Category Musings

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment

Those Closest to the River

Introduction:

There are many people living on the shores of lakes, rivers, and oceans who cannot swim. They are the sons and daughters of teachers who can barely read or write, and the descendants of clergy who have no faith. There are also those with employment contracts and work desks that do not work at all. When something is easily accessible or abundant, it is often taken for granted. Africa has an abundance of underground water, arable land, beautiful forests, precious wood, amazing rivers, lakes, and oceans, and let’s not forget clean air!

The Sun, Water, and Excessive Complacency

Despite having plenty of sunshine in Africa, our public sectors, lending institutions, and entrepreneurs have not invested much in solar energy and related product developments. We import solar panels from Italy, Sweden, China, and Canada. Why don’t we invest in our own continent?

Apart from baptisms and various spiritual or cultural rituals, subsistence fisherfolk, and locals washing their clothes, we have not made conscious efforts to develop sustainable local economies around our water bodies. We have also failed to accurately map the extent and limits of our transboundary water bodies and underground water supply. Our spirituality and cultural reawakening must also have economic prudence, otherwise we will impoverish ourselves with emotional spiritualism and unproductive culturalism. Spirituality and culture should always promote and nurture sustainable life and growth!

Those who live closest to Africa’s water wealth, such as rivers, oceans, lakes, streams, springs, etc., take water for granted. They do not build wells or drill boreholes, and they do not develop creative economies around rivers. Sadly, when severe droughts occur, these individuals are the most vulnerable and unprepared. It is their excessive complacency, lack of foresight, and lack of creativity that leads to their poverty and vulnerability. They are poor not because of scarcity, but because of complacency. They need to form cooperatives to manage water resources and build economies around them. Yes, historical and ongoing power imbalances contribute to their situation, but they must also take ownership of their lack of national wisdom, long-term thinking, and sustainability consciousness.

Infantile Preoccupations

Unpreparedness, wastefulness, and complacency are only a part of the African development challenge and mindset. The other part can be attributed to “infantile preoccupations.” Leaders in all sectors are often obsessed with immature consumption desires, similar to little children. Rather than investing in solar plants and water security infrastructure, leaders focus on building new multi-million dollar parliament buildings and stadiums. When knowledgeable individuals propose solutions for electricity, energy, health, education, and sanitation crises, petty government officials often demand hefty bribes to facilitate national solutions. Entire governing party officials establish systems to embezzle development funds for personal gain or election campaigns. This is childish stupidity! Infantile consumerism has become prevalent in African business, politics, religion, and civil society. If you, as a wealthy individual, want to help, why not invest in infrastructure, production sites, or places that enable people to create value, add value, or produce useful goods for their daily lives and for export?

IMMENSE TALENT, INSTABILITY AND GRAND DECEPTION OFTEN COHABIT

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Have you ever wondered why authenticity is often under valued, overlooked and overtaken by fakeness and cut-and-paste wokeness? Why being genuine, honest, thorough and truthful seems not to pay-off in social, political, economic, business, work, family, personal and spiritual relationships?
Here are my five (5) explanations:-

HUMANS ARE DRAWN TO FAKENESS, WOKENESS, MAGIC AND CELEBRITY !

It starts with all the fairy tales and magic you tell or let your children read in children’s books or watch in cartoons. By the time their consciousness fully forms, the receptacles for deception, self delusion, fanciful fantasies and magic are long solidified. For some you add romance novels, sci-fi fiction and comic books. Yes these stimulate imagination, and entertain, but they also set a subconscious foundation for adult logic, emotional make-up and life expectations! It all sinks into something or somewhere? Add to this human body, mind and soul all kinds of religious instruction and social myths and then teach them sciences ( i.e. physical and social) on top of the childhood magic, comics, cartoons, video games,and playstation base? It is a “gango”, mixed masala or wonderful mixed dish of okra dried fish, goat meat, cow heel and pepper 🌶.

