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COLONIAL ERASURE and Post-Colonial Imaginaries of Law and Society

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You can only aspire for what you can construct as a clear mental picture (vision).

If the mental picture that you aspire to is merely about being an acceptable carbon copy of someone else ( i.e. another person, culture, nation, civilization, race, etc) then you are deep in mental slavery.

If what you know only empowers you to mimic someone else or another culture or race, then you are a victim of knowledge autocracy or knowledge imperialism. Who you really are, could be and should be has been totally erased. Such erasure starts with erasure of memory or history


You do not need to be a lawyer in order to understand that there is something ridiculous with African judges wearing white wigs and red gowns in our sweltering heat or lawyers wearing black gowns , white wigs and gebou(bibs). We inherited this from the colonial era and much more insidious and harmful ideologies about being, becoming and belonging at law.

Our Constitutions are mostly authored from the following assumptions, perspectives and principles :

1. African customary law shall apply in narrow family settings and with regards to the determination of traditional leadership only to the extent that it is not repugnant to general law ( read into this European or Western Law)

2. In other words, African customary law and culture doesn’t apply to issues of property; commerce, technology, education, health and almost every other important aspect of your life. Why ? Because natives were deemed to have no philosophy, no culture really and no values such as would distinguish them from mere brutish animals

3. Such that even when determining land ownership in Zimbabwe in 1918, British Privy Council was of the opinion that “the native has no concept of ownership” . Hence the Chimurenga war mantra that the Liberator was a “Son or Daughter of the Soil” …inseparable from the Land.

The idea that the land – all land – belonged to the colonial State and by parity of reasoning the white minority that presided over the State was made even more ridiculous by the view that mining claims superceded even land ownership by title deed. The mining interests of the colonial elite essentially led to a law that empowered the pillaging mining oligarchy to evict whole villages in order assert their right to dig for minerals. Questions of free prior and informed consent and mutual benefit are very recent developments.

Today we see whole villages and conservancy being pillaged by foreign prospectors protected by State Elites ( albeit Black Elites). What is tragic though is how liberating a country from colonial rule without concurrent decolonization of the law leads essentially to continuation of colonial governance and outcomes long after the white colonialists are gone. If you don’t change the structure, culture and mindset of the judiciary and lawyers you will efficiently echo an Empire long gone! Political and economic scavenging elites will decimate communities and ecology in search of El Dorado!

HISTORY PROVES ALL OF US FOOLISH
We cannot undo the harm done through constitutional, judicial and legal forms, including legal education without pressing the reset button.

If you consider the Chinese, Indian and African civilisations, they were far more advanced in their imagination of law , society and justice than the Euro-American systems that they have become absolutely dependent upon.

For instance, In the early thirteenth century, following a major military victory, the founder of the Mandingo Empire and the assembly of his wise men proclaimed in Kurukan Fuga the new Manden Charter, named after the territory situated above the upper Niger River basin, between present-day Guinea and Mali.

The Manden Charter, is one of the oldest constitutions in the world. It contains a preamble of seven chapters dealing with the following: social peace in diversity, the inviolability of the human being, education, the integrity of the motherland, food security, the abolition of slavery by razzia (or raid), and freedom of expression and trade.

Long after the Empire disappeared, the words of the Charter and the rituals associated with it are still transmitted orally within the Malinke clans. To keep the tradition alive, commemorative annual ceremonies of the historic assembly are organized in the village of Kangaba (adjacent to the vast clearing of Kurukan Fuga, which now lies in Mali, (close to the Guinean border). The ceremonies are backed by the local and national authorities of Mali and, in particular, the traditional authorities, who see it as a source of law and as promoting a message of love, peace and fraternity, which has survived through the ages. The Manden Charter continues to underlie the basis of the values and identity of the populations concerned.

