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Hold On or Let Go!
Category Uncategorized
Love and Transformation
- The Power of Love
Love is a doing word. It is never an inactive emotion. Love’s power is always in action and work; it is in responding with ability and creating with meticulous care.
In all dimensions of life, we often underestimate the power of love. Be it in business, politics, social struggle, or social justice. You know why? It is, in part, because we think that only facts and evidence impel informed action. We are indoctrinated to believe that without evidence there can be no rational or informed action. In other words, that evidence alone enables rational action. Having immersed ourselves in this partially true assumption, we then get confused and angry that, after presenting copious amounts of evidence, the people or market are not responsive. In our ideological immaturity, we start scapegoating or abusing the people and/or the market for lacking commonsense, taste, a sense of urgency (or agency), and discernment.
Look, people are cognitive, emotive, and spiritual beings who reside in a physical body. You have to learn to move or motivate them in all 3 dimensions of their being. They reason through certain things and feel through others. Connect with them holistically.
- Tragedy and Victimhood as Motivation?
In social justice and political spaces , people merchandise suffering and tragedy as the premises of their leadership legitimacy. Something along these lines, “I suffered the most, and therefore I have the natural or divine right to govern or rule” . As a result, the ridiculous political beauty pageantry of victimhood now dominates the spaces and places of the leadership search. Only the wounded, hurt , broken, and victimised have legitimacy. Those who never suffered – no matter how skilled or competent to lead – are treated with suspicion. Having experienced ill-treatment and some suffering myself, I can see how this trend replicates a path that led Africa to a capture by a liberator generation that assumed a divine right to rule because they had liberated us . Liberation contributions as the excuse or justification of autocratic Kleptocracy? Everyone must reject the reincarnation of this ideological aberration.
- Normalisation of the Abnormal
It is not only tragedy, pain , loss , and pressure that move people to fight for freedom and against oppression , to innovate to solve their social and economic conditions. It is possible for oppressed people to normalise their abnormal situation of oppression using spiritualism or such other false consciousness.
4. Genuine Freedom is the outcome of love for self, for country, for continent, and for humanity.
Love is a necessary precondition of transformative revolution. It is the best lens for defining just causes. Always ask yourself, “What do I love so much that I am willing to fight for ?” This could be something that you love about yourself, your community, your country, and your continent. Something that you are passionate about, care about and value most?
Have a clear mental picture of the things that you value . Analyse the systems, people, and interests threatening to erode or destroy these. Build the moral outrage and political consciousness to fight for what you love and value. Don’t only fight from a point of outrage without first developing a transformational strategy for battle. Lest after you have defeated the destroyers of what you value and love, you only achieve the creation of a more destructive moral, political, and economic vacuum or renewed quo.Use your strategy to develop tactics and a narrative. Tell stories that inspire others with hope and courage to join the cause
5. The Pitfall of Anger as the Cause
Excessive anger at a person, group, or system can consume common sense. Avoid being driven by anger; it can blind you to both danger and opportunity. Anger is always momentary; true transformation is love in action.
When we were…
When we were naive, starry-eyed dreamers in high school, we couldn’t be defeated or deflated! Across the world, young and immature adults live their lives comparing and competing with others. They constantly strive to beat the next person, to win against them, to be better, to have as much money or property, to look as good or better, and so on.
When we were young, we believed in all sorts of people and things, myths and fables! We were easily swayed by ultra-religiosity and ideological fancies. In our own minds and world, we considered ourselves “revolutionaries”. Being young is great, but being realistic is significant!
When we were young, there were people who were considered good-looking/beautiful, celebrity DJs, sports persons, actors, scholars, and model leaders in junior and secondary school. These individuals became well-known, perhaps even famous, in the area. Some came from prominent or supposedly wealthy families. They were our leaders in mischief and drove or were driven in fancy cars. However, without understanding mathematics or excelling in sciences, they assumed their parents were rich because they owned things. These young ones lived extravagantly, spending their parents’ wealth with abandon. We also had evangelists, prophets, pastors, muftis, and imams. Each area of endeavor had plenty of wannabes.
Then there were petty thugs, pimps, small-time drug peddlers, notorious paupers who wasted their parents’ hard-earned school fees trying to be gangsters or high school idols in hip-hop or R&B. There were also players and girls who discovered their sexuality and sensuality during puberty or adolescence. Junior and high school cultures have progressively become hyper-sexualized, criminal, rough, and rowdy over the last 35 years or so. But I digress. Petty thugs helped the spoiled rich boys and girls infiltrate the ghetto with fake Euro-American accents and a desire for a wealthy lifestyle. Both groups educated each other in drug abuse and debauchery. They partied as if they were in movies, living as if they had endless lives and boundless wealth. These friendships were unproductive. People hung out, drinking, smoking, and engaging in all sorts of activities while talking about big dreams that never materialized… a make-believe fantasy world. It’s a pity if you are married to, friends with, or siblings of someone from this group.
Poor ghetto guys believed they would become rich by associating with spoiled rich brats, and the spoiled rich brats believed they would become streetwise by associating with ghetto kings and queens. Kids make up reality as they go along. However, parents also overcompensate and create fantasies about their children. Who doesn’t want their children to be successful, beautiful, rich, famous, and intelligent? The ridiculous things parents are willing to ignore or overlook in order to live in their fantasy world. Oh, Mama, Papa, see your daughter or son for who they really are, not what you fantasize them to be!
Rich girls ended up with broke ghetto players, and rich boys became addicted to well-raised, hard-working ghetto sisters and gold diggers. After all, the social ladder is for climbing, and descending, isn’t it? Everyone wanted something different from what they were accustomed to. Different neighborhoods, different schools, different social classes. The ghetto had soul, while the suburbs had quiet moments and spaces.