This is why human beings love the gloss, the shine, instant gratification, mushy stuff, stuff that affirms their stupidity, comforts them in their errant ways, strokes their egos, lies to and lulls them into self-destruction or simply star appeal. Strip all pretense and euphemisms and say it like it is, we are drawn to what we have been socialised into and have embraced or become, not what we think we are or want to be known as ! Bad boys and girls, hideous characters, hypocrites, liars, users, whiners, egolomaniacs and you can go on and on !

We are drawn to magic, celebrity, star power, deception and romanticism. We love complexity, sophistication, finese, panache or that certain ‘something something’! We hopelessly poor at judging our own characters let alone other people’s!

There you have it , you now know why a lover left you, or your employee quit, or your employer dumped you for a fake or why your church members have moved enmasse to a less authentic alternative or why your album, books or movies are not selling as fast as the inauthentic ones.

ULTIMATELY, YOUR TRUE CHARACTER EATS UP PERSONAL SUCCESS, FALSE PR IMAGE AND BRAND

In the last 25 years I have seen fiery, eloquent, smart and popular personalities arise and take moments, movements, monuments, public imagination, media, arts and culture, academia, business sector, religious or faith sector – and even Nations by storm. As you may have guessed, very few have lasted! Ultimately their true character flaws and lack of genuine values fully devoured their success, public image, profile and personal brand!

GREAT TALENT AND INSTABILITY ARE OFTEN LIKE SIAMESE TWINS

As always, there are some averagely talented folks of average intelligence and average looks that carry this “Wanted Boy or Wanted Girl syndrome”. Some even torment society and social media with all sorts of self-promotional posts and images. You know what, if you have to over market or advertise something, maybe it ain’t good enough. I am not talking about these types of blood and sweat hustlers for love and attention. Although it is worth noting that they too deceive through effort and toil !

My focus is on my experience observing for over two decades, folks that are or were insanely talented, good looking, brainy, eloquent, creative, attractive and etcetera. Some were fiercely competitive and insecure bordering on malice. Others were inexorably narcissistic bordering on self-worship. And yet others were compulsive liars and social fraudsters or political conman. Very colorful, shiny, audacious, always pulling everyone else down. Granted amongst these immensely talented folks, there were a few who are – or were – embarrassingly humble. Corporate, Church, Mosques and political culture gave these individuals words of angelic humility that never seemed to filter through to their true characters and personalities. The distance between what they say and what they actually do ( other than for the Cameras and public applause) is like that between earth and the moon. Integrity is zero or minus something. Sadly though, their lieutenants, lovers, fans, followers, family, handlers and friends always cover-up for them. This constant social, political, economic or spiritual diaper changes by the faithful and loyal does not help to change them for the better! In the end, they fall, die or implode still insanely talented and yet unbelievably unstable!

EASILY BELIEVABLE SOCIAL, ECONOMIC AND POLITICAL FRAUDSTERS/CONMAN – Yet Abandoned and Neglected !

You can almost- in part- explain your heartbreaks, disappointments, business losses, spiritual fatigue, social exhaustion political aparthy and family burn-out by reference to one or two social, economic or political conman/fraudsters.

The common trend amongst all these social, economic and political fraudsters/conman is that they were insanely talented and easily believable. You see my friend, instability, deception and talent often cohabit ! But also common amongst these is the fact that they all sadly have a very pitiable end. Their true characters eat their brand and sometimes totally destroy them physically and emotionally. These men and eonen seem to have it all, to be desired and adored by everyone and yet have long lost their souls and the peace in Self. Publicly loved but rejected by self. Publicly contented and yet psychologically and emotionally tormented. Celebrities are unbelievably fragile, insecure and lonely. It is not drugs , alcohol or crime that destroys them – it is neglect of their cry for help by a world that constantly searches for human gods, magic, wokeness and magic !

AFRAID AND FEARFUL SOULS :Mediocrity and insecurity often cherishes exclusive limelight

You can judge any man or woman’s character by how they handle failure, rejection, exclusion, exhaustion and obscurity. Rather, by how they relate to superior talent, skill, experience or knowledge or indifference. Mediocrity and insecurity often cherishes exclusive limelight.