At Great Zimbabwe and Mapungubgwe you will find similar renditions of law (the unwritten but well codified and practiced constitutions) that were key to social harmony, cohesion and prosperity. Our kingdoms and nations traded and inter-married thus borrowing practices from each other. If you travel from Southern Africa to Timbuktu via Lamu/Mombasa, Rwanda, Ethiopia, Ghana and Nigeria you will naturally notice many similarities (universal practices). Our humanities and social sciences guru’s must help us codify and modernise this inert universality. Why not? After all, are we not forced to or happily practice/apply Roman-Dutch common law (read customary law) with touches of German, English and French customary practices in independent Africa?

If we continue to imagine law and justice in Roman-Dutch, German, French colonial images, then decolonization is far from being accomplished. The wigs, gowns and etcetera are mere expressions of deeply internalised coloniality! We need the courage to re-imagine.

The fact that we had and have practices of conflict resolution and conceptions of justice that are restorative in our own cultures and we have despite 60 years of independence not sought to find universal meaning out of these shows that our imagination is deeply damaged by this internalised coloniality! We are proved foolish by history.

THE WOUNDS OF FRIENDS: Love, Loyalty & Public Display of Differences (PDD)

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Three (3) rules are golden in any relationship based on trust, mutuality and/or intimacy. These are :-

  • Never embarass,belittle or contradict each other in public
  • If you want to chastise or criticise your person, partner or comrade use the side-bar option or use your privileged access to convey your undiluted displeasure or difference of opinion; and
  • Avoid auto-correcting, upstaging or contradicting your ‘Boss’ in meetings or public, especially if you have the luxury of time to advise them appropriately to correct their mistake, misconception or misstatement. Retain their dignity without compromising your principles

PUBLIC or PRIVATE DEBATE

In my view, differences regarding strategy, tactics or nuance can be litigated privately. Unless there is no other opportunity to do so before a binding decision is made. BUT any ideological flippancy or abdication of principle has to be addressed publicly because of the fundamental harm it causes in long-term. This includes Lifestyle contradictions, hypocrisy and lies.

IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU

Sometimes confidence or assertiveness is merely loud insecurities or narcissism. There is a fine line between the desire to be seen as objective or neutral and projection of your own narcissistic, self-righteous or disdainful view of another, especially your comrade, leader, lover, sibling or partner. As stated above, there are several exceptions to this general principle of managing public display of Differences (PDD), including the fact that some people will accept that they are or were wrong in private only to repeat the same offensive conduct again in public. Such has to be publicly called to order. If you always make everything about you, your feelings and your opinions, then you miss the great opportunity to learn from the mistakes of others as well as your own.

RELATING TO LIARS, LAZY FOLKS and HYPOCRITES

In every area of life and endeavour, there are folks you relate with that can potentially become an embarrassment to you and the team, family or collective. This is because despite all the advice, they seem to be addicted to certain self-destructive tendencies or they are such serial liars, lovers of things, hypocrites or serial Flip-floppers. Between their unbridled ambition and dishonesty, there is nothing else but make up , heels, suits, empty words or clichés. They have no shame at all. You know, there is nothing as painful as liars with bad memory ! They forget so fast and create reality out of nothing or just pure fantasy.

DON’T BE DUMB! Manage Sensitive Information

Please don’t be DUMB! Don’t go to your friend, neighbours, siblings , workmates or comrade and tell them sensitive or personal information and charge them to keep it a SECRET. Agghhh, BUT even you couldn’t keep it to yourself. They Can’t & Won’t keep your SECRET. Don’t be angry that they do the expected! You exposed yourself and that secret will be weaponized against you publicly!

I long figured out why break-ups, separations, divorces, business partnerships or Company dissolution are messy, vicious & emotionally draining. It is because of all the dirty , deep or sensitive information each side holds and fears will be shared generously to all and sundry. You better not have weaknesses (physical, mental, emotional, financial, professional and etcetera), these will become open source data!