Fast forward to now, those from the ghetto have ended up in the suburbs while the rich still search for soul in the ghetto. Ironically, the ghetto now monopolizes the suburbs with its vibes, habits, cuisine, and clear sounds. The accents in the ghetto are more middle class and foreign than those in the suburbs. Is it due to TV, social media, or films?
I remember when we were young, we had crushes on people we rarely glance at now. Those we considered geniuses have average intelligence and moderate accomplishments. Our high school sports and social icons are, frankly, nobody. The so-called “A-Listers” don’t even make the list. When we were young, we never thought we would change or that life would change. We felt fresh (or thought we did), we were strong, full of hope, energy, and dreams.
When we were young, we didn’t understand why our parents demanded that we optimize our time, work hard, and avoid corrupting friendships. We didn’t understand why we needed to wait to indulge in certain things, activities, and fantasies. We didn’t understand how each action we took or failed to take would shape our present loves. We didn’t accept that all choices have consequences! Yes, when we were young, we loved material things, admired temporary stuff, consumed everything we earned, and wanted instant gratification.
But my friend, life isn’t short at all if you make bad choices in your youth and live with the consequences in adulthood! When we were young, we believed we would be forever young. Here we are, neither young nor old enough. But now we know better!
Walking Alone Amongst a Crowd
- Introduction: No One Can Drink Immodium for Your Running Tummy!
All pain is personally experienced even when collectively witnessed or shared. Impact is always differentiated and uneven. The same could be said of pressure and pleasure. The same act, thing or process that gives one the thrills also scares or bores another to death.
Even if I gave you a step-by-step guide, how-to toolbox and the latest app on pain, pressure, and pleasure management, you still will experience your own it your own way. Neither riches, fame, good looks, religiosity, intelligence nor love can totally immunise all aspects of your life from inevitable pressures, pleasures and pains of being a living being.
- The Best-Selling Books Don’t Tell You Everything About Leadership Situations and Human Feelings
There are countless Leadership manuals about good, supportive and healthy relationships( personal, political, social and economic). Any person that loves and accompanies their pregnant personal person into a labour ward in order to give birth does not themselves experience labour pains (plural). They witness the agony of birthing life and joy from close range. They may even shed a tear. But the most that they can do is to emphathise, hold their loved one’s hand, say some dumb(but soothing) anecdotal or cliché stuff.
Presence and empathy does not, cannot and will not take away the pain nor do love gestures actually. They make inevitable pain bearable ! The Leadership journey is often very lonely and painful, even when you have crowds of people around you and sometimes cheering you on. As a leader your stock-in-trade is skillful judgment (the ability to decide upon consideration of evidence, and context), communication, connection and empathy. In Leadership, there are emotional , psychological and intellectual acres and kilometers where you just have to walk alone , to carry your own cross and own it . There are moments of adversity that will test your sanity , fortitude and resolve . In such moments you are paradoxically inadequate and enough at the same time; surrounded by a great team and alone ; visionary and doubtful ; wounded and raring to go. These are what I call ‘Sweet and Sour ,Chilli Sweet moments’
- No Exemptions from Chilli-Sweet Situations and Feelings
Books on Empathetic, Situational, Performative, collaborative, servant, Level 5 or 20X Leadership often do not and cannot tell you how you will feel when doing or going through unavoidable leadership situations and processes that are chilli-sweet. You just have to experience it for yourself. Don’t be fooled, the fact that you experienced something similar before or elsewhere doesn’t make the present experience less painful, let alone less emotionally or mentally exhausting. You often get this feeling of pain, frustration, exhaustion and anger when you are empathetic and actually care about those that you lead, as well as the issues, situations or causes involved. Unfortunately my friends, good attitude or positive outlook does not exempt you at all from feeling these ‘Sweet and sour’ or chilli-sweet feelings .
- Hero, Villain and Fool – All-in-One !
Unpleasant or painful situations oftentimes generate woundedness and unpleasantness in people. When disruption or unpleasant things happen in any organisation, movement , family or community, folks need a scapegoat . As a leader you are the most convenient candidate or target ( it is a risk of the trade) . When folks are frustrated , you are to them ( justifiably or not) the proverbial fool at the top who is responsible for all that is bad and incapable of thinking things through . At this stage of leadership you forfeit your right to be heard , believed or presumed innocent until proven guilty. At worst, you maybe characterised as the mortal enemy of progress that must be fought or resisted at all costs . Wear your elephant skin during this period because many piercing words will be aimed at you . During this period be very wary of toxic positivity , that is dangerous escapism from the reality of the mess that you’re in .
Occasionally though, you maybe equated to Santa Klaus , candy person or ice-cream supplier that brings gifts, sweetness and goodies. I hate to say this , crowds are fickle. Even Jesus Christ knew this. The same crowds that welcomed him on palm Sunday wanting to make him king as he rode a donkey into Jerusalem, were a few days later chanting “crucify him” as he bore his own cross .Remember dear leader that the very same people will instinctively place you in very different boxes or categories based on how they feel about the situation, a process , themselves, their colleagues or the organisation. So quit trying to play ice-cream man ,candy woman or Santa . Lead by ideas , purpose and conviction, have clarity about the kind of Leadership that your situation demands .
- Survivors or Comrades Guilt
Unless you are totally heartless, thoughtless, and bloodless , whatever touches your colleagues, peers and team is likely to also deeply move , pain ,and affect you (psychologically and emotionally). It is likely to affect you more if you cannot do anything to change the situation, process or outcome. This helplessness in the face of the other’s loss, or pain engenders sympathy and guilt. You are likely to feel that somehow you didn’t do enough , that you were not there for your team ,that you betrayed them by your inaction or let them down somehow. This Survivors guilt needs to be addressed and faced . Don’t deny it , hide from facing it , or pretend that you’re not feeling it. Whatever you do , please do not try to over compensate ! You will feel like crap, totally drained emotionally and isolated.
