abnormal! Start with yourself though. Move yourself from information and image peddling to practical personal transformation and growth .

INFORMATION vs. PRACTICAL LIVED EXPERIENCE

Turn book, Internet and TV information into locally relevant and practically applied knowledge!

I have met plenty people that can eloquently describe how to make money, build wealth or even influence. They can talk about the law, politics, health , education, technology, spirituality, music, arts and culture, leadership, service, environmental consciousness, recycling, integrity, parenting, marriage and etcetera. After I have been impressed by the eloquent articulation, I have always asked how many times , in how many places and for how long have they have done what they have just talked about.

What have been the five major results for other people and for yourself? Where can I get evidence of this great set of achievements from at least five different people ? At that stage the eloquent often start describing sermons, meetings and workshops or just start to stammer!

Friends, it is possible to write books about leadership based on other people’s stories and experiences. You can talk about great miracles, blessings and wonders referencing other people’s experiences and achievements. You can take anecdotes about leadership, saving, investment from Rich Dad /Poor Dad , John C. Maxwell , Covey,etc cram and regurgitate them eloquently. BUT doing and saying are two different things and I dare say experiences. In other words , WHAT IS YOUR OWN STORY?

INSTANT SUCCESS

You can start something and be an overnight success. You can make a song and it becomes a global hit. You can start a movement and it captures public attention like a wild fire. You can say the right things and even become a struggle icon or poster child. You can make one investment decision and strike it rich. BUT instant success without a sustainability formula can destroy you more than repeated earlier failures.

NO ONE CAN TEACH YOU SUCCESS!

The greatest teachers on any subject are not the insanely eloquent, flashy or even celebrated. It’s men and women who have tasted failure several times and made costly mistakes that they have owned up to. No one can teach how to succeed really, BUT there are people out there that can teach you how to handle the very cold winter of failure, rejection, loss and eroded self-confidence.

So, I always ask great leaders two questions:
(a) Have you ever failed in life, if so, how, when & why ?


(b) What lessons did you learn from your failures and how did you rebound from it?

We celebrate a boxer for their triumph in a 15-round bout of boxing and forget how many months and hours of preparatory pain it takes. We celebrate a Sprinter that breaks a world record in under 10 seconds and totally forget that the few seconds victory took months to prepare for. In preparation, what you do everyday matters as much as what you eat, say and think. Feed yourself the right stuff, say and do stuff aligned to your dreams!

PLEASE ABEG, DO !

My friend, you most probably know too much about many very important things but you are either broke , broken or are about to break!

Do, don’t make up ideal pasts, create an ideal future. The things or people you didn’t have growing up created opportunities for imagining a future not based on past deficits but optimums.

-Don’t make up friends, lovers and great connections: deliberately build them. People don’t really care whether you’re great or not, but folks will respect your hustle, your talent, passion and authenticity!

-Fantasies can be turned into something awesome and rewarding if you invest time and skill. Stop describing the ideal , do it , try it and be vulnerable enough to accept that you may fail spectacularly! What is there to lose given your current true status? Not social media status – real state of your finances, relationships and self-confidence!

-If your level of knowledge and quality of life are miles apart, it doesn’t make any sense at all. Truth is, you don’t have bad luck at all. No one bewitched you! You are like someone that buys a fully-kitted gas heater or stove and freezes because of the cold or starves to death because they have the manuals but somehow are afraid to ignite the heater or stove. You have all the resources and even the need to turn your wonderful theories into practice. BUT you are not focused or disciplined enough to take the journey from FANTASIES to practical ACTION! You are not sure, you fear taking baby steps because you fear falling? Falling is part of learning to WALK by yourself. SO, please STOP this your THEORISING and DO! Fail whilst doing ! Who knows, you might just succeed!

Built by Love, Solidarity and Patience

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment



1. KNOWING ME: I would never have truly known myself were it not for my family, friends, colleagues, and Comrades. Each of them has helped to expose the excellent, great, good, bad, ugly, inelegant, underdeveloped, backward, immature aspects of me. I cannot say that each word, act, or aspect of this self-discovery journey has been comfortable or nice. Some have occurred with unbelievable unpleasantness, disappointment, betrayal, loss, or abuse. Yes, please write this down …..siblings, friends, comrades, workmates, and lovers can be extremely abusive. You most probably also are and folks haven’t dared to tell you!

