Category Life

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Those Closest to the River

Introduction:

There are many people living on the shores of lakes, rivers, and oceans who cannot swim. They are the sons and daughters of teachers who can barely read or write, and the descendants of clergy who have no faith. There are also those with employment contracts and work desks that do not work at all. When something is easily accessible or abundant, it is often taken for granted. Africa has an abundance of underground water, arable land, beautiful forests, precious wood, amazing rivers, lakes, and oceans, and let’s not forget clean air!

The Sun, Water, and Excessive Complacency

Despite having plenty of sunshine in Africa, our public sectors, lending institutions, and entrepreneurs have not invested much in solar energy and related product developments. We import solar panels from Italy, Sweden, China, and Canada. Why don’t we invest in our own continent?

Apart from baptisms and various spiritual or cultural rituals, subsistence fisherfolk, and locals washing their clothes, we have not made conscious efforts to develop sustainable local economies around our water bodies. We have also failed to accurately map the extent and limits of our transboundary water bodies and underground water supply. Our spirituality and cultural reawakening must also have economic prudence, otherwise we will impoverish ourselves with emotional spiritualism and unproductive culturalism. Spirituality and culture should always promote and nurture sustainable life and growth!

Those who live closest to Africa’s water wealth, such as rivers, oceans, lakes, streams, springs, etc., take water for granted. They do not build wells or drill boreholes, and they do not develop creative economies around rivers. Sadly, when severe droughts occur, these individuals are the most vulnerable and unprepared. It is their excessive complacency, lack of foresight, and lack of creativity that leads to their poverty and vulnerability. They are poor not because of scarcity, but because of complacency. They need to form cooperatives to manage water resources and build economies around them. Yes, historical and ongoing power imbalances contribute to their situation, but they must also take ownership of their lack of national wisdom, long-term thinking, and sustainability consciousness.

Infantile Preoccupations

Unpreparedness, wastefulness, and complacency are only a part of the African development challenge and mindset. The other part can be attributed to “infantile preoccupations.” Leaders in all sectors are often obsessed with immature consumption desires, similar to little children. Rather than investing in solar plants and water security infrastructure, leaders focus on building new multi-million dollar parliament buildings and stadiums. When knowledgeable individuals propose solutions for electricity, energy, health, education, and sanitation crises, petty government officials often demand hefty bribes to facilitate national solutions. Entire governing party officials establish systems to embezzle development funds for personal gain or election campaigns. This is childish stupidity! Infantile consumerism has become prevalent in African business, politics, religion, and civil society. If you, as a wealthy individual, want to help, why not invest in infrastructure, production sites, or places that enable people to create value, add value, or produce useful goods for their daily lives and for export?

IMMENSE TALENT, INSTABILITY AND GRAND DECEPTION OFTEN COHABIT

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Have you ever wondered why authenticity is often under valued, overlooked and overtaken by fakeness and cut-and-paste wokeness? Why being genuine, honest, thorough and truthful seems not to pay-off in social, political, economic, business, work, family, personal and spiritual relationships?
Here are my five (5) explanations:-

HUMANS ARE DRAWN TO FAKENESS, WOKENESS, MAGIC AND CELEBRITY !

It starts with all the fairy tales and magic you tell or let your children read in children’s books or watch in cartoons. By the time their consciousness fully forms, the receptacles for deception, self delusion, fanciful fantasies and magic are long solidified. For some you add romance novels, sci-fi fiction and comic books. Yes these stimulate imagination, and entertain, but they also set a subconscious foundation for adult logic, emotional make-up and life expectations! It all sinks into something or somewhere? Add to this human body, mind and soul all kinds of religious instruction and social myths and then teach them sciences ( i.e. physical and social) on top of the childhood magic, comics, cartoons, video games,and playstation base? It is a “gango”, mixed masala or wonderful mixed dish of okra dried fish, goat meat, cow heel and pepper 🌶.

This is why human beings love the gloss, the shine, instant gratification, mushy stuff, stuff that affirms their stupidity, comforts them in their errant ways, strokes their egos, lies to and lulls them into self-destruction or simply star appeal. Strip all pretense and euphemisms and say it like it is, we are drawn to what we have been socialised into and have embraced or become, not what we think we are or want to be known as ! Bad boys and girls, hideous characters, hypocrites, liars, users, whiners, egolomaniacs and you can go on and on !

We are drawn to magic, celebrity, star power, deception and romanticism. We love complexity, sophistication, finese, panache or that certain ‘something something’! We hopelessly poor at judging our own characters let alone other people’s!

There you have it , you now know why a lover left you, or your employee quit, or your employer dumped you for a fake or why your church members have moved enmasse to a less authentic alternative or why your album, books or movies are not selling as fast as the inauthentic ones.

ULTIMATELY, YOUR TRUE CHARACTER EATS UP PERSONAL SUCCESS, FALSE PR IMAGE AND BRAND

In the last 25 years I have seen fiery, eloquent, smart and popular personalities arise and take moments, movements, monuments, public imagination, media, arts and culture, academia, business sector, religious or faith sector – and even Nations by storm. As you may have guessed, very few have lasted! Ultimately their true character flaws and lack of genuine values fully devoured their success, public image, profile and personal brand!