- Reflect (don’t deflect) in order to Move Forward
When you begin to experience the effects of ‘Chilli-sweet’ survivors guilt , this is the best place to begin deep reflection , straregizing and innovating . Take a pause , find yourself in order to retrace your leadership path ! Get intellectual and emotional electrolytes for the rest of the journey . Reach out to and support your Comrades , Peers and Team knowing that too much time spent grieving or greeting may be lost time to your cause or finding alternatives . But not everyone will accept you or your offer for support. Accept and Own that too !
CONCLUSION : Wisdom of the Eldership
In January 2000, I went to see Dr. Goodwill Shana about a thorny socio-political issue .At the time , I sought his , the late most affable Rev. Charles Chiriseri and Bishop Mutume’s counsel about how best to approach a highly sensitive and polarizing national process . There was drama everywhere and as you know people often become thorny when hurting. Dr. Shana – after exchanging pleasantries and hearing my cause- offered me a cup of tea (I am not a tea person at all). He then said as we sat down to a cup of tea : “All salt is salty and all sugar is sweet, but you and I have different taste buds. Food that you want to add salt to maybe too salty for me. And the sugar that you add may be too little or too much for someone else. Each tongue tastes salt or sugar for itself. But we are drinking tea together. This not just about preference, it may be a medical/ health issue”.
Rev. Charles Chiriseri was an amazing asset to civil society in Zimbabwe and a fountain of wisdom. He had a unique laugh and was always empathetic. Given the innumerable incidents of toxicity and backstabbing amongst social actors ,he said to me ,”Brian, remember that the seeds for the destruction of anything born out of malice , rebellion , competition ,and deceit are contained in the very thing itself”.
Bishop Mutume was a revered and infectiously humorous elderly Catholic sage residing in Mutare at the time. I travelled 3 hours to go and see him. As our tradition demands, when I arrived to see him, I went into elaborate greetings. At some stage he interrupted me and said , ” Kagoro, stop it, by the time you’re done with all this elaborate greeting and small talk, what you came here to solve will have worsened. Wavingeyi ? (what brings you this far my son)”.
Cut the ritual, get to the point and start doing what will move you from a pity-party, survivors guilt or a sense of inadequacy to transformative strategy. Remember though that your tastes or take on stuff may for good reason be very different from the next person. Whatever you do, avoid malice, it contains self-destruction seeds in itself !
Difference that leads to Sameness or Default Settings
Be very careful about making your mentors or platinum standard people whose philosophy of life, attitudes, advice, and general approach has been framed by greed, selfishness, narcissistic disorder, abuse, loss, guilt, bitterness and/or rejection. The sound’s very fresh , practical , compelling , easily doable , uplifting, logical, different and unbelievably attractive….too good to be true. And you are like, this is the real stuff, why didn’t I do this way before now ?
BUT this poisonous self-indulgent, here and now alluring advice ultimately leads to that same dark place, namely :
- Self-abuse, abuse of others and abuse by others which in the end results in :-
- Loss
- Guilt
- More bitterness
- Rejection
- Emotional fragility
- Negativity
BUT for a short while it would have made you feel emotionally and psychologically high, you are so happy with yourself that you become both a disciple and evangelist of the self-destructive philosophy. However, it does sting, bite or pierce in the end or at some time. At that time, it is too late to regret or change course .
If you want joy in your life, make up your philosophy of life based on the future you want to build whilst acknowledging the scars that made you bitter, fragile, afraid or strong and determined. Acknowledge the grief, loss and pain of life, don’t make it a philosophy, it is an experience and not a monument or memorial detention centre for your emotions and soul .
Friend, lay that weight aside and spare yourself entrapment by the same behavioral patterns, attitudes and reasoning that reproduces your pain, wounds and fears on steroids ! PLEASE avoid antics , thinking and behavior that masquerades as difference but ultimately leads to sameness or your original emotional, psychological, physical, and intellectual default settings described above !
Revenge
Have you ever or are you experiencing hyper micro aggression from colleagues, Comrades, Siblings, spouse, lovers, neighbours or strangers who play dirty?
Are you the target of malicious attacks , constant undermining, sexist slurs, racialized infantalization or false allegations ?
Do you feel tempted to hit back, Revenge or simply return the favour by being equally nasty, sneaky and malicious? I suggest that you leave it be. Don’t let other people’s issues become your issues or to alter your character and vibe . Why though ?
I think that revenge is overrated! Some people’s character and personality flaws are the greatest revenge against themselves. They don’t need you to do anything. They will throw themselves over professional, social, political, and spiritual cliffs because they play dirty.
Play your game according to your rules, do you !
COLONIAL ERASURE and Post-Colonial Imaginaries of Law and Society
You can only aspire for what you can construct as a clear mental picture (vision).
If the mental picture that you aspire to is merely about being an acceptable carbon copy of someone else ( i.e. another person, culture, nation, civilization, race, etc) then you are deep in mental slavery.
If what you know only empowers you to mimic someone else or another culture or race, then you are a victim of knowledge autocracy or knowledge imperialism. Who you really are, could be and should be has been totally erased. Such erasure starts with erasure of memory or history
You do not need to be a lawyer in order to understand that there is something ridiculous with African judges wearing white wigs and red gowns in our sweltering heat or lawyers wearing black gowns , white wigs and gebou(bibs). We inherited this from the colonial era and much more insidious and harmful ideologies about being, becoming and belonging at law.
