Category Career

The path to Leadership or Success

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment

There is no linear, painless, tests less, path to leadership or success.



There is a lot of microwaved truth-sounding, money-making, profile-building and hyper Individualistic stuff about success and leadership out there. Its disciples are growing by the minute as the world searches for short-cuts to Elitism, Status and Leisure!

Let me save you the pain by just assuring you that reality doesn’t and will not consult your motivational speaker or favourite book. Depending on who you’re leading and where they are situated in life, you will soon discover that they most likely do not conform to your neat book typologies and formulas. People are people and spectacularly unique. Deal with who or what you have and don’t be detained in the brilliant books that you have read or their formula

HISTORY OF PAIN : The Limits of Memory and Imagination

But as you all know, History & Her-Story is pregnant with memories of greatness (real or imagined) as well as hurt, grievance and injustice. The opportunity to live your future on the basis of yesterday’s memories is an everyday struggle. Today we create memories for the future. What are they? The tendency to create unidirectional constructs of good and bad, success and failure, oppression, discrimination and dispossession are endless. We barely look our own oppressive, exclusionary and discriminatory tendencies in the eye. Injustice is only real and legitimate to us if done against us or our friends. But even the meaning of “US” is limited and narrow . Hence class, ethnicity, sexism, caste and colorism.

MYTH OF LINEAR PATHS & FORMULA

You will never walk to your future in a straight line. If you fly there will be layovers and alternative routes . If you drive there will be traffic jams, road diversions and roadblocks. If you walk, the road will wind some, become hilly, cross rivers and broken bridges.

Leadership is not all glory and gloss. There is pain, loneliness, uncertainty, resistance, irrationality, betrayal and disappointment by others and by yourself. You cannot escape this even if you prayed 24/7, did Yoga and followed 100% the myths, examples or formula contained in religious, motivational and Leadership Books’ steps to success

SWEETNESS AND EMPATHY will not take away the MESSINESS of REALITY

You must understand from the onset – or wherever you might be situated in your leadership journey that your being as sweet as chocolate or candy does not change the fact that all leadership(and yours too) is refined in a crucible (a place of great pressure, heat, testing and trial). Your being thorough, methodical, empathetic and inclusive will not remove the inescapable messiness of reality and the realness of people and their issues, prejudices, biases, assumptions and personalities.

THE LEADERSHIP JOURNEY IS AS PERSONAL AS ARE SCHOOL EXAMINATIONS AND MEDICAL TESTS/TREATMENT

The same way that no-one else, no matter how much they loved and adored you – could sit for your school and university exams for you or take your injections… nobody can take your Leadership tests, trials, persecution and tribulations for you. You can be very close to the owner of the company or the boss of bosses, but they too have their very personal tests, trials and tribulations of Leadership. Your closeness to power doesn’t insulate you from having to go through your go throughs of the leadership journey. Even if the University Principal were your mother and the doctor your father or lover, that doesn’t exempt you from having to sit for and pass exams or do required medical tests. No relationship, connection, quality or character can exempt you from going through the leadership journey and its pains and joys

Prepare yourselves thoroughly for the pain and joy that comes before glory !

THE WOUNDS OF FRIENDS: Love, Loyalty & Public Display of Differences (PDD)

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Three (3) rules are golden in any relationship based on trust, mutuality and/or intimacy. These are :-

  • Never embarass,belittle or contradict each other in public
  • If you want to chastise or criticise your person, partner or comrade use the side-bar option or use your privileged access to convey your undiluted displeasure or difference of opinion; and
  • Avoid auto-correcting, upstaging or contradicting your ‘Boss’ in meetings or public, especially if you have the luxury of time to advise them appropriately to correct their mistake, misconception or misstatement. Retain their dignity without compromising your principles

PUBLIC or PRIVATE DEBATE

In my view, differences regarding strategy, tactics or nuance can be litigated privately. Unless there is no other opportunity to do so before a binding decision is made. BUT any ideological flippancy or abdication of principle has to be addressed publicly because of the fundamental harm it causes in long-term. This includes Lifestyle contradictions, hypocrisy and lies.

IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU

Sometimes confidence or assertiveness is merely loud insecurities or narcissism. There is a fine line between the desire to be seen as objective or neutral and projection of your own narcissistic, self-righteous or disdainful view of another, especially your comrade, leader, lover, sibling or partner. As stated above, there are several exceptions to this general principle of managing public display of Differences (PDD), including the fact that some people will accept that they are or were wrong in private only to repeat the same offensive conduct again in public. Such has to be publicly called to order. If you always make everything about you, your feelings and your opinions, then you miss the great opportunity to learn from the mistakes of others as well as your own.