When anything or anyone else appears who shows any form of talent, skill or seems to draw public admiration, the instinctive or default position of mediocrity is four-fold :-

Conscript or align with, so that the glory is shared ‘the he or she is my pip’s ‘ mythology

Compete and outwit the new or old competition ‘the I am the best of the best delusion’

Decampaign, malign, eliminate and smear the competition ‘the I am good and he or she is toxic deception’

Accuse the competition of copying you or stealing your ideas etc ‘the I am the only bank of social, economic and political ideas delusion’

Ultimately, even after reading this long post you still have to choose who to love, to be with, to employ, to befriend, to appoint, to vote for, to read, to follow and I bet you ; you would rather have magic and wokeness any day, no matter how fraudulent and deceptive right?

Conclusion of the whole matter is that you are the real problem my friend, you !

The path to Leadership or Success

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There is no linear, painless, tests less, path to leadership or success.



There is a lot of microwaved truth-sounding, money-making, profile-building and hyper Individualistic stuff about success and leadership out there. Its disciples are growing by the minute as the world searches for short-cuts to Elitism, Status and Leisure!

Let me save you the pain by just assuring you that reality doesn’t and will not consult your motivational speaker or favourite book. Depending on who you’re leading and where they are situated in life, you will soon discover that they most likely do not conform to your neat book typologies and formulas. People are people and spectacularly unique. Deal with who or what you have and don’t be detained in the brilliant books that you have read or their formula

HISTORY OF PAIN : The Limits of Memory and Imagination

But as you all know, History & Her-Story is pregnant with memories of greatness (real or imagined) as well as hurt, grievance and injustice. The opportunity to live your future on the basis of yesterday’s memories is an everyday struggle. Today we create memories for the future. What are they? The tendency to create unidirectional constructs of good and bad, success and failure, oppression, discrimination and dispossession are endless. We barely look our own oppressive, exclusionary and discriminatory tendencies in the eye. Injustice is only real and legitimate to us if done against us or our friends. But even the meaning of “US” is limited and narrow . Hence class, ethnicity, sexism, caste and colorism.

MYTH OF LINEAR PATHS & FORMULA

You will never walk to your future in a straight line. If you fly there will be layovers and alternative routes . If you drive there will be traffic jams, road diversions and roadblocks. If you walk, the road will wind some, become hilly, cross rivers and broken bridges.

Leadership is not all glory and gloss. There is pain, loneliness, uncertainty, resistance, irrationality, betrayal and disappointment by others and by yourself. You cannot escape this even if you prayed 24/7, did Yoga and followed 100% the myths, examples or formula contained in religious, motivational and Leadership Books’ steps to success

SWEETNESS AND EMPATHY will not take away the MESSINESS of REALITY

You must understand from the onset – or wherever you might be situated in your leadership journey that your being as sweet as chocolate or candy does not change the fact that all leadership(and yours too) is refined in a crucible (a place of great pressure, heat, testing and trial). Your being thorough, methodical, empathetic and inclusive will not remove the inescapable messiness of reality and the realness of people and their issues, prejudices, biases, assumptions and personalities.

THE LEADERSHIP JOURNEY IS AS PERSONAL AS ARE SCHOOL EXAMINATIONS AND MEDICAL TESTS/TREATMENT

The same way that no-one else, no matter how much they loved and adored you – could sit for your school and university exams for you or take your injections… nobody can take your Leadership tests, trials, persecution and tribulations for you. You can be very close to the owner of the company or the boss of bosses, but they too have their very personal tests, trials and tribulations of Leadership. Your closeness to power doesn’t insulate you from having to go through your go throughs of the leadership journey. Even if the University Principal were your mother and the doctor your father or lover, that doesn’t exempt you from having to sit for and pass exams or do required medical tests. No relationship, connection, quality or character can exempt you from going through the leadership journey and its pains and joys

Prepare yourselves thoroughly for the pain and joy that comes before glory !

We are now ELDERS

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COVID-19, Cancer, HIV/Aids, Old Age, accidents and the cruel hand of death constantly interrupt the perfect plans of life, love, joy and happiness! Death – as our Ancestors say – is never satisfied. It takes indiscriminately from infant to octogenarian, rich and poor, beautiful and wise along with the evil, ugly and foolish!