Our Constitutions are mostly authored from the following assumptions, perspectives and principles :
1. African customary law shall apply in narrow family settings and with regards to the determination of traditional leadership only to the extent that it is not repugnant to general law ( read into this European or Western Law)
2. In other words, African customary law and culture doesn’t apply to issues of property; commerce, technology, education, health and almost every other important aspect of your life. Why ? Because natives were deemed to have no philosophy, no culture really and no values such as would distinguish them from mere brutish animals
3. Such that even when determining land ownership in Zimbabwe in 1918, British Privy Council was of the opinion that “the native has no concept of ownership” . Hence the Chimurenga war mantra that the Liberator was a “Son or Daughter of the Soil” …inseparable from the Land.
The idea that the land – all land – belonged to the colonial State and by parity of reasoning the white minority that presided over the State was made even more ridiculous by the view that mining claims superceded even land ownership by title deed. The mining interests of the colonial elite essentially led to a law that empowered the pillaging mining oligarchy to evict whole villages in order assert their right to dig for minerals. Questions of free prior and informed consent and mutual benefit are very recent developments.
Today we see whole villages and conservancy being pillaged by foreign prospectors protected by State Elites ( albeit Black Elites). What is tragic though is how liberating a country from colonial rule without concurrent decolonization of the law leads essentially to continuation of colonial governance and outcomes long after the white colonialists are gone. If you don’t change the structure, culture and mindset of the judiciary and lawyers you will efficiently echo an Empire long gone! Political and economic scavenging elites will decimate communities and ecology in search of El Dorado!
HISTORY PROVES ALL OF US FOOLISH
We cannot undo the harm done through constitutional, judicial and legal forms, including legal education without pressing the reset button.
If you consider the Chinese, Indian and African civilisations, they were far more advanced in their imagination of law , society and justice than the Euro-American systems that they have become absolutely dependent upon.
For instance, In the early thirteenth century, following a major military victory, the founder of the Mandingo Empire and the assembly of his wise men proclaimed in Kurukan Fuga the new Manden Charter, named after the territory situated above the upper Niger River basin, between present-day Guinea and Mali.
The Manden Charter, is one of the oldest constitutions in the world. It contains a preamble of seven chapters dealing with the following: social peace in diversity, the inviolability of the human being, education, the integrity of the motherland, food security, the abolition of slavery by razzia (or raid), and freedom of expression and trade.
Long after the Empire disappeared, the words of the Charter and the rituals associated with it are still transmitted orally within the Malinke clans. To keep the tradition alive, commemorative annual ceremonies of the historic assembly are organized in the village of Kangaba (adjacent to the vast clearing of Kurukan Fuga, which now lies in Mali, (close to the Guinean border). The ceremonies are backed by the local and national authorities of Mali and, in particular, the traditional authorities, who see it as a source of law and as promoting a message of love, peace and fraternity, which has survived through the ages. The Manden Charter continues to underlie the basis of the values and identity of the populations concerned.
At Great Zimbabwe and Mapungubgwe you will find similar renditions of law (the unwritten but well codified and practiced constitutions) that were key to social harmony, cohesion and prosperity. Our kingdoms and nations traded and inter-married thus borrowing practices from each other. If you travel from Southern Africa to Timbuktu via Lamu/Mombasa, Rwanda, Ethiopia, Ghana and Nigeria you will naturally notice many similarities (universal practices). Our humanities and social sciences guru’s must help us codify and modernise this inert universality. Why not? After all, are we not forced to or happily practice/apply Roman-Dutch common law (read customary law) with touches of German, English and French customary practices in independent Africa?
If we continue to imagine law and justice in Roman-Dutch, German, French colonial images, then decolonization is far from being accomplished. The wigs, gowns and etcetera are mere expressions of deeply internalised coloniality! We need the courage to re-imagine.
The fact that we had and have practices of conflict resolution and conceptions of justice that are restorative in our own cultures and we have despite 60 years of independence not sought to find universal meaning out of these shows that our imagination is deeply damaged by this internalised coloniality! We are proved foolish by history.
DO NOT PROCRASTINATE, PAY UPFRONT
Let me repeat what the late Pastor Zivanai D. Manyika (one of my great mentors & friend – ZD) taught me. I was a young lawyer with many accolades and more blind spots. I was very sure of many things and knew a lot less than I thought.
We have countries, communities, families, individuals, churches, mosques and NGOs that live way beyond their means. All of us owe emotional, nutritional, spiritual, cultural, professional, physical, intellectual, relational, familial and financial debts. Every dimension of life demands of us a price, certain risks and sacrifices. It demands that we give or give away somethings in order to receive other things or factors of greater value.
You see, many things that parents and mentors say to you only make sense much later in life. One thing I did though, was that I listened to all my mentors attentively. Each of them was like seasoning of a different type. Some were honey, others chilli 🌶 , others garlic or ginger. Mentors help to chisel characters.
ZD would hold his head in hands and say in a deeply reflective manner: “Baba, in Life, if there is any price, risk or sacrifice for anything – pay it upfront….. no matter how costly or painful it may seem. Delay or procrastination costs much more”. It only made partial sense then as ZD spoke. When I was on my own, a stream of contradictory thoughts would race through my head. Sometimes I would ask myself kuti ‘surely, if you cannot afford something that you want immediately, you simply buy it on hire purchase’.
Why choose the hard path when there are plenty easier options? I always thought. The country (Zimbabwe) was prosperous then and many young professionals lived LaVida on borrowed (hire purchases) clothes, cars, household furniture,etc. ZD insisted and I listened to his difficult, challenging & indigestible wisdom & instructions: Pay Upfront, Pay Now or Pay Soon!