GREAT TALENT AND INSTABILITY ARE OFTEN LIKE SIAMESE TWINS

As always, there are some averagely talented folks of average intelligence and average looks that carry this “Wanted Boy or Wanted Girl syndrome”. Some even torment society and social media with all sorts of self-promotional posts and images. You know what, if you have to over market or advertise something, maybe it ain’t good enough. I am not talking about these types of blood and sweat hustlers for love and attention. Although it is worth noting that they too deceive through effort and toil !

My focus is on my experience observing for over two decades, folks that are or were insanely talented, good looking, brainy, eloquent, creative, attractive and etcetera. Some were fiercely competitive and insecure bordering on malice. Others were inexorably narcissistic bordering on self-worship. And yet others were compulsive liars and social fraudsters or political conman. Very colorful, shiny, audacious, always pulling everyone else down. Granted amongst these immensely talented folks, there were a few who are – or were – embarrassingly humble. Corporate, Church, Mosques and political culture gave these individuals words of angelic humility that never seemed to filter through to their true characters and personalities. The distance between what they say and what they actually do ( other than for the Cameras and public applause) is like that between earth and the moon. Integrity is zero or minus something. Sadly though, their lieutenants, lovers, fans, followers, family, handlers and friends always cover-up for them. This constant social, political, economic or spiritual diaper changes by the faithful and loyal does not help to change them for the better! In the end, they fall, die or implode still insanely talented and yet unbelievably unstable!

EASILY BELIEVABLE SOCIAL, ECONOMIC AND POLITICAL FRAUDSTERS/CONMAN – Yet Abandoned and Neglected !

You can almost- in part- explain your heartbreaks, disappointments, business losses, spiritual fatigue, social exhaustion political aparthy and family burn-out by reference to one or two social, economic or political conman/fraudsters.

The common trend amongst all these social, economic and political fraudsters/conman is that they were insanely talented and easily believable. You see my friend, instability, deception and talent often cohabit ! But also common amongst these is the fact that they all sadly have a very pitiable end. Their true characters eat their brand and sometimes totally destroy them physically and emotionally. These men and eonen seem to have it all, to be desired and adored by everyone and yet have long lost their souls and the peace in Self. Publicly loved but rejected by self. Publicly contented and yet psychologically and emotionally tormented. Celebrities are unbelievably fragile, insecure and lonely. It is not drugs , alcohol or crime that destroys them – it is neglect of their cry for help by a world that constantly searches for human gods, magic, wokeness and magic !

AFRAID AND FEARFUL SOULS :Mediocrity and insecurity often cherishes exclusive limelight

You can judge any man or woman’s character by how they handle failure, rejection, exclusion, exhaustion and obscurity. Rather, by how they relate to superior talent, skill, experience or knowledge or indifference. Mediocrity and insecurity often cherishes exclusive limelight.

When anything or anyone else appears who shows any form of talent, skill or seems to draw public admiration, the instinctive or default position of mediocrity is four-fold :-

Conscript or align with, so that the glory is shared ‘the he or she is my pip’s ‘ mythology

Compete and outwit the new or old competition ‘the I am the best of the best delusion’

Decampaign, malign, eliminate and smear the competition ‘the I am good and he or she is toxic deception’

Accuse the competition of copying you or stealing your ideas etc ‘the I am the only bank of social, economic and political ideas delusion’

Ultimately, even after reading this long post you still have to choose who to love, to be with, to employ, to befriend, to appoint, to vote for, to read, to follow and I bet you ; you would rather have magic and wokeness any day, no matter how fraudulent and deceptive right?

Conclusion of the whole matter is that you are the real problem my friend, you !

We are now ELDERS

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COVID-19, Cancer, HIV/Aids, Old Age, accidents and the cruel hand of death constantly interrupt the perfect plans of life, love, joy and happiness! Death – as our Ancestors say – is never satisfied. It takes indiscriminately from infant to octogenarian, rich and poor, beautiful and wise along with the evil, ugly and foolish!

We Have Lost Treasure

Over the last 8 years we have lost many icons and loved ones. We didn’t fully write their stories nor celebrate them enough. We like auto mons, kept moving not sure where we were headed to, but we feared the very possibility of stopping to fully reflect on our losses. All fields of Human endeavour are hemorrhaging: Arts and culture, science and tech, engineers, doctors ,nurses, teachers, lawyers, social scientists , entrepreneurs, faith and traditional leaders, beauty queens and politicians – all gone for good!

Where are they going to and why in such a hurry and in such big numbers? Will we ever see them again? Was their work on earth fully accomplished? We didn’t get to write their heroic stories in their own words before they left us. They didn’t bid us farewell? We never thought that they would leave. We hoped that they would live in perpetuity. Reality only dawned on us each time we had to pen the acronyms of resignation #MHSRIP #RIP. Maybe they are resting, but are we? If they have gone to a happier place, have they left us in a mess with neither social, cultural, economic, political nor spiritual compass (GPS) ? Still, we didn’t have the hand-over dialogues and they too didn’t write? They left us to figure stuff out!