2. MANY EXAMPLES & LIVING ROLE MODELS – Each day I have the privilege to learn from great Africans (known, unknown, and yet to be known). Some of my role models are younger than me, others my age, and others are older. I refused to learn only from the perfect and experienced. I have phenomenal teachers and living examples of excellence, commitment, compassion, integrity, genius, joy, and authenticity cutting across different classes, sexes, nationalities, faiths, and ages. I have learned to openly admire great abilities, capabilities, talents, personality, and character. I have learned to tell people that they are great, even when I disagree with them, their approach, and their point of view. I have also learned to tell anybody and everybody that cares to listen about how well many people I have encountered are. When I realized that I didn’t have to be the greatest at everything and every time, I couldn’t stop seeing greatness in other people and supporting it!

3. THE REFLECTION OF THE LOVE of others. I am, therefore, the product of endless kindness, generosity, mercy, compassion, patience, solidarity and selfless friendship! I cannot help but be eternally grateful to life, God, family, friends, and Comrades.

Each part of my life is a reflection of their love. There is a lot that I have and continue to do for myself, but yoh! The brick and mortar that others have put in would take me 100 years to enumerate. They have built me with questions, suggestions, insults, rebukes, words of inspiration, sharp criticism, sometimes unfair rumors, and lies. Every single one of these building materials makes for a stronger me.

4. TAUGHT & MADE BY MANY: I am grateful to hundreds of thousands of great human beings who over the years have knowingly and unknowingly taught me life skills, professional skills, everyday skills. Taught me to type, drive, walk, speak, think critically, pray forgive, love&laugh. I have had many mentors – (we all do) from the day we were born many hands do the work of God and weave us into the neat packages presented at each next stage of life. Don’t ever try and take credit alone for the success of any person. You are not the only builder that has fashioned the end product. Have the humility to know and acknowledge this! There are many truths that you do not know about your Mentees!

5. MATURITY- Pasca Tawonezvi used to say – “Does not ring an alarm or bell”. You don’t need anyone to tell you that you are now a grown-up and you should stop acting your shoe size or behaving like a wannabe Hollywood, Bollywood or Nollywood celebrity!

Remember that IMMATURITY in any human being has several attributes, including:-
(a) An abiding sense of entitlement&Selfishness. You think and believe that your parents, siblings, family, friends must give you what you want because you’re related to them or have a relationship with them? You’re are very selfish! You keep talking and you never give unless it serves your selfish desire for profile or PR

(b) A desire for instant gratification. Everything must happen now with no regard to reality or process. This is why you are easily deceived, because you want instant wealth, fame, power, etc with neither method, strategy nor work ??

(c) Endless demands not backed up own work, effort, discipline, or innovation. It’s always dreaming that someone else ( a Blesser, Parent, Sibling, Boss, etc) must pay for. Some even make babies and plan grand marriages or holidays on other people’s budgets

(d) Childish Joy or Happiness derived from seeing, doing, or having things. This desire for trinkets to hide emptiness is the highest form of hollow and shallow living

(e) Childish Tantrums or manifesting against anyone and everyone that calls your bluff or challenges you or refuses or rejects you. Adults know that the reality of life comes with inevitable rejection, loss, denial, refusal, and yes sometimes failure and lack. Grow up and Get used to this reality.

(f) Constantly comparing yourself to & competing with others. When your identity is solely based on being better than the next person, then you have a very deep ocean of personal insecurities. Be enough in yourself. Beat you at everything and not other people. Help other people achieve their dreams & visions.

(g) LIES and MADE UP stories. Immature folks sometimes tell the dumbest lies and for absolutely no reason. You cannot lie to yourself to rock star status, legend, or sainthood. Someday the lies will outpace you or some people will take you too seriously and discover that you’re nothing but a hoax, a fraud! Some even gain the courage of lying about talking to God, the Holy Spirit, or important people in this world. Please come down to earth, greatness is not a fake weave or false teeth. You have to work and earn it!

(h) Gullibility: How is it that you are so gullible? Listen, don’t be cynical but do not be naive either. If you’re mature, question everything and everyone!

(i) MANIPULATION and OBSESSIVE CONTROL – immature people thrive on emotional, intellectual, psychological, economic, social, and political blackmail. They try and make other people feel guilty for not satisfying their childish fantasies, sense of entitlement, megalomania, narcissism, etc. They never want you to know, interact with, or experience life except according to what they dictate or direct. This is neither attention nor care oo, it is an emotional and mental health condition. Ask yourself, am I manipulative and controlling or am I being manipulated and controlled? Seek change urgently!

NB. Don’t waste life criticizing people simply because you differ from them. Recognize greatness in others so that your own may echo through theirs!