As a result, I avoided unnecessary debt and when I look back, I also avoided unnecessary future pain, suffering & loss by paying for many things upfront ( be it career, studying, working hard, reading, friendships,etc). I still do!
Here are the reasons why:
1. Some of your present pain, your condition, your losses, your struggles etc is as a result of costs that you deferred payment or refused to pay when it would have been less painful to do so! It is about personal growth needs & imperatives that you tried to avoid, evade or ignore! Your pain is the outcome of both CHOICES that you made and those that you deferred or outsourced (to lovers, friends, parents, relatives, workmates or Comrades) .
2. Some of your stories of survival, your relationship Wahala/Nyayas/matata/shida (trouble) and the mess that you blame other people for are truly things you have repeatedly refused to risk, sacrifice or simply change. You want everyone, everything and even God to change to your own selfish, childish, delusional and unsustainable image of life. All legitimate victory comes after battle or competitition, preparation and some significant measure of pain, loss, discomfort, inconvenience. My brother, my sister, my friend, Comrade – pay the cost now! Risk and sacrifice now!
3. You substituted playing/fun for studying in high school or university and you think that you are cursed or have bad luck? No, you have a bad attitude, poor sense of priorities, are undisciplined, lazy or you just feel too sorry for yourself! You may even be delusional or simply carry a silly sense of entitlement! Lose it quickly, I mean -that toxic silliness!
4. THINK : about the seemingly menial job you were unwilling to do, the extra school work or degree you thought you could always do in the future, the business that you did not have the discipline and focus to sustainably build ; the course on language, coding or whatever that you despised or deferred? Ultimately, You will pay with the poor quality of life and diminishing opportunities.
Unfortunately, no amount of Prayer or lucky charms, no Blesser, Prophet, Marabou nor Sangoma can make you to totally avoid carrying your own cross.
Pay Now!
There are people who never had the opportunities for education, self-development, career advancement, and beneficial self-employment because they were too poor to afford these or were discriminated against by the system and so on and so forth – BUT You, your Case is different! You decided or failed to decide!
5. If you don’t read, learn and act now when you have the time, strength & opportunities – you will be forced by life to do so when neither time, strength nor opportunity are available. It is called sacrifice of Foolishness! Please Pay Now !
6. If you do not practice depriving yourself certain conveniences, comforts and privileges, you will unnecessarily suffer later on in life. It is as true for drink/food/diet choices and disease outcomes, as it is for hardwork and professional development. Practice pain and suffering (walk, run, jog, go to the gym, learn a new language, learn to drive, to fly, to swim, to sing, to play an instrument well, learn to cook, to code, to build, to make something with your hands, to write, to analyse….whatever). PayNow!
Avoid paying the prices of life with exorbitant interest rates in the future!
7. If you get away with lying about people, things and places and people believe your nonsensical lies (play-acting or pretense); change quickly when there is still time. There are places where your lying will not work for you, where playing naive or victim will have absolutely no currency at all. There are places and times where and when your lack of integrity and accountability will cost you everything! STOP talking BIG or pretending that you’re at levels that you are not at or that you are an expert on stuff that you know very little about . PUT substance to your posturing: study, read and enskill your passio!
8. If you’re the lazy type that gets siblings, parents, friends, workmates and strangers to do all the work – so that you can steal their work, efforts or credit: Change! Start working, thinking and doing. If all you have ever had to do until now was to turn on your charm volume & taps, there are places where charm and PR are not enough. Places where people want something meaningful and substantive beyond a feel good moment or a truckload of clichés and platitudes. There are places where your laziness or hollowness will take centre-stage and a big spotlight will be shone on it. No amount of English or French or good accent will suffice. These are places where your cleverness and smart posturing will make you look like the platinum standard of world foolishness!Please pay now!
9. Life is not waiting for you to grow up, to become more responsible, to mature beyond acquisition of things, positions and titles.
10. Peoples’ lives, time and everything else is moving on ! So, if you were the village( township or suburb) beauty or diva …move on !
11. If you were the high-school (or University) hero or genius, reference point of excellence and achievement, pathfinder, pacesetter, first this or that -move on ! If you were the most sought after, wanted, intelligent, handsome, powerful or sexy – Move on!
12. Grow up: set and achieve new milestones and everyday/year/decade successe, build new memories, create new value, push yourself to become the best version of your self as of today and not yesterday!
13. PIn Your Life: if there is any PRICE, COMMITMENT, SACRIFICE or RISK that requires doing or paying : PAY UPFRONT!
Deferred cost, living Life on hire purchase means that you will pay a lot more. Sometimes you may even have to pay such deferred costs with your Life, your health, your job and your relationships. Don’t be foolish – pay upfront for your needs, desires, ambition and vision.
ANOTHER AFRICA IS URGENTLY NEEDED & OVERDUE!
The mission facing African youth is not one of participating or disrupting the Status Quo. No, it is one of conducting a modern ‘War-less’ and ‘Blood-less’ Revolution against the bloodsucking Elites ruining & running Africa!
A FLOOD OF CRISES BEYOND COVID-19
Beyond the scourge or scare of COVID-19, many African countries, communities, organizations, and families face innumerable crises, including the following:
– Crisis of families
-Crisis of leadership
-Crisis of citizenship
-Impasse of perception & crisis of vision
-Crisis of ethics and accountability
-Crisis of governance and politics
-Economic structural Crisis
-Ecological/Environmental Crisis
Some of the gravest manifestations of these crises are:
– Abuse of women, girls & children, and general sexual and gender-based violence. You should call this for what it really is, a Crisis of Masculinity and its toxicity. A man unable to discipline their bodies, fragile egos, unruly appetites, and the multipolarity of modern society
– Abuse of office, grand corruption, and impunity. Leaders that destroy society, institutions, constitutions, values, vision, economies, and social cohesion. We are a Leaderless society in ethical, service, and performance terms. We have millions dying because of casual sexual encounters and casual and temporary relationships with power merchants and masquerades during elections.