If you don’t want anything or something (good or bad) you say about someone else or yourself to reach him or her, then don’t say it at all. Think it and keep it! Information (juicy or trending) in the hands of a friend, a sibling, neighbour, comrade or an enemy is like a new toy, shoes or dress to a child. It will be repeatedly flaunted Oh!

CULTURE, CHANGE & TOXICITY

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  • All CHANGE is CULTURE

In any society, organisation or family, if you don’t understand the cultures and customs, you will struggle to understand the basis of the relationships. Equally so, if you do not consciously change existing toxic cultures you tend to reproduce the same toxic relationships even if the leadership or staff change. Environment conditions the atmosphere and ambiance in any organisation.

Continue reading “CULTURE, CHANGE & TOXICITY” →

Saying Thank You Vs Gratitude

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When you were a child your parents taught you never to receive any gift or thing without those two magical words “Thank You”. It could be one word in your indigenous language. So, we all learned to say it almost mechanically. But despite our parents’ best efforts, some amongst us can take, grab or receive without saying “Thank You”.


Think about work mates that steal your ideas, plans and projects without a shade of shame at all. Or bosses and employers that exploit you, pay you peanuts or nothing at all. Think of clients who acknowledge receipt of your great work, refuse, forget or delay paying you ? Who or what do they believe pays your bills or feeds your family ? Some even demand more ?

Imagine the child that lives under your roof, eats food that you buy, dresses in clothes that you sweat hard to buy, uses a mobile phone and data bought with your money or drives your car and still fails to say “Thank You”? Children can forget that you’re human and only remember you when they want something or need to go somewhere. What Entitlement, What arrogance, What stupidity!

Parents too can feel so entitled to a child’s labour, provisioning, gifts, phone calls and effort that they forget what they taught saying: “Thank You”.

Parents can break the spirit of their children in several ways, including:-


(a) Comparing Siblings as though it is a beauty contest or comparing their children to neighbours or friends’ children as though to say : “you don’t measure up”. Why are you not like so, so and so’s daughter or son?
(b) Demanding endless performance and wanting to live their own failed lives, marriages, careers and parenthood through their kids
(c) Not learning to let go , being control freaks, being over protective and projecting their bitterness and failures and disappointment or even surreal expectations onto their children
(d) Loving your spoilt brats to the point of failing to help them snap out of perennial childishness and splendid displays of irresponsibility. Just because your childhood was hard, deprived or full of suffering does not mean that you should spare your children the privilege of encountering the realities of life. One day you will die and your precious spoilt brat will have to face life totally unprepared. You are cruel , you are careless and reckless to not prepare your child in advance.

GRATITUDE is an attitude of the heart and a condition of the mind or human spirit that appreciates and acknowledges others . It sees small and big things done by others and treasures them. Gratitude is by nature empathetic, it puts itself in the shoes of the doer and values the thoughts behind each deed no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Gratitude values people and not just performance. It is the constant willingness to search for light, life, peace and joy as well as to give these. People are not like trees or grass along your path that you trample upon or pass without noticing. Notice people great and small. Remember people, acknowledge people and appreciate people.

Saying “Thank You” means nothing if it doesn’t come from a grateful heart. It is a mere ritual if it is accompanied by a “But” or some form of grumbling or complaint. ‘Thank You’ is a great phrase, improve on it by learning Gratitude.

Above all, do not be that idiot or fool that only counts and accounts for what you do for other people and you totally fail to appreciate the great and small things other people do for you! Yes you give and have given a lot! BUT , if truth be told , you have received a lot more than you have been willing or wise enough to acknowledge. Be grateful, be thankful for the gift of Life, family, friendship, health, wellbeing and welfare. Serve people and value them!

It is Simple: Home-Grown & Authentic lasts longer than Cheap Imports

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Beware of glorified fakeness or lack of authenticity in your life. Be very careful not to mistake labels for quality or public relations for Bible truth. Even more importantly, don’t substitute personal growth with quick fame, microwaved credentials, titles and top line knowledge. Don’t embrace the fantasy of false equivalence or mistake proximity to power for equivalence!