RELATING TO LIARS, LAZY FOLKS and HYPOCRITES

In every area of life and endeavour, there are folks you relate with that can potentially become an embarrassment to you and the team, family or collective. This is because despite all the advice, they seem to be addicted to certain self-destructive tendencies or they are such serial liars, lovers of things, hypocrites or serial Flip-floppers. Between their unbridled ambition and dishonesty, there is nothing else but make up , heels, suits, empty words or clichés. They have no shame at all. You know, there is nothing as painful as liars with bad memory ! They forget so fast and create reality out of nothing or just pure fantasy.

DON’T BE DUMB! Manage Sensitive Information

Please don’t be DUMB! Don’t go to your friend, neighbours, siblings , workmates or comrade and tell them sensitive or personal information and charge them to keep it a SECRET. Agghhh, BUT even you couldn’t keep it to yourself. They Can’t & Won’t keep your SECRET. Don’t be angry that they do the expected! You exposed yourself and that secret will be weaponized against you publicly!

I long figured out why break-ups, separations, divorces, business partnerships or Company dissolution are messy, vicious & emotionally draining. It is because of all the dirty , deep or sensitive information each side holds and fears will be shared generously to all and sundry. You better not have weaknesses (physical, mental, emotional, financial, professional and etcetera), these will become open source data!

If you don’t want anything or something (good or bad) you say about someone else or yourself to reach him or her, then don’t say it at all. Think it and keep it! Information (juicy or trending) in the hands of a friend, a sibling, neighbour, comrade or an enemy is like a new toy, shoes or dress to a child. It will be repeatedly flaunted Oh!

WHAT STAYING IN A JOB TOO LONG SAYS ABOUT YOU

Brian Kagoro 1 Comment

Staying in a job too long is not a measure of Stability, Independence, Performance or Loyalty. Here is why:



STAGNANT BRILLIANCE

Several things happen if you work for the same organisation , person or system for too long. You stop growing and become conservative, cynical, entitled, highly political or embittered. You become emotionally, psychologically, physically, socially and spiritually mortgaged! You feel tied to & inseparable from it You can become- quite easily- like the following:-



INSECURITIES DISGUISED AS LOYALTY

If you have been too long in the same job or organisation, it most probably because :-


• A gold fish in a small or stagnant big pond that thinks it is biggest & baddest fish on earth. A village celebrity who uses the same tired tricks , sings the same song the same way or dances the same style or beats the same drum with no variation at all or the village comedian who tells the same jokes for decades and even laughs at his own dry jokes before everyone else does!

• A history magazine with all past references and very little or no future or simply a broken chair or squeaky door hinge or noisy bed

•A dud lacking in innovation and creativity in exchange for stability, security & political correctness

•You’re insecure, too comfortable, enjoying it or you’re plain mediocre & boring

•You hate change, the company owners or job is using you or you’re using the job/company to do other things totally unrelated or as launchpad. You could also be simply using it to pay the mortgage, take your children through school or maintain your preferred “soft life”. You are fooling yourself, you are like one of the old paintings, carpets or furniture the company will not replace to save costs.

• You are a control freak and prefer to remain in a place where you can use Longevity to manipulate people, processes and outcomes.



It is not really the other person, approach, idea or process that you are fighting, it is you and your innermost fears and deep insecurities. Why are you afraid that more adventurous, entrepreneurial and innovative folks will make mistakes as part of growing or creating the new? What if they succeed?

I am not advocating for an absolute absence of guidance. Rather I am calling for flexible facilitation! Listen, creatives will mess with your heart and head, they will give you headaches. They things appear too experimental and too look like sure bets from the onset. Bear with them! Risk taking is your reward and not necessarily the outcome!

You also resist any changes to what you have laboured to build for many years because you do not believe that anyone else can improve on it. You subconsciously always return to default settings or even safe settings. Tragically, even new and plenty young people are like this. It is not just age and Longevity, it is mindset, personality and character. Narcissists and control freaks come in all sexes, ages, races, cultures and sizes.

FALSE STANDARD BEARER

Whether in political parties , private sector, NGOs, churches, mosques or government long servers are both institutional memory and also potential detention centres of progress. They arrest development, innovation and transformation. You see, they can help new folks avoid making a litany of mistakes or be so conservative that nothing at all functions except done according to some old formulaic way. It is always a fine balance between being the safe pair of experienced hands and the rigid hands of stagnated bureaucracy and rote control. You the old guard can and often frustrates innovative youth and youth totally disregard the tried and tested wisdom both with the same consequences for the organisation.