– Abuse of the vote and of voters by citizens that use petty short-term considerations to choose or recycle nonperforming, brutal, murderous, and thieving politicians only to spend 5 more years protesting against the predictable incompetence. In truth, we – for the most part – exchange long-term transformation and prosperity for a T-shirt, beer, or a few coins. Our transactional approach to elections can only produce wheeler-dealers and not transformative leaders
– If Vision is a redemptive and clear picture of what we need to become or can become, then we don’t have the shared transformative, let alone a redemptive one. It is one thing to make outlandish promises to voters and quite another to deliver on stuff that transforms society, nations, and continents. Negative framing of electoral messaging as ending this or that has no capacity to translate into the creation of such and such! Even more worrying is the fact that we expect to do the transformation in an ideological, ethical, values, human capacities, and skills vacuums. Please ask your leaders after they make fantastic electoral promises to show you their Team that will deliver on the promises?
– It is almost given that the number one job of most of our public servants and leaders in Africa is Corruption or grand theft. They will loot COVID-19 and any other disaster funds or money meant for infrastructure, social development, healthcare, and employment creation. For what? To buy cars, booze, impress lovers, and spend on self – That is splendid decadence and gross shallowness!
– Most of our political parties are not really organizations. They are hollow shells run like gangs or a game of Snakes and Ladders by casting dice 🎲. These have Constitutions and structures, but no meaningful skills. Check across the whole continent. How many political parties have research or policy departments? How many have leadership schools? How many have innovation or policy units? So, how do these hollow shells run competent governments? By charm or charisma of their leaders?
– Africa faces an economic structural crisis that manufactures poverty, inequality, and environmental degradation on an industrial scale. Soil fertility is being depleted, farmlands parcelled out to foreign investors like confetti at a wedding. There will be nothing left for future generations. Every natural resource is known is being exchanged for bribes or pittances without any meaningful job creation, industrialization, or thought for economic diversification. The incongruencies between our economic, social, and environmental policies should frighten you as must the short-termism. Our leaders are making long-term choices based on the duration of their term of office or the expected number of years before death
OPPORTUNITIES
Each of the crises I have described is also massive opportunities to shap, fight for, and create Another Africa, A different Africa! Another Africa is both Possible, desirable, and Imperative. You cannot create a New African reality using exhausted ideas of the future and Past. Nor is another Africa possible anchored on the current leadership, institutions, and policies. The Imperative of a New Africa calls for new names, new organizations, new approaches, new innovations, solid values, and bankable skills.
Africa’s great asset is its people, not the Big 5 or Mineral Resources. The fact that we allow the rest of the world to reduce our beauty and value to only naturally occurring phenomenon such as gold, platinum, tanzanite, oil, Game, Waterfalls, Mountains, Lakes and Oceans aptly demonstrates that we are unwitting participants in the reduction of African bodies and minds into uninteresting & unproductive forms. Some even joke that the African brain has great potential because it is yet to be fully used. This is crass self-hate or racism. Africa should be and has always been the Land of great inventions, ideas, and progress. To become this again we must not just pivot, we must transform or do a revolution!
FIX MEN IN ORDER TO FIX AFRICA!
When we were growing up Sexual and gender-based violence was often inappropriately referred to as “domestic affairs” by police authorities. Our society sanitized domestic violence and sexual predatory conduct as “normal male conduct”. Until the Women’s Movement taught us that the personal is political and the private is public. This is an invaluable insight because our society often ‘privatizes’ abusive behavior that we ought to appreciate as both political and public.
Irresponsible and Unaccountable Masculinity
Each time a teacher or male relative or neighbor ‘raped’ an under-age girl, the rapist was treated like royalty and a quick marriage or payment of damages to the girl’s parents done. These pedophiles never stopped and no one ever held them to account. Their victims were ignored, silenced, or shamed by the community. This idea that the male species has unfettered immunity and impunity to behave badly at home and away explains the larger problem with impunity in our society.
Male children were raised and socialized into unlimited privilege and absolutely no responsibility and certainly no or limited accountability. What do you expect? These same children became husbands, fathers, chiefs, CEOs, managers, preachers, traditional healers, teachers, doctors, lawyers, councilors, MPs, and even Presidents. Their authority and status did not ever have to be linked to responsibility and/or accountability. Some continued their pedophilia, sexual predation, abuse, and unaccountable behavior. When reports are made to the police, they pay their way out of responsibility and accountability.
We – the men- wield authority, power, and privilege almost as an entitlement, an exclusive possession. We are not – for the most part- familiar with the idea of mutuality in leadership or the notion of co-leadership, let alone co-created solutions. This idea of exclusivity that is not reciprocal permeates every aspect of male life. We -the men- tell lies, are unfaithful, do not account for anyone, but we demand truth, faithfulness, accountability, and exclusivity from our female lovers and/or spouses. Of course, there are women who are unsurpassable at this cheating game (legends).
As men, we live and behave as though it is entirely up to us to choose whether or not to be responsible and accountable in the enjoyment of our multiple privileges and immeasurable private and public power. We can sire children, contribute nothing to their upbringing, and pitch up during a girl’s Lobola (bride price) ceremony to unashamedly play the father. It is one thing to be irresponsible and unaccountable, but quite another to be shameless. I am told that Tswana culture has a remedy for this stupid behavior.