We Have Lost Treasure

Over the last 8 years we have lost many icons and loved ones. We didn’t fully write their stories nor celebrate them enough. We like auto mons, kept moving not sure where we were headed to, but we feared the very possibility of stopping to fully reflect on our losses. All fields of Human endeavour are hemorrhaging: Arts and culture, science and tech, engineers, doctors ,nurses, teachers, lawyers, social scientists , entrepreneurs, faith and traditional leaders, beauty queens and politicians – all gone for good!

Where are they going to and why in such a hurry and in such big numbers? Will we ever see them again? Was their work on earth fully accomplished? We didn’t get to write their heroic stories in their own words before they left us. They didn’t bid us farewell? We never thought that they would leave. We hoped that they would live in perpetuity. Reality only dawned on us each time we had to pen the acronyms of resignation #MHSRIP #RIP. Maybe they are resting, but are we? If they have gone to a happier place, have they left us in a mess with neither social, cultural, economic, political nor spiritual compass (GPS) ? Still, we didn’t have the hand-over dialogues and they too didn’t write? They left us to figure stuff out!

Our Heroes and Icons

This morning when I heard that another Icon had passed on or passed away, my sister said to me “another library has been destroyed” before we downloaded its contents in full. Well, our icons didn’t die empty and we did not remain full either.

When our heroes and heroines – our icons are interpreted by others who don’t understand fully the local context, nuances, humour, expressions, customs, traditions and rituals a lot is lost, distorted or simply unrecognisable in their stories.

You see eghhhh, every one that tells a story does so from their class and cultural vantage point. So our heroes are interpreted to us by others and it is the only version that we have of who they are and by implication, who we are?

We Didn’t Learn, Show us the Way!

We didn’t learn our totems in full. We cannot remember our genealogies either?We didn’t learn our own languages nor do we remember our Proverbs/ wise sayings ?We have no clue about our healing herbs nor the poisonous ones ? We live in concrete jungles full of fumes and far away from the bones and landmarks of our forebears. We are alienated from our very beings, our identity, our culture and we lack native Intelligence. Alas ! We’re now the Elders!

Our Own Elders are gone. Gone are the logistic Ian’s, the Masters of Ceremonies at all family events. Those that solved insoluble family disputes, the unifiers, the peace-builders, the glue that held us intact, the holders of ancient knowledge and wisdom are gone. They are gone, emptied from all our Nations, our neighborhoods, places of worship, the planting fields, the forests, lakes, oceans and other work spaces. In our families, clans and villages the Elders have fallen by the dozens. The iconic professors, Story Tellers, wise sages, medicine men and women, grand Dads and Grand Mothers, aunties and uncles, fathers and mothers too! We, the children, are now the Elders! Who will show us the ways of our people? What do we know in order to show the next generation? We read the books but we never learnt the art of what it means to be ourselves!

We Mastered the Ways of Others , Not Our Own ?

We were busy living on social medium and the urban vibe, the white man’s way, the modern way. We all hardly learned how to do our ways. The Elders always did it on our behalf. No, we didn’t learn anything about how our people process culturally and in terms our customs important events such as birth, traditional weddings, death or anything about our traditional food systems. We saw and heard but understood not. We are now the Elders. What will we teach the next generation? We know nothing and yet we are highly educated and well-spoken ?

Foreign Love and Romance

We express love, pain, joy and surprise not just in a foreign language but using foreign symbols, gestures & expressions ? We believed the lie that our people had no history, culture, science, philosophy nor sense of love and romance ?

Nuggets to start 2022

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment

The seeds for the destruction of any conspiracy based on prejudice, greed, dishonesty or malice reside in the conspiracy itself.

When the coconspirators fallout, you will all get to hear about the hidden machinations. You see, unsolicited hatred, sabotage or malice doesn’t have loyalty in its DNA /nature. Allegiance shifts with perceived personal benefit, privilege and positionality. Isn’t it amazing how much effort , time and pettiness people invest in slanderous behaviour driven by rumours and anecdotes or plain lies ?