Our Heroes and Icons

This morning when I heard that another Icon had passed on or passed away, my sister said to me “another library has been destroyed” before we downloaded its contents in full. Well, our icons didn’t die empty and we did not remain full either.

When our heroes and heroines – our icons are interpreted by others who don’t understand fully the local context, nuances, humour, expressions, customs, traditions and rituals a lot is lost, distorted or simply unrecognisable in their stories.

You see eghhhh, every one that tells a story does so from their class and cultural vantage point. So our heroes are interpreted to us by others and it is the only version that we have of who they are and by implication, who we are?

We Didn’t Learn, Show us the Way!

We didn’t learn our totems in full. We cannot remember our genealogies either?We didn’t learn our own languages nor do we remember our Proverbs/ wise sayings ?We have no clue about our healing herbs nor the poisonous ones ? We live in concrete jungles full of fumes and far away from the bones and landmarks of our forebears. We are alienated from our very beings, our identity, our culture and we lack native Intelligence. Alas ! We’re now the Elders!

Our Own Elders are gone. Gone are the logistic Ian’s, the Masters of Ceremonies at all family events. Those that solved insoluble family disputes, the unifiers, the peace-builders, the glue that held us intact, the holders of ancient knowledge and wisdom are gone. They are gone, emptied from all our Nations, our neighborhoods, places of worship, the planting fields, the forests, lakes, oceans and other work spaces. In our families, clans and villages the Elders have fallen by the dozens. The iconic professors, Story Tellers, wise sages, medicine men and women, grand Dads and Grand Mothers, aunties and uncles, fathers and mothers too! We, the children, are now the Elders! Who will show us the ways of our people? What do we know in order to show the next generation? We read the books but we never learnt the art of what it means to be ourselves!

We Mastered the Ways of Others , Not Our Own ?

We were busy living on social medium and the urban vibe, the white man’s way, the modern way. We all hardly learned how to do our ways. The Elders always did it on our behalf. No, we didn’t learn anything about how our people process culturally and in terms our customs important events such as birth, traditional weddings, death or anything about our traditional food systems. We saw and heard but understood not. We are now the Elders. What will we teach the next generation? We know nothing and yet we are highly educated and well-spoken ?

Foreign Love and Romance

We express love, pain, joy and surprise not just in a foreign language but using foreign symbols, gestures & expressions ? We believed the lie that our people had no history, culture, science, philosophy nor sense of love and romance ?

Nuggets to start 2022

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The seeds for the destruction of any conspiracy based on prejudice, greed, dishonesty or malice reside in the conspiracy itself.

When the coconspirators fallout, you will all get to hear about the hidden machinations. You see, unsolicited hatred, sabotage or malice doesn’t have loyalty in its DNA /nature. Allegiance shifts with perceived personal benefit, privilege and positionality. Isn’t it amazing how much effort , time and pettiness people invest in slanderous behaviour driven by rumours and anecdotes or plain lies ?

Don’t be part of useless plots and machinations. Don’t make it your vocation to fight any person (no matter how unlikeable, hypocritical, slimy or treacherous). Such people have their fans, admirers and friends.

Remember that life doesn’t reward people based only on your wishes, judgment, assessments and instructions. Some people that you can’t stand, who are mediocre, fake and whom you think don’t deserve certain things will succeed and flourish much against your estimation of them or sense of fairness , justice and worthiness.

Some will even do better than your authentic and excellent self O ! Life isn’t a whip in your hand. It is a force or wind around you. You experience it differently from the next person and you don’t control it!

Don’t always use absence and presence to judge intention, motives, loyalty and commitment. Judas was there all the time until the very end. Sometimes presence is subterfuge, pretense, surveillance and deception. Not all absence is boycott, lack of care and commitment. Some absence is abusive and indicates lost connection. But some presence is toxic, divisive and abusive. Appreciate the power of both absence and presence.

Whatever you do, learn when you’re not priority in your friends, workmates, schoolmates’ lives. Distinguish between: being the convenient or ever-present fall-back position( i.e. for free help, money, tasks, companionship, etc) the afterthought, the nuisance factor, the pitied other, the suspect or tolerated one and being the needed, wanted and/or appreciated person /friend/colleague/Comrade!

In 2022 do not play any of these roles, move on quickly! Be where you’re needed, appreciated, wanted and fulfilled. Beware of your co-dependency with things, spaces, processes and persons that diminish you, your value, self-esteem, happiness or dignity!

How to test your leadership insecurities

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When you are a leader, you can test your levels of insecurity, Intolerance and dictatorial tendencies using the following:-


How you handle criticism (justified or unjustified) from and by younger people, juniors/subordinates/peers? Do you react to the person or the issue?


When your position, advice or arguments fail to carry the day (win or prevail) do you support the collective/team position? Do you sulk, throw your toys or walk out?


How do you fare when the role to lead on something that you are good at or feel that you are best placed to lead on is assigned to someone else ?


What is your capacity and ability to listen to divergent views and to process uncomplementary data/information?


How do you treat peers and subordinates who don’t think highly of you or those that always question your character, motives and competencies?