Men can philanderers, abandon their spouses and children only to return terminally ill expecting to be nursed as of right. The Male status, socialisation, and bastardization of culture allow us as men to constantly reap where we never sowed and to sow where we never water or nurture. And society has an entire bank of excuses for our bad behavior! We never care to reflect on the harm and hurt we cause because responsibility is not our thing!
Fix men in order to fix AFRICA
Starting at the family level, we have established a system of assignment of privilege that is both corrupt and corrupting. If you want to fix Africa, end impunity, abuse, corruption, violence, and abuse ….. fix the Men & boys!
Don’t look beyond the home and family to understand our national and continental governance challenges. Fatherhood (or Manhood, Maleness, etc), power, and privilege without responsibility or accountability is the source of Africa’s problem. We can transform Africa based on minimal contribution for maximum returns, power without accountability, and responsibility. The African crises are male and we must fix Malevolent Masculinity. Start with responsibility and accountability!
STOP MAKING SILLY EXCUSES!
When you come to national or political leadership, how many times have you heard these moronic statements:
1. The President is surrounded by deadwood! Who fetched the deadwood and from where?
2. Politics is a dirty game, he is doing what it takes to survive
3. Power is like a tige, once you ride it never alight or else you become food
4. Let’s give him a chance, he needs time to clean up the old system that he was part of ? And how did he remain clean in a dirty system and even get promoted?
5. The leader is a good man, but his children and that wife of his ? Excuse me fruit does not fall too far away from the tree. Like children, like father.
We all must stop being silly and stop making excuses for ruling rascals! Any leader that chooses to surround himself with deadwood and corrupt sycophants is their high priest. He is the High Priest of Corruption and deadness of thought ! Remember that our choices are one of the best indicators of who we are and what we value most . There you have it ! If your leader is surrounded by hoodlums, thieves and thugs …that is who and what he is !
Love Complexities Explained – Part 2
Modular narcissism creates images of consumerism as Love. Images of People consuming things, money, and each other. Like all consumerism, it gets tiring and the fall-outs are hectic. But before the fall-outs, folks use each other irredeemably until they become emotional deserts. You hear some say “I can never love again”? What does that even mean? You’re hurt, offended, bitter, disappointed, dejected, rejected, used, and abused? Emotionally exhausted?
I personally believe that you cannot effectively serve or love anyone that you’re not empathetic towards. Faith in anything or anyone is rooted in passion, love, and trust.
Let’s step back a little and reflect on the idea of Love in Christianity and Islam. These are mere highlights based on my limited personal experiences and understanding.
1. CHRISTIANITY :
Christian researchers and Teachers suggest that there are four(4) kinds of love, namely :
(a) Agape Love/divine love: selfless giving love that gives freely with no thought of return ( 1 John 2:10; Corinthians 8:9-13)
(b) Phileo Love / Brotherly Love: tender affection or friendly endearment which requires reciprocation
(c) Storge Love: Natural affection as in a mother’s love
(d) Eros Love: Sexual or sensual love often expressed between lovers
NB. Each of these categories of love is abused daily. The standard is often personalized, weaponized, or commodified.
The religious standards of love are onerous. Here are a few examples :
– Matthew 22:37-40 says that: ‘You shall love the Lord Your God with All your Heart, with All your Soul, and with All your Mind. This is the First & great Commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself
– 1 Corinthians 13 has 18 characteristics of Love, namely: Patience, Kindness, Not jealous, not boastful, not arrogant, well behaved, not selfish, not easily provoked, does not keep a record of wrongs it suffers, does not rejoice in evil, bears all things, endures all things, rejoices with the truth, hopes in all things, never fails, does no harm and covers up the wrongs of others.
2. ISLAM
There are many ideas that define Love in Islam. Here are a few :
a) Love, Companionship and Affection for other People
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought” [Quran 30:21].
The Quran notes the innate human need for companionship – we are, after all, social beings who do need affection and love. The Quran encourages humans to find a companion and spouse, who can in turn help one understand the importance and joy in sharing affection and mercy.
b) Mutuality of Shared Faith and Brotherhood
“The believers are but brothers, so make a settlement between your brothers. And fear Allah that you may receive mercy” [Quran 49:10].
By equating all believers as brothers, or family, the Holy Quran commands all to love one another as part of a wider family of humankind. In the Quaran, Love should not and cannot be limited to romantic love or spousal love, and instead should be utilized to help build a society of merciful and respectful brothers and sisters (mutuality).
c) Love and Doing Good
“And do good; indeed, Allah loves the doers of good” [Quran 2:195].
This is a commandment to any practicing Muslim – that desire to be loved by Allah, to be able to receive the love of the Most Highest, as the ultimate blessing beyond human imagination. The precondition for such a blessing is simply to do good. This may entail living each day trying to make the right decision in life, with the end goal of doing everything we can to try and receive the love of Allah.
4) Unity in diversity, Temporal-ness of the present life, and Goodness
“To each of you, we prescribed w and a method. Had Allah willed, He would have made you one nation [united in religion], but [He intended] to test you in what He has given you; so race to [all that is] good. To Allah is your return all together, and He will [then] inform you concerning that over which you used to differ” [Quran 5:48].
The Holy Quran underscores two things: first, we were made different to be tested in numerous different ways, and second, in the end, we will all be returned to Allah together despite whatever differences we may have had during our lifetimes here on earth. Knowing that we are all returning to Allah together, despite our different tests and nations, is a stark reminder of the power of loving and respecting one another during our time in this world. The end will be the same for us all. When it all ends we are returning to Allah to account for our deeds – which means we must always treat each other with a certain level of empathy and love.
5) True Love is Always Shared or Given Away!