Here is the golden lesson: If you stay too long in an organisation, job or position, you will subconsciously:-

Fight against anything new person, ideas or changes. You will resist anything that is fresh, out of the box thinking or different. It is like me and colours. For many years everything that I owned had to be dark, mostly navy blue, black or grey and every once in a while a dark brown. My shoes were all black. I am glad that I changed quickly.

Check yourself and some of the doctrinal nonsense that you impose on other people. Relax, life is not all rock and metal, often it is soul and flexible!

KNOW WHAT WORK IS and ISN’T!

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment


Years back I read somewhere that “WORK” is “LOVE” made visible! It really isn’t about how much you are paid or valued or promoted, although these are very important incentives. I really believe in decent pay for decent work, but at some stage the penny must drop for you. Decent is not the same as wealthy nor is it sufficiently comfortable!

Work is passionate or enjoyable service and not just the “Unfortunate thing or profession” that you were trained to do! In fact, even if you were not formally trained for it, you can build “MASTERY” in it! Here is the scary bit though, most work cannot meet your vision and version of a comfortable life, Let alone cashflow or cash flood expectations!

You cannot become wealthy by working overtime for someone else! Stop trying to squeeze water out of an iron bar or rock!

Let me repeat for the umpteenth time and for the benefit of those who hear things only when they have been repeated several times:

Work, a job or employment is not a war zone where you go to do mortal combat, professional wrestling, taekondo or Kung fu with workmates and bosses. It is not a grudge match. Your job is not to grieve, belittle, outshine or win over anyone of your colleagues. It is to collaborate , co-create and mutually empower each other as a TEAM.

A job isn’t a beauty contest either where you must always be the best looking, most made up and etcetera. What is the point of amassing crowns in someone else’s castle? Get or build your own!

A job isn’t a monogamous marriage run on “till death do us part” principle. Don’t die for a job or in a job, it is not your company and don’t start feeling entitled; you’re not a shareholder! You’re a contract worker O! And contracts do sadly come to an end.

Work or a job is not a life jail sentence to which you have been condemned without the option of parole. It can easily become draining hard labour and a thankless waste of precious youth or middle age time! If you’re in your 30s, 40s or 50s then you’re in the danger zone and soon you might just be a bitter retiree who never fully explored their options beyond that one painful or exhausting work experience. You never know what you can truly and fully do professionally until you explore!

NB. The above is as true for jobs as it is for any membership in any organisation or any relationship. What doesn’t or hasn’t grown you will most likely stagnate, retard or kill you in more ways than one. The problem is not the organisation, relationships or job, It is YOU! If you’re not cactus or succulents you will never grow to your full potential in desert sand or rocky soils. Certain crops or flowers require certain climates, soil types, moisture or sunlight to grow. What kind of plant are you and what are your growth – not comfort or preference – imperatives?

SHUT UP or PUT UP!
If you won’t quit your job , relationship, friendship or organisation, then please SHUT or PUT UP! Don’t spread toxicity by describing your unhappiness that you are unwilling to solve everyday and to everyone.

DO IT FOR YOU!
Have you ever worked somewhere or for someone or been in something for so long that you begin to think and behave like a co-owner? YES, there is a very thin line between ‘Responsible Stewardship’ and subconscious ‘Entitlement’.

If work or a job starts destroying you emotionally and physically or causing you mental health issues: Quit! One day you will be fired & what you’re fighting so hard to keep will be taken away. Don’t ever fear leaving a job or starting a new one. Do it for you.

EXCUSES, STORIES, EXCUZES!

Please never give the lame excuse of mortgage, children’s school fees or personal obligations as an explanation for staying in a toxic work environment or with an abusive or even just manipulative Boss. Look in the mirror & see the only excuse with all its fears.

Please spare us that garbage about not finishing something that you started many years ago or recently at work as your excuse for not leaving. Who do you think you are? If you die or become incapacitated do you think the company will shut down? Get real O!

Be careful about an unbalanced or infantile notion of loyalty. Some people are so genuine, naive or simply nervous that they cannot and will not quit jobs because “when I was nothing, these guys took me in, took care of me, taught me everything that I know and always treated me like family.”

Good for them and good for you! Listen, loyalty is not physical presence, it is conscious value of something or someone. Even the most loyal daughter or son does leave home to stay on their own, to establish their own home, to get married or to pursue their own dreams! Don’t burn bridges when you leave, but leave if you have to! In my experience, the only child that never leaves their parents home may have issues or the parents have issues! Don’t be a drama queen when you intend to leave and don’t do snakes, ladders and dice games. Be open, courteous, grateful, assertive and transparent!

BUT leave. SHOW growth and retain GRATITUDE. Remember: Loyalty is seen in service and not bandage of servitude!