SUCCESS IS A CONDITION not a position or possession!
Do not mistake success as the source of happiness until you’re so desperate to succeed by fair or foul means. You will be a very bitter – and not better – successful version of yourself. First value yourself, value truth, value authenticity and value what you are. Life did not put you in Africa so that you aspire for intellectual, cultural, economic and spiritual slavery to Europe and America. Desire wholeness and healing from a sense of inadequacy, inferiority and self-destructive doubt!

EXCUSE YOURSELF and EXCUSE US!
The fact that you have or hold the same qualifications or title as somebody else does not make you equivalent at all. Let me repeat, being on the same panel as global corporate, government, faith or civil society leaders or rock star Professors does not make you equivalent to them. Zoom appearance and Selfie doesn’t amount to equivalency. Excuse us, we know what you are capable of as well as what you are not. Excuse yourself, you know that short cuts don’t always amount to completion of great journeys, right ?

CRUCIBLES OF LIFE

Please stop making up theories about how life, leadership and success works after only a few tears and years. Don’t profess expertise before your qualifications, skills and experience have been through the crucibles of life, work, adversity and failure and come out on the other end still totally aligned, intact and credible. You think you know something because you have had one great post, a lucky break or brilliant student’s promo? Life is full of greater geniuses and dreamers who failed. Be constant and consistent for the next decade or two.

Repeat this skill, expertise and experience in different organisations, positions, contexts and countries with the same or greater measure of success. Then come back here and talk shop about great success, leadership or life principles! For now, sit down and learn from both your books and real life. Otherwise your book theories and life in a decade from now will be so far apart like Earth & Mars or Like an Anti-corruption activist who becomes a politician and cabinet minister or an Opposition Leader that joins the ruling party as an official without portfolio or purpose!

CLONES & CLOWNS
Don’t use clichés, quotes and platitudes from books that you have read, videos or movies watched as the only basis of your understanding of Life, leadership, success and happiness. Remember that as good as all those leadership stories and case studies that you are relying on are; the people involved were not dealing with the same people or cultural, social, spiritual, political and economic context as yours. When you apply the lessons they offer, make relevant contextual adjustments, differentiation, domestication and distinction. Even the world’s major religions adjusted when they got to Africa.

Don’t be a ridiculous educated or smart clone! You read a book from America or Europe about how to campaign, raise money for social causes, empower people, dress, talk, behave or negotiate for success and you want to apply it to our mothers, fathers, youth, politicians, traditional leadership, religious or cultural context without any adjustments at all? Who bewitched you? Why do you think that you can use an American or European leadership fantasy, experience, experiment or expertise to produce authentically African organisations, experiences and outcomes?

Listen, your parents and grandparents were forced to learn Shakespeare, Chaucer and Dickens, where are they now ? Even they had the commonsense to reject becoming good English-speaking or French-speaking paupers tormented by a sense of false civility! Stop it! Emancipate yourself from this mental, cultural, spiritual, and social slavery!

Colonialism and coloniality will always produce spectacular shortcomings. If you don’t adjust your constant reference to American Corporate, political, civic or spiritual experience as the platinum standard of life , You will reproduce the same absurdities of super rich or powerful minorities driven by super profits with very little humanity : the same racist, white supremacy, poverty and inequality.

Black folks that think that they cannot succeed without worshipping whiteness, Europeanness or Americanness. Folks that see success based on their similarity to, acceptance by and/or acceptability to European or American supremacists .or even just accents – are just Clowns.
Accent is not substance! Colonial embrace is neither legitimacy, authenticity nor success. It is mere utility. You are a usable native! Have the accents if you wish, but please also get some commonsense and wisdom whilst you are at it!