Don’t be part of useless plots and machinations. Don’t make it your vocation to fight any person (no matter how unlikeable, hypocritical, slimy or treacherous). Such people have their fans, admirers and friends.

Remember that life doesn’t reward people based only on your wishes, judgment, assessments and instructions. Some people that you can’t stand, who are mediocre, fake and whom you think don’t deserve certain things will succeed and flourish much against your estimation of them or sense of fairness , justice and worthiness.

Some will even do better than your authentic and excellent self O ! Life isn’t a whip in your hand. It is a force or wind around you. You experience it differently from the next person and you don’t control it!

Don’t always use absence and presence to judge intention, motives, loyalty and commitment. Judas was there all the time until the very end. Sometimes presence is subterfuge, pretense, surveillance and deception. Not all absence is boycott, lack of care and commitment. Some absence is abusive and indicates lost connection. But some presence is toxic, divisive and abusive. Appreciate the power of both absence and presence.

Whatever you do, learn when you’re not priority in your friends, workmates, schoolmates’ lives. Distinguish between: being the convenient or ever-present fall-back position( i.e. for free help, money, tasks, companionship, etc) the afterthought, the nuisance factor, the pitied other, the suspect or tolerated one and being the needed, wanted and/or appreciated person /friend/colleague/Comrade!

In 2022 do not play any of these roles, move on quickly! Be where you’re needed, appreciated, wanted and fulfilled. Beware of your co-dependency with things, spaces, processes and persons that diminish you, your value, self-esteem, happiness or dignity!

THE WOUNDS OF FRIENDS: Love, Loyalty & Public Display of Differences (PDD)

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Three (3) rules are golden in any relationship based on trust, mutuality and/or intimacy. These are :-

  • Never embarass,belittle or contradict each other in public
  • If you want to chastise or criticise your person, partner or comrade use the side-bar option or use your privileged access to convey your undiluted displeasure or difference of opinion; and
  • Avoid auto-correcting, upstaging or contradicting your ‘Boss’ in meetings or public, especially if you have the luxury of time to advise them appropriately to correct their mistake, misconception or misstatement. Retain their dignity without compromising your principles

PUBLIC or PRIVATE DEBATE

In my view, differences regarding strategy, tactics or nuance can be litigated privately. Unless there is no other opportunity to do so before a binding decision is made. BUT any ideological flippancy or abdication of principle has to be addressed publicly because of the fundamental harm it causes in long-term. This includes Lifestyle contradictions, hypocrisy and lies.

IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU

Sometimes confidence or assertiveness is merely loud insecurities or narcissism. There is a fine line between the desire to be seen as objective or neutral and projection of your own narcissistic, self-righteous or disdainful view of another, especially your comrade, leader, lover, sibling or partner. As stated above, there are several exceptions to this general principle of managing public display of Differences (PDD), including the fact that some people will accept that they are or were wrong in private only to repeat the same offensive conduct again in public. Such has to be publicly called to order. If you always make everything about you, your feelings and your opinions, then you miss the great opportunity to learn from the mistakes of others as well as your own.

RELATING TO LIARS, LAZY FOLKS and HYPOCRITES

In every area of life and endeavour, there are folks you relate with that can potentially become an embarrassment to you and the team, family or collective. This is because despite all the advice, they seem to be addicted to certain self-destructive tendencies or they are such serial liars, lovers of things, hypocrites or serial Flip-floppers. Between their unbridled ambition and dishonesty, there is nothing else but make up , heels, suits, empty words or clichés. They have no shame at all. You know, there is nothing as painful as liars with bad memory ! They forget so fast and create reality out of nothing or just pure fantasy.

DON’T BE DUMB! Manage Sensitive Information

Please don’t be DUMB! Don’t go to your friend, neighbours, siblings , workmates or comrade and tell them sensitive or personal information and charge them to keep it a SECRET. Agghhh, BUT even you couldn’t keep it to yourself. They Can’t & Won’t keep your SECRET. Don’t be angry that they do the expected! You exposed yourself and that secret will be weaponized against you publicly!