If your own answers to the above questions point to discomfort, grave sensitivity, ego or intolerance, you have a problem deal with it ruthlessly and efficiently!

THE WOUNDS OF FRIENDS: Love, Loyalty & Public Display of Differences (PDD)

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Three (3) rules are golden in any relationship based on trust, mutuality and/or intimacy. These are :-

  • Never embarass,belittle or contradict each other in public
  • If you want to chastise or criticise your person, partner or comrade use the side-bar option or use your privileged access to convey your undiluted displeasure or difference of opinion; and
  • Avoid auto-correcting, upstaging or contradicting your ‘Boss’ in meetings or public, especially if you have the luxury of time to advise them appropriately to correct their mistake, misconception or misstatement. Retain their dignity without compromising your principles

PUBLIC or PRIVATE DEBATE

In my view, differences regarding strategy, tactics or nuance can be litigated privately. Unless there is no other opportunity to do so before a binding decision is made. BUT any ideological flippancy or abdication of principle has to be addressed publicly because of the fundamental harm it causes in long-term. This includes Lifestyle contradictions, hypocrisy and lies.

IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU

Sometimes confidence or assertiveness is merely loud insecurities or narcissism. There is a fine line between the desire to be seen as objective or neutral and projection of your own narcissistic, self-righteous or disdainful view of another, especially your comrade, leader, lover, sibling or partner. As stated above, there are several exceptions to this general principle of managing public display of Differences (PDD), including the fact that some people will accept that they are or were wrong in private only to repeat the same offensive conduct again in public. Such has to be publicly called to order. If you always make everything about you, your feelings and your opinions, then you miss the great opportunity to learn from the mistakes of others as well as your own.

RELATING TO LIARS, LAZY FOLKS and HYPOCRITES

In every area of life and endeavour, there are folks you relate with that can potentially become an embarrassment to you and the team, family or collective. This is because despite all the advice, they seem to be addicted to certain self-destructive tendencies or they are such serial liars, lovers of things, hypocrites or serial Flip-floppers. Between their unbridled ambition and dishonesty, there is nothing else but make up , heels, suits, empty words or clichés. They have no shame at all. You know, there is nothing as painful as liars with bad memory ! They forget so fast and create reality out of nothing or just pure fantasy.

DON’T BE DUMB! Manage Sensitive Information

Please don’t be DUMB! Don’t go to your friend, neighbours, siblings , workmates or comrade and tell them sensitive or personal information and charge them to keep it a SECRET. Agghhh, BUT even you couldn’t keep it to yourself. They Can’t & Won’t keep your SECRET. Don’t be angry that they do the expected! You exposed yourself and that secret will be weaponized against you publicly!

I long figured out why break-ups, separations, divorces, business partnerships or Company dissolution are messy, vicious & emotionally draining. It is because of all the dirty , deep or sensitive information each side holds and fears will be shared generously to all and sundry. You better not have weaknesses (physical, mental, emotional, financial, professional and etcetera), these will become open source data!

If you don’t want anything or something (good or bad) you say about someone else or yourself to reach him or her, then don’t say it at all. Think it and keep it! Information (juicy or trending) in the hands of a friend, a sibling, neighbour, comrade or an enemy is like a new toy, shoes or dress to a child. It will be repeatedly flaunted Oh!

CULTURE, CHANGE & TOXICITY

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  • All CHANGE is CULTURE

In any society, organisation or family, if you don’t understand the cultures and customs, you will struggle to understand the basis of the relationships. Equally so, if you do not consciously change existing toxic cultures you tend to reproduce the same toxic relationships even if the leadership or staff change. Environment conditions the atmosphere and ambiance in any organisation.

Continue reading “CULTURE, CHANGE & TOXICITY” →

It is Simple: Home-Grown & Authentic lasts longer than Cheap Imports

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Beware of glorified fakeness or lack of authenticity in your life. Be very careful not to mistake labels for quality or public relations for Bible truth. Even more importantly, don’t substitute personal growth with quick fame, microwaved credentials, titles and top line knowledge. Don’t embrace the fantasy of false equivalence or mistake proximity to power for equivalence!

SUCCESS IS A CONDITION not a position or possession!
Do not mistake success as the source of happiness until you’re so desperate to succeed by fair or foul means. You will be a very bitter – and not better – successful version of yourself. First value yourself, value truth, value authenticity and value what you are. Life did not put you in Africa so that you aspire for intellectual, cultural, economic and spiritual slavery to Europe and America. Desire wholeness and healing from a sense of inadequacy, inferiority and self-destructive doubt!

EXCUSE YOURSELF and EXCUSE US!
The fact that you have or hold the same qualifications or title as somebody else does not make you equivalent at all. Let me repeat, being on the same panel as global corporate, government, faith or civil society leaders or rock star Professors does not make you equivalent to them. Zoom appearance and Selfie doesn’t amount to equivalency. Excuse us, we know what you are capable of as well as what you are not. Excuse yourself, you know that short cuts don’t always amount to completion of great journeys, right ?