BE AUTHENTIC!
Stop admiring dysfunction. If you can’t, please don’t turn it into an article of Faith or Bible of leadership and success. Learn to question some things and think critically! Otherwise, you will turn folks or your organisation into an intellectually, contextually and culturally disconnected shoddy version of the American or European ones . Abeg ,even if the people you lead get the Euro-American accents and de-contextualised jokes right , they will never be European or American.

Try being authentic. You’re here in Africa in order to promote, produce and practice an authentic homegrown global expertise and experience

WHAT STAYING IN A JOB TOO LONG SAYS ABOUT YOU

Brian Kagoro 1 Comment

Staying in a job too long is not a measure of Stability, Independence, Performance or Loyalty. Here is why:



STAGNANT BRILLIANCE

Several things happen if you work for the same organisation , person or system for too long. You stop growing and become conservative, cynical, entitled, highly political or embittered. You become emotionally, psychologically, physically, socially and spiritually mortgaged! You feel tied to & inseparable from it You can become- quite easily- like the following:-



INSECURITIES DISGUISED AS LOYALTY

If you have been too long in the same job or organisation, it most probably because :-


• A gold fish in a small or stagnant big pond that thinks it is biggest & baddest fish on earth. A village celebrity who uses the same tired tricks , sings the same song the same way or dances the same style or beats the same drum with no variation at all or the village comedian who tells the same jokes for decades and even laughs at his own dry jokes before everyone else does!

• A history magazine with all past references and very little or no future or simply a broken chair or squeaky door hinge or noisy bed

•A dud lacking in innovation and creativity in exchange for stability, security & political correctness

•You’re insecure, too comfortable, enjoying it or you’re plain mediocre & boring

•You hate change, the company owners or job is using you or you’re using the job/company to do other things totally unrelated or as launchpad. You could also be simply using it to pay the mortgage, take your children through school or maintain your preferred “soft life”. You are fooling yourself, you are like one of the old paintings, carpets or furniture the company will not replace to save costs.

• You are a control freak and prefer to remain in a place where you can use Longevity to manipulate people, processes and outcomes.



It is not really the other person, approach, idea or process that you are fighting, it is you and your innermost fears and deep insecurities. Why are you afraid that more adventurous, entrepreneurial and innovative folks will make mistakes as part of growing or creating the new? What if they succeed?

I am not advocating for an absolute absence of guidance. Rather I am calling for flexible facilitation! Listen, creatives will mess with your heart and head, they will give you headaches. They things appear too experimental and too look like sure bets from the onset. Bear with them! Risk taking is your reward and not necessarily the outcome!

You also resist any changes to what you have laboured to build for many years because you do not believe that anyone else can improve on it. You subconsciously always return to default settings or even safe settings. Tragically, even new and plenty young people are like this. It is not just age and Longevity, it is mindset, personality and character. Narcissists and control freaks come in all sexes, ages, races, cultures and sizes.

FALSE STANDARD BEARER

Whether in political parties , private sector, NGOs, churches, mosques or government long servers are both institutional memory and also potential detention centres of progress. They arrest development, innovation and transformation. You see, they can help new folks avoid making a litany of mistakes or be so conservative that nothing at all functions except done according to some old formulaic way. It is always a fine balance between being the safe pair of experienced hands and the rigid hands of stagnated bureaucracy and rote control. You the old guard can and often frustrates innovative youth and youth totally disregard the tried and tested wisdom both with the same consequences for the organisation.

Here is the golden lesson: If you stay too long in an organisation, job or position, you will subconsciously:-

Fight against anything new person, ideas or changes. You will resist anything that is fresh, out of the box thinking or different. It is like me and colours. For many years everything that I owned had to be dark, mostly navy blue, black or grey and every once in a while a dark brown. My shoes were all black. I am glad that I changed quickly.

Check yourself and some of the doctrinal nonsense that you impose on other people. Relax, life is not all rock and metal, often it is soul and flexible!