I long figured out why break-ups, separations, divorces, business partnerships or Company dissolution are messy, vicious & emotionally draining. It is because of all the dirty , deep or sensitive information each side holds and fears will be shared generously to all and sundry. You better not have weaknesses (physical, mental, emotional, financial, professional and etcetera), these will become open source data!

If you don’t want anything or something (good or bad) you say about someone else or yourself to reach him or her, then don’t say it at all. Think it and keep it! Information (juicy or trending) in the hands of a friend, a sibling, neighbour, comrade or an enemy is like a new toy, shoes or dress to a child. It will be repeatedly flaunted Oh!

CULTURE, CHANGE & TOXICITY

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  • All CHANGE is CULTURE

In any society, organisation or family, if you don’t understand the cultures and customs, you will struggle to understand the basis of the relationships. Equally so, if you do not consciously change existing toxic cultures you tend to reproduce the same toxic relationships even if the leadership or staff change. Environment conditions the atmosphere and ambiance in any organisation.

Continue reading “CULTURE, CHANGE & TOXICITY” →

Saying Thank You Vs Gratitude

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When you were a child your parents taught you never to receive any gift or thing without those two magical words “Thank You”. It could be one word in your indigenous language. So, we all learned to say it almost mechanically. But despite our parents’ best efforts, some amongst us can take, grab or receive without saying “Thank You”.


Think about work mates that steal your ideas, plans and projects without a shade of shame at all. Or bosses and employers that exploit you, pay you peanuts or nothing at all. Think of clients who acknowledge receipt of your great work, refuse, forget or delay paying you ? Who or what do they believe pays your bills or feeds your family ? Some even demand more ?

Imagine the child that lives under your roof, eats food that you buy, dresses in clothes that you sweat hard to buy, uses a mobile phone and data bought with your money or drives your car and still fails to say “Thank You”? Children can forget that you’re human and only remember you when they want something or need to go somewhere. What Entitlement, What arrogance, What stupidity!

Parents too can feel so entitled to a child’s labour, provisioning, gifts, phone calls and effort that they forget what they taught saying: “Thank You”.

Parents can break the spirit of their children in several ways, including:-


(a) Comparing Siblings as though it is a beauty contest or comparing their children to neighbours or friends’ children as though to say : “you don’t measure up”. Why are you not like so, so and so’s daughter or son?
(b) Demanding endless performance and wanting to live their own failed lives, marriages, careers and parenthood through their kids
(c) Not learning to let go , being control freaks, being over protective and projecting their bitterness and failures and disappointment or even surreal expectations onto their children
(d) Loving your spoilt brats to the point of failing to help them snap out of perennial childishness and splendid displays of irresponsibility. Just because your childhood was hard, deprived or full of suffering does not mean that you should spare your children the privilege of encountering the realities of life. One day you will die and your precious spoilt brat will have to face life totally unprepared. You are cruel , you are careless and reckless to not prepare your child in advance.

GRATITUDE is an attitude of the heart and a condition of the mind or human spirit that appreciates and acknowledges others . It sees small and big things done by others and treasures them. Gratitude is by nature empathetic, it puts itself in the shoes of the doer and values the thoughts behind each deed no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Gratitude values people and not just performance. It is the constant willingness to search for light, life, peace and joy as well as to give these. People are not like trees or grass along your path that you trample upon or pass without noticing. Notice people great and small. Remember people, acknowledge people and appreciate people.

Saying “Thank You” means nothing if it doesn’t come from a grateful heart. It is a mere ritual if it is accompanied by a “But” or some form of grumbling or complaint. ‘Thank You’ is a great phrase, improve on it by learning Gratitude.

Above all, do not be that idiot or fool that only counts and accounts for what you do for other people and you totally fail to appreciate the great and small things other people do for you! Yes you give and have given a lot! BUT , if truth be told , you have received a lot more than you have been willing or wise enough to acknowledge. Be grateful, be thankful for the gift of Life, family, friendship, health, wellbeing and welfare. Serve people and value them!