“Never will you attain the good [reward] until you spend [in the way of Allah ] from that which you love. And whatever you spend – indeed, Allah is Knowing of it” [Quran 3:92].
The Quran teaches about the importance of sharing your love – for only by sharing your love can you truly understand how important it really is. The above verse is an important reminder that we must try to give and share whatever we may have, in the duty towards living in a society of brothers and sisters who respect and love one another as family
I deliberately cited the Quran and Bible because most Christians and Muslims don’t read each other’s texts. They rely on social media and populist interpretation of each other’s faith. Both Islam and Christianity teach the importance of love.
WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS?
My own experience has taught me that LOVE is a WAY of doing things, a lifestyle. Ernesto Che Guevara once said ‘every revolutionary is impelled – moved, motivated, inspired, powered- by LOVE. Love for people and love for the country.
LOVE is the FRUIT of your innermost being, character, and personality as well as seeing & doing things in a particular way. LOVE is a journey, it is often long and unpredictable. Most Love is both a School and a Lesson. You have to teach yourself or be taught to love. Love is also an obligation and to some a divine Commandment. Like any journey, love requires planning and doing. Like any fruit, it must be planted, nurtured through cultivation, and fertilized through the investment of time. It is important to study love like a Lesson and to discipline oneself in and through it like you would in school. Love must be obeyed as a Commandment and enjoyed as an adventure!
True friendship and love do not end, they just assume another form. A different form from the previous one!
Love Complexities Explained – Part 1
African
As you mature in life you learn certain important distinctions between friendship, love, abuse and manipulation. In other words, you will have experienced enough abuse and manipulation in the name of friendship and love to know the exact difference. Abusers and users never stop until you stop them or remove yourself completely from their reach. You might be the user or abuser, someone has to read you the riot act. Anyway, my greatest lessons concerning Friendship and Love are the following :
FRIENDSHIP
Friendship is rarely an instant thing. It is often developed over time through shared values, visions, experiences, struggles , pain or loss. Intensity of interaction is not synonymous with friendship. Some of your best friends are people you can go for sometime without talking to them and when you finally reconnect, it is like you were never a day apart .
In this life, you can interact with people, share several interests, even share information and perhaps intimacy. But this does not necessarily make them your friends. They mean well ,but to them you’re an object of curiosity- a fascination. You’re someone that they talk to, interact with, work or play with.
These people like – or enjoy- what you know , what you do , who you associate with or know or even hobbies that you have . When it comes to the crunch, these great people do not know you from a tin of peanut butter and you don’t know them either. If something tragic were to alter your fortunes drastically, these good people would tweet about it , post messages on Facebook, discuss on the Golf Course, in church or at the pub, You would simply be ‘that guy or girl’, just another statistic, a sorry soul they valued when you were as fortunate as themselves
They may feel pity, but not the type of compassion that would make them to go out of their way for you. Even when you go rogue, these great people will watch your madness flourish as long as it does not affect them adversely. They won’t sit you down, tell you off or be tough with you. They found you as a finished product and unless they wish to use you for some personal benefit , they will not attempt to help you grow or advance further in life. They don’t know you like that . In simple terms, these are not your friends, Acquaintances ? Maybe !
LOVE
We live in a world possessed by terminal levels of narcissism. Lovelessness and coldness permeates every aspect of our lives and sometimes it defines the new types of leaders, citizens, teachers, preachers, parents and children. Cruel and impish beings committed to wounding others at the slightest excuse. And folks that cannot distinguish the relationship they have with other humans from the one they have with an ATM , toilet seat , fridge, desk , sofa or road to work .
Our world is a crime scene of endless social, economic, political and sexual accidents as people desperately try to get their love-needs met through mutual consumption arrangements. Some folks should honestly write on their foreheads “searching for a usable person that I might also abuse emotionally, use physically , exploit financially and benefit from materially as we both pretend to share something of value”. Almost every aspect of life is characterised by lack of deep and meaningful relationships. Most of our relationships are splendidly casual or fantastically transactional. We may as well be each other’s emotional, monetary, spiritual and/or career ATM machines. This is as true for families as it is for work , business and broader social interactions. It is no less painful to be used by a sibling, relative, workmate than it is to be used by a lover, spouse or stranger . You still feel robbed, cheated, stupid or downright disrespected.
Our generation has the most lonely rich and poor, male and female, married and single, old and young people alike. Even Churches and mosques have become highly transactional and materialistic. Lonely social spaces where people do spooky spiritual stuff- I mean use each other in the name of God ! Within these churches and mosques – like with the Diet Industry- everyone is trying to find or is offering supplements and substitutes for authentic love and companionship. Tragically, a legitimate need cannot be satisfied through cheap alternatives
Love-hunger cannot be satisfied through or by pursuits in business, politics, sports, social media, churches,mosques etc. Social capital is no substitute for love and companionship. Each of us has the capacity to receive and to reciprocate love ,which is the core requirement for most longlasting relationships. But very few of us appreciate the mutuality of love ,accountability, respect and trust. We demand these and hardly ever reciprocate.
Somebody once said that in this life you will- no matter who you are – experience some abuse, hurt, neglect, fear, shame and rejection. There are no immunity passports for these unpleasant human experiences. Because we work and live with people, envy, jealousy, strife, rumours, murmurings, grumbling and reckless talk are as natural as the air we breathe. You cannot build a monument of bitterness around these unpleasant experiences.
Our world is driven by a cancerous ME-culture. It squanders everything on ME. Something is only useful or worthwhile if it constitutes a high value or high return investment to ME. All associations, alliances and partnerships are about ME. Books are written about how to put ME first. The dysfunction that arises out of the aggressive competition between two ME’s trying to do love is as hilarious as it is tragic.
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