YOU CANNOT FAKE LEADERSHIP, INTELLIGENCE , LOYALTY or RELATIONSHIPS. Here are the reasons Why!

Brian Kagoro Leave a comment

ENSKILL YOUR CONFIDENCE
Often those people with the most to share or that are always overflowing with ideas also have the most to learn. Great confidence can cover up an ocean of ignorance, naivety, shallowness and incapacity. If you’re wise, create ample room to learn as you teach and to receive as you give!

AVOID MICROWAVE JUDGMENT!
Foolish folks get accolades from reaching quick judgments about situations, people and organisations based on anecdotes and talebearers fantasies or prejudices. In countries where literacy, numeracy and eloquence are worshipped, these attributes are often mistaken for leadership qualities. There are many highly educated embiciles and extremely eloquent morons

Wise folks weigh matters, test spirits, study characters and carefully analyze issues first. They don’t follow every wind of opinion!

MONEY is Essential BUT It isn’t EVERYTHING
If anything, COVID-19 has aptly demonstrated, it is that you can die from it with all the money and fame in the world. For many political heavy weights, celebrities and rich folks, money has answered many things except preserving their lives from COVID-19 scourge. But, you cannot buy life!
This season wonderfully demonstrates to each one of us that our most meaningful contributions in life may actually cost no money at all. Just you being genuine, open, attentive or vulnerable with someone. The ideas of “ROCK MAN”, “IRON LADY”, “SUPERWOMAN or SUPER HERO” that is ever strong, always perfect, ever conquering and never wrong are highways to grand deception, heartbreak and spectacular failure!

You are human, strong maybe but you’re flesh and blood (mortal) with spiritual attributes but you live in a body that gets tired, sickly and sometimes cries out for a break (i.e. physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially etc)

SELFISH folks exploit SELFLESS Ones!
There are human beings (young or old, male or female) that are so selfless (ethical, professional, trustworthy and loyal too) that they will risk everything for people or organisations that they believe in or causes dearest to their hearts. And yet there are also human beings so supremely selfish that thrive by or make a business out of exploiting such selflessness, genuineness and goodness. Stop counting what you have done for people and start objectively appreciating the many things that other people have done for you. The risks and sacrifices that others have made for your success, that same success that you want to reduce solely to your individual efforts! Retell your Story and fill in the missing pages of what other people (great and small, known and unkown) have contributed! You cannot show gratitude for and to the people you refuse to acknowledge!

Whispering scatterers!
In every manner and form of organisation there are folks that thrive by whispering & scattering. Instead of creating solutions or producing results their sole preoccupation is discrediting or scattering great things or efforts made by others. Beware the whispering scatterers! There are there even in your family, church, mosque or sports bar too! There are there in every gender, class, race and ethnicit. Scatterers!

If You Disrespect and Disregard Standards & Values procedures and rules keep mission and vision on track. If they are too rigid, they Stiffle innovation and growth by creating an unimaginative bureaucracy. BUT if you throw them away then you are at the mercy of instinct, avarice, greed and malice. Nothing is so sacred in any organisation that rules, procedures & values have to be constantly waived, manipulated or undermined to achieve the interests, convenience or desires of one person or a clique. Organisational standards, rules , procedures and values apply to all. If you make some individual more equal than others you will suffer from the human-god or part human part animal leadership syndrome unmitigated tyranny or infallible-head disease! It won’t take long for sychophancy, mediocrity and division to become the core features of your organisation!

LEADERSHIP isn’t about GRUDGE settlement.
Some of your best middle managers and leaders are eccentric, awkward or constantly questioning individuals. They don’t always make you feel comfortable or happy, but they bring phenomenal results.
If you allow questions of leadership to be settled through vindictiveness, populism , sychophancy, homeboyism and clientalism without reference to performance, ideological clarity or capacity to think strategically then you are much easier to divide & conquer. Your mediocrity as a leadership is proportional to the quality of and measured by the diversity & creativity of the team around you. The less diversity & creativity, the more mediocre!