CRUCIBLES OF LIFE

Please stop making up theories about how life, leadership and success works after only a few tears and years. Don’t profess expertise before your qualifications, skills and experience have been through the crucibles of life, work, adversity and failure and come out on the other end still totally aligned, intact and credible. You think you know something because you have had one great post, a lucky break or brilliant student’s promo? Life is full of greater geniuses and dreamers who failed. Be constant and consistent for the next decade or two.

Repeat this skill, expertise and experience in different organisations, positions, contexts and countries with the same or greater measure of success. Then come back here and talk shop about great success, leadership or life principles! For now, sit down and learn from both your books and real life. Otherwise your book theories and life in a decade from now will be so far apart like Earth & Mars or Like an Anti-corruption activist who becomes a politician and cabinet minister or an Opposition Leader that joins the ruling party as an official without portfolio or purpose!

CLONES & CLOWNS
Don’t use clichés, quotes and platitudes from books that you have read, videos or movies watched as the only basis of your understanding of Life, leadership, success and happiness. Remember that as good as all those leadership stories and case studies that you are relying on are; the people involved were not dealing with the same people or cultural, social, spiritual, political and economic context as yours. When you apply the lessons they offer, make relevant contextual adjustments, differentiation, domestication and distinction. Even the world’s major religions adjusted when they got to Africa.

Don’t be a ridiculous educated or smart clone! You read a book from America or Europe about how to campaign, raise money for social causes, empower people, dress, talk, behave or negotiate for success and you want to apply it to our mothers, fathers, youth, politicians, traditional leadership, religious or cultural context without any adjustments at all? Who bewitched you? Why do you think that you can use an American or European leadership fantasy, experience, experiment or expertise to produce authentically African organisations, experiences and outcomes?

Listen, your parents and grandparents were forced to learn Shakespeare, Chaucer and Dickens, where are they now ? Even they had the commonsense to reject becoming good English-speaking or French-speaking paupers tormented by a sense of false civility! Stop it! Emancipate yourself from this mental, cultural, spiritual, and social slavery!

Colonialism and coloniality will always produce spectacular shortcomings. If you don’t adjust your constant reference to American Corporate, political, civic or spiritual experience as the platinum standard of life , You will reproduce the same absurdities of super rich or powerful minorities driven by super profits with very little humanity : the same racist, white supremacy, poverty and inequality.

Black folks that think that they cannot succeed without worshipping whiteness, Europeanness or Americanness. Folks that see success based on their similarity to, acceptance by and/or acceptability to European or American supremacists .or even just accents – are just Clowns.
Accent is not substance! Colonial embrace is neither legitimacy, authenticity nor success. It is mere utility. You are a usable native! Have the accents if you wish, but please also get some commonsense and wisdom whilst you are at it!



BE AUTHENTIC!
Stop admiring dysfunction. If you can’t, please don’t turn it into an article of Faith or Bible of leadership and success. Learn to question some things and think critically! Otherwise, you will turn folks or your organisation into an intellectually, contextually and culturally disconnected shoddy version of the American or European ones . Abeg ,even if the people you lead get the Euro-American accents and de-contextualised jokes right , they will never be European or American.

Try being authentic. You’re here in Africa in order to promote, produce and practice an authentic homegrown global expertise and experience

WHAT STAYING IN A JOB TOO LONG SAYS ABOUT YOU

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Staying in a job too long is not a measure of Stability, Independence, Performance or Loyalty. Here is why:



STAGNANT BRILLIANCE

Several things happen if you work for the same organisation , person or system for too long. You stop growing and become conservative, cynical, entitled, highly political or embittered. You become emotionally, psychologically, physically, socially and spiritually mortgaged! You feel tied to & inseparable from it You can become- quite easily- like the following:-



INSECURITIES DISGUISED AS LOYALTY

If you have been too long in the same job or organisation, it most probably because :-


• A gold fish in a small or stagnant big pond that thinks it is biggest & baddest fish on earth. A village celebrity who uses the same tired tricks , sings the same song the same way or dances the same style or beats the same drum with no variation at all or the village comedian who tells the same jokes for decades and even laughs at his own dry jokes before everyone else does!

• A history magazine with all past references and very little or no future or simply a broken chair or squeaky door hinge or noisy bed

•A dud lacking in innovation and creativity in exchange for stability, security & political correctness

•You’re insecure, too comfortable, enjoying it or you’re plain mediocre & boring

•You hate change, the company owners or job is using you or you’re using the job/company to do other things totally unrelated or as launchpad. You could also be simply using it to pay the mortgage, take your children through school or maintain your preferred “soft life”. You are fooling yourself, you are like one of the old paintings, carpets or furniture the company will not replace to save costs.

• You are a control freak and prefer to remain in a place where you can use Longevity to manipulate people, processes and outcomes.



It is not really the other person, approach, idea or process that you are fighting, it is you and your innermost fears and deep insecurities. Why are you afraid that more adventurous, entrepreneurial and innovative folks will make mistakes as part of growing or creating the new? What if they succeed?

I am not advocating for an absolute absence of guidance. Rather I am calling for flexible facilitation! Listen, creatives will mess with your heart and head, they will give you headaches. They things appear too experimental and too look like sure bets from the onset. Bear with them! Risk taking is your reward and not necessarily the outcome!

You also resist any changes to what you have laboured to build for many years because you do not believe that anyone else can improve on it. You subconsciously always return to default settings or even safe settings. Tragically, even new and plenty young people are like this. It is not just age and Longevity, it is mindset, personality and character. Narcissists and control freaks come in all sexes, ages, races, cultures and sizes.

FALSE STANDARD BEARER

Whether in political parties , private sector, NGOs, churches, mosques or government long servers are both institutional memory and also potential detention centres of progress. They arrest development, innovation and transformation. You see, they can help new folks avoid making a litany of mistakes or be so conservative that nothing at all functions except done according to some old formulaic way. It is always a fine balance between being the safe pair of experienced hands and the rigid hands of stagnated bureaucracy and rote control. You the old guard can and often frustrates innovative youth and youth totally disregard the tried and tested wisdom both with the same consequences for the organisation.

Here is the golden lesson: If you stay too long in an organisation, job or position, you will subconsciously:-

Fight against anything new person, ideas or changes. You will resist anything that is fresh, out of the box thinking or different. It is like me and colours. For many years everything that I owned had to be dark, mostly navy blue, black or grey and every once in a while a dark brown. My shoes were all black. I am glad that I changed quickly.

Check yourself and some of the doctrinal nonsense that you impose on other people. Relax, life is not all rock and metal, often it is soul and flexible!

YOU CANNOT FAKE LEADERSHIP, INTELLIGENCE , LOYALTY or RELATIONSHIPS. Here are the reasons Why!

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ENSKILL YOUR CONFIDENCE
Often those people with the most to share or that are always overflowing with ideas also have the most to learn. Great confidence can cover up an ocean of ignorance, naivety, shallowness and incapacity. If you’re wise, create ample room to learn as you teach and to receive as you give!

AVOID MICROWAVE JUDGMENT!
Foolish folks get accolades from reaching quick judgments about situations, people and organisations based on anecdotes and talebearers fantasies or prejudices. In countries where literacy, numeracy and eloquence are worshipped, these attributes are often mistaken for leadership qualities. There are many highly educated embiciles and extremely eloquent morons

Wise folks weigh matters, test spirits, study characters and carefully analyze issues first. They don’t follow every wind of opinion!

MONEY is Essential BUT It isn’t EVERYTHING
If anything, COVID-19 has aptly demonstrated, it is that you can die from it with all the money and fame in the world. For many political heavy weights, celebrities and rich folks, money has answered many things except preserving their lives from COVID-19 scourge. But, you cannot buy life!
This season wonderfully demonstrates to each one of us that our most meaningful contributions in life may actually cost no money at all. Just you being genuine, open, attentive or vulnerable with someone. The ideas of “ROCK MAN”, “IRON LADY”, “SUPERWOMAN or SUPER HERO” that is ever strong, always perfect, ever conquering and never wrong are highways to grand deception, heartbreak and spectacular failure!

You are human, strong maybe but you’re flesh and blood (mortal) with spiritual attributes but you live in a body that gets tired, sickly and sometimes cries out for a break (i.e. physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially etc)

SELFISH folks exploit SELFLESS Ones!
There are human beings (young or old, male or female) that are so selfless (ethical, professional, trustworthy and loyal too) that they will risk everything for people or organisations that they believe in or causes dearest to their hearts. And yet there are also human beings so supremely selfish that thrive by or make a business out of exploiting such selflessness, genuineness and goodness. Stop counting what you have done for people and start objectively appreciating the many things that other people have done for you. The risks and sacrifices that others have made for your success, that same success that you want to reduce solely to your individual efforts! Retell your Story and fill in the missing pages of what other people (great and small, known and unkown) have contributed! You cannot show gratitude for and to the people you refuse to acknowledge!

Whispering scatterers!
In every manner and form of organisation there are folks that thrive by whispering & scattering. Instead of creating solutions or producing results their sole preoccupation is discrediting or scattering great things or efforts made by others. Beware the whispering scatterers! There are there even in your family, church, mosque or sports bar too! There are there in every gender, class, race and ethnicit. Scatterers!

If You Disrespect and Disregard Standards & Values procedures and rules keep mission and vision on track. If they are too rigid, they Stiffle innovation and growth by creating an unimaginative bureaucracy. BUT if you throw them away then you are at the mercy of instinct, avarice, greed and malice. Nothing is so sacred in any organisation that rules, procedures & values have to be constantly waived, manipulated or undermined to achieve the interests, convenience or desires of one person or a clique. Organisational standards, rules , procedures and values apply to all. If you make some individual more equal than others you will suffer from the human-god or part human part animal leadership syndrome unmitigated tyranny or infallible-head disease! It won’t take long for sychophancy, mediocrity and division to become the core features of your organisation!