CONFIDENCE isn’t about NUMBERS

Feel as confident in and about yourself, your values, ideas, dreams, vision, mission, beliefs & strategy whether there is a cheering crowd following, there are haters shouting & screaming or you are simply walking alone in the jungles or wildernesses of Life.
If you measure your own satisfaction and success through numbers only, then you are deceived. The most transformative decisions that you will ever make will most likely not have a great number of supporters . Your most successful entrepreneurial endeavour might not be an overnight success. Your most powerful song, book, poem, article or sermon might not be in front of crowds! Succeed with or without crowds and relish it!

DON’T Know Everything & Everyone

Do not be an authority on everything and everyone. Do not seek to know everything or everyone or to be known by them. If you can afford to, avoid serial name-dropping or assuming that you know every person you took a selfie with or are in a WhatsApp group with. Your desire to know or associate with great, famous or wealthy people (Oh good-looking ones too) will land you in the company of thieves, murderers, liars , traffickers and abusers. Success by association isn’t Networking 101 – It is faking it and hoping that you will make it! Distinguish between the two. You cannot as an adult go around telling stories about Selfie or WhatsApp group friends and their success as though you have shares in it. Please grow up and try to do so very quickly! You cannot succeed by Selfie or WhatsApp Social Osmosis.

Thank you for reading, enjoy the rest of your day, week or Year.

FATHERHOOD (being FATHER or a FATHER)

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FATHERHOOD is the most culturally, socially, politically, and spiritually abused and weaponised concept, status and power in the world, but especially in Africa.

It doesn’t matter where you turn everywhere and everyone wants to impose FATHERHOOD or FATHERSHIP on the world around them. Father – Tata – Papa- Baba often used as a term of endearment, honour and respect is now a weapon of oppression, abuse and primitive extraction of personal benefits and power. I call this process or concept FATHERISATION (Fatherism), ‘Paparization’, Babarization or Tatarization of faith, politics, business and society !

But before we discuss the negative consequences of Babarisation, Paparisation or Tatarisation (Fatherism), what is FATHERHOOD? Here is my take :-

HAPPY Belated Father’s day to all my Comrades & brothers across Africa. Fatherhood is lifelong opportunities to put others’ needs before your own, care for another’s physical, spiritual, financial, intellectual & emotional well-being, and practice true unconditional love.

FATHERHOOD creates a deliberate balance between material, emotional, intellectual, ethical, physical& spiritual nourishment that in-turn creates a space, place, freedom & support for children to grow in their interests, choices, values, ideas, faith & character.

FATHERHOOD is Responsible Stewardship & Service to your children. It means service by helping your kids nurture their nature. Ensuring that your actions are helping & not hindering them. Fatherhood – being in service and influencing children- requires skills & patience. You learn fatherhood through observation, studying and doing. Don’t observe the wrong things or read the wrong templates because you will end up practicing the wrong things. If you already are practicing destructive fatherhood, course correct fast! The consequences will haunt you for life. If you hurt or super spoil your kids now, you will have a lifetime of regret and consequences to deal with!.

FATHERHOOD is about setting an example through your own actions, words & thoughts of responsible, compassionate, respectful & productive malehood to your sons & daughters. First as a role model. Hopefully a reliable & trustworthy friend to them when they’re older. You need to maintain balance. Even God says “those whom I Love , I discipline”. Discipline without love is aimless punishment and love without discipline is concealed hatred !

FATHERHOOD is a free – and often forfeited – lifelong graduate Masterclass to learn skills and develop attributes through lessons that are not offered anywhere else in the world. You learn from your children (biological, adopted or co-opted) even as you nurture, guard, guide and inspire them!