LEADERSHIP isn’t about GRUDGE settlement.
Some of your best middle managers and leaders are eccentric, awkward or constantly questioning individuals. They don’t always make you feel comfortable or happy, but they bring phenomenal results.
If you allow questions of leadership to be settled through vindictiveness, populism , sychophancy, homeboyism and clientalism without reference to performance, ideological clarity or capacity to think strategically then you are much easier to divide & conquer. Your mediocrity as a leadership is proportional to the quality of and measured by the diversity & creativity of the team around you. The less diversity & creativity, the more mediocre!

CONFIDENCE isn’t about NUMBERS

Feel as confident in and about yourself, your values, ideas, dreams, vision, mission, beliefs & strategy whether there is a cheering crowd following, there are haters shouting & screaming or you are simply walking alone in the jungles or wildernesses of Life.
If you measure your own satisfaction and success through numbers only, then you are deceived. The most transformative decisions that you will ever make will most likely not have a great number of supporters . Your most successful entrepreneurial endeavour might not be an overnight success. Your most powerful song, book, poem, article or sermon might not be in front of crowds! Succeed with or without crowds and relish it!

DON’T Know Everything & Everyone

Do not be an authority on everything and everyone. Do not seek to know everything or everyone or to be known by them. If you can afford to, avoid serial name-dropping or assuming that you know every person you took a selfie with or are in a WhatsApp group with. Your desire to know or associate with great, famous or wealthy people (Oh good-looking ones too) will land you in the company of thieves, murderers, liars , traffickers and abusers. Success by association isn’t Networking 101 – It is faking it and hoping that you will make it! Distinguish between the two. You cannot as an adult go around telling stories about Selfie or WhatsApp group friends and their success as though you have shares in it. Please grow up and try to do so very quickly! You cannot succeed by Selfie or WhatsApp Social Osmosis.

Thank you for reading, enjoy the rest of your day, week or Year.

FATHERHOOD (being FATHER or a FATHER)

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment



FATHERHOOD is the most culturally, socially, politically, and spiritually abused and weaponised concept, status and power in the world, but especially in Africa.

It doesn’t matter where you turn everywhere and everyone wants to impose FATHERHOOD or FATHERSHIP on the world around them. Father – Tata – Papa- Baba often used as a term of endearment, honour and respect is now a weapon of oppression, abuse and primitive extraction of personal benefits and power. I call this process or concept FATHERISATION (Fatherism), ‘Paparization’, Babarization or Tatarization of faith, politics, business and society !

But before we discuss the negative consequences of Babarisation, Paparisation or Tatarisation (Fatherism), what is FATHERHOOD? Here is my take :-

HAPPY Belated Father’s day to all my Comrades & brothers across Africa. Fatherhood is lifelong opportunities to put others’ needs before your own, care for another’s physical, spiritual, financial, intellectual & emotional well-being, and practice true unconditional love.

FATHERHOOD creates a deliberate balance between material, emotional, intellectual, ethical, physical& spiritual nourishment that in-turn creates a space, place, freedom & support for children to grow in their interests, choices, values, ideas, faith & character.

FATHERHOOD is Responsible Stewardship & Service to your children. It means service by helping your kids nurture their nature. Ensuring that your actions are helping & not hindering them. Fatherhood – being in service and influencing children- requires skills & patience. You learn fatherhood through observation, studying and doing. Don’t observe the wrong things or read the wrong templates because you will end up practicing the wrong things. If you already are practicing destructive fatherhood, course correct fast! The consequences will haunt you for life. If you hurt or super spoil your kids now, you will have a lifetime of regret and consequences to deal with!.

FATHERHOOD is about setting an example through your own actions, words & thoughts of responsible, compassionate, respectful & productive malehood to your sons & daughters. First as a role model. Hopefully a reliable & trustworthy friend to them when they’re older. You need to maintain balance. Even God says “those whom I Love , I discipline”. Discipline without love is aimless punishment and love without discipline is concealed hatred !

FATHERHOOD is a free – and often forfeited – lifelong graduate Masterclass to learn skills and develop attributes through lessons that are not offered anywhere else in the world. You learn from your children (biological, adopted or co-opted) even as you nurture, guard, guide and inspire them!


FATHERHOOD is LEGACY Building and Preservation. Each of our families is made up of centuries of LEGACY built into a complex tapestry. FATHERHOOD is also, therefore, about living up to that legacy (good or bad). It may also be about creating a NEW LEGACY and broadening parameters of imagination, experience, vision & achievement. It should be about breaking old bad or negative cycles in families, including inter-generational poverty often passed on from one generation to the next.

FATHERHOOD is the bold practice of LOVE. It requires the older to become a student of the younger whom they are nurturing and mentoring. Fatherhood is the ultimate challenge, risk, fear, meaning& the ultimate pleasure in life of any man. Be patient and focused. Your child is your responsibility no matter how much you loathe, despise or regret ever meeting the co-parent. You cannot hate a part of you and be stupid enough to blame this on the Co-parent .

      The circumstances under which your seed became a human don’t matter nor do they diminish your responsibility and accountability one bit. Fatherhood is not a moral position, it is an irrefutable responsibility for, to, through and over your children

      FATHERHOOD is not the Liberal or indisciplined donation of Sperm (consciously or subconsciously) and then being forced to maintain the consequences of your donation or you running away from the responsibility over your seed. MEN; let us be accountable, responsible before & after & not just selfish.

      FATHERHOOD is a key relationship cog to building healthy societies. Its pervasive dysfunction explains why we struggle to fix government, development, and our value systems. You cannot fail to take care of children you sired and then want to defend the interests of “CITIZENS” as a businessman, artist, activist, academic, faith leader, Traditional leader, politicia etc. Who are the “CITIZENS” if not folks raised well or badly by their parents? Folks abandoned, rejected, abused or truly loved and mentored by their fathers? We are trying to fix in the nation what we are destroying each day in every home through irresponsible FATHERHOOD, Fatherism, Paparisation, Babarisation or Tatarization of society. Malehood without an ounce of responsibility or even accountability.

      Brothers, Comrades, Friends : Charity begins at home. Let us change our ways !

      KNOW WHAT WORK IS and ISN’T!

      Brian Kagoro Leave a comment


      Years back I read somewhere that “WORK” is “LOVE” made visible! It really isn’t about how much you are paid or valued or promoted, although these are very important incentives. I really believe in decent pay for decent work, but at some stage the penny must drop for you. Decent is not the same as wealthy nor is it sufficiently comfortable!

      Work is passionate or enjoyable service and not just the “Unfortunate thing or profession” that you were trained to do! In fact, even if you were not formally trained for it, you can build “MASTERY” in it! Here is the scary bit though, most work cannot meet your vision and version of a comfortable life, Let alone cashflow or cash flood expectations!

      You cannot become wealthy by working overtime for someone else! Stop trying to squeeze water out of an iron bar or rock!

      Let me repeat for the umpteenth time and for the benefit of those who hear things only when they have been repeated several times:

      Work, a job or employment is not a war zone where you go to do mortal combat, professional wrestling, taekondo or Kung fu with workmates and bosses. It is not a grudge match. Your job is not to grieve, belittle, outshine or win over anyone of your colleagues. It is to collaborate , co-create and mutually empower each other as a TEAM.

      A job isn’t a beauty contest either where you must always be the best looking, most made up and etcetera. What is the point of amassing crowns in someone else’s castle? Get or build your own!

      A job isn’t a monogamous marriage run on “till death do us part” principle. Don’t die for a job or in a job, it is not your company and don’t start feeling entitled; you’re not a shareholder! You’re a contract worker O! And contracts do sadly come to an end.

      Work or a job is not a life jail sentence to which you have been condemned without the option of parole. It can easily become draining hard labour and a thankless waste of precious youth or middle age time! If you’re in your 30s, 40s or 50s then you’re in the danger zone and soon you might just be a bitter retiree who never fully explored their options beyond that one painful or exhausting work experience. You never know what you can truly and fully do professionally until you explore!

      NB. The above is as true for jobs as it is for any membership in any organisation or any relationship. What doesn’t or hasn’t grown you will most likely stagnate, retard or kill you in more ways than one. The problem is not the organisation, relationships or job, It is YOU! If you’re not cactus or succulents you will never grow to your full potential in desert sand or rocky soils. Certain crops or flowers require certain climates, soil types, moisture or sunlight to grow. What kind of plant are you and what are your growth – not comfort or preference – imperatives?

      SHUT UP or PUT UP!
      If you won’t quit your job , relationship, friendship or organisation, then please SHUT or PUT UP! Don’t spread toxicity by describing your unhappiness that you are unwilling to solve everyday and to everyone.

      DO IT FOR YOU!
      Have you ever worked somewhere or for someone or been in something for so long that you begin to think and behave like a co-owner? YES, there is a very thin line between ‘Responsible Stewardship’ and subconscious ‘Entitlement’.

      If work or a job starts destroying you emotionally and physically or causing you mental health issues: Quit! One day you will be fired & what you’re fighting so hard to keep will be taken away. Don’t ever fear leaving a job or starting a new one. Do it for you.

      EXCUSES, STORIES, EXCUZES!

      Please never give the lame excuse of mortgage, children’s school fees or personal obligations as an explanation for staying in a toxic work environment or with an abusive or even just manipulative Boss. Look in the mirror & see the only excuse with all its fears.

      Please spare us that garbage about not finishing something that you started many years ago or recently at work as your excuse for not leaving. Who do you think you are? If you die or become incapacitated do you think the company will shut down? Get real O!

      Be careful about an unbalanced or infantile notion of loyalty. Some people are so genuine, naive or simply nervous that they cannot and will not quit jobs because “when I was nothing, these guys took me in, took care of me, taught me everything that I know and always treated me like family.”

      Good for them and good for you! Listen, loyalty is not physical presence, it is conscious value of something or someone. Even the most loyal daughter or son does leave home to stay on their own, to establish their own home, to get married or to pursue their own dreams! Don’t burn bridges when you leave, but leave if you have to! In my experience, the only child that never leaves their parents home may have issues or the parents have issues! Don’t be a drama queen when you intend to leave and don’t do snakes, ladders and dice games. Be open, courteous, grateful, assertive and transparent!

      BUT leave. SHOW growth and retain GRATITUDE. Remember: Loyalty is seen in service and not bandage of servitude!