FATHERHOOD is LEGACY Building and Preservation. Each of our families is made up of centuries of LEGACY built into a complex tapestry. FATHERHOOD is also, therefore, about living up to that legacy (good or bad). It may also be about creating a NEW LEGACY and broadening parameters of imagination, experience, vision & achievement. It should be about breaking old bad or negative cycles in families, including inter-generational poverty often passed on from one generation to the next.

FATHERHOOD is the bold practice of LOVE. It requires the older to become a student of the younger whom they are nurturing and mentoring. Fatherhood is the ultimate challenge, risk, fear, meaning& the ultimate pleasure in life of any man. Be patient and focused. Your child is your responsibility no matter how much you loathe, despise or regret ever meeting the co-parent. You cannot hate a part of you and be stupid enough to blame this on the Co-parent .

      The circumstances under which your seed became a human don’t matter nor do they diminish your responsibility and accountability one bit. Fatherhood is not a moral position, it is an irrefutable responsibility for, to, through and over your children

      FATHERHOOD is not the Liberal or indisciplined donation of Sperm (consciously or subconsciously) and then being forced to maintain the consequences of your donation or you running away from the responsibility over your seed. MEN; let us be accountable, responsible before & after & not just selfish.

      FATHERHOOD is a key relationship cog to building healthy societies. Its pervasive dysfunction explains why we struggle to fix government, development, and our value systems. You cannot fail to take care of children you sired and then want to defend the interests of “CITIZENS” as a businessman, artist, activist, academic, faith leader, Traditional leader, politicia etc. Who are the “CITIZENS” if not folks raised well or badly by their parents? Folks abandoned, rejected, abused or truly loved and mentored by their fathers? We are trying to fix in the nation what we are destroying each day in every home through irresponsible FATHERHOOD, Fatherism, Paparisation, Babarisation or Tatarization of society. Malehood without an ounce of responsibility or even accountability.

      Brothers, Comrades, Friends : Charity begins at home. Let us change our ways !

      KNOW WHAT WORK IS and ISN’T!

      Brian Kagoro Leave a comment


      Years back I read somewhere that “WORK” is “LOVE” made visible! It really isn’t about how much you are paid or valued or promoted, although these are very important incentives. I really believe in decent pay for decent work, but at some stage the penny must drop for you. Decent is not the same as wealthy nor is it sufficiently comfortable!

      Work is passionate or enjoyable service and not just the “Unfortunate thing or profession” that you were trained to do! In fact, even if you were not formally trained for it, you can build “MASTERY” in it! Here is the scary bit though, most work cannot meet your vision and version of a comfortable life, Let alone cashflow or cash flood expectations!

      You cannot become wealthy by working overtime for someone else! Stop trying to squeeze water out of an iron bar or rock!

      Let me repeat for the umpteenth time and for the benefit of those who hear things only when they have been repeated several times:

      Work, a job or employment is not a war zone where you go to do mortal combat, professional wrestling, taekondo or Kung fu with workmates and bosses. It is not a grudge match. Your job is not to grieve, belittle, outshine or win over anyone of your colleagues. It is to collaborate , co-create and mutually empower each other as a TEAM.

      A job isn’t a beauty contest either where you must always be the best looking, most made up and etcetera. What is the point of amassing crowns in someone else’s castle? Get or build your own!

      A job isn’t a monogamous marriage run on “till death do us part” principle. Don’t die for a job or in a job, it is not your company and don’t start feeling entitled; you’re not a shareholder! You’re a contract worker O! And contracts do sadly come to an end.

      Work or a job is not a life jail sentence to which you have been condemned without the option of parole. It can easily become draining hard labour and a thankless waste of precious youth or middle age time! If you’re in your 30s, 40s or 50s then you’re in the danger zone and soon you might just be a bitter retiree who never fully explored their options beyond that one painful or exhausting work experience. You never know what you can truly and fully do professionally until you explore!

      NB. The above is as true for jobs as it is for any membership in any organisation or any relationship. What doesn’t or hasn’t grown you will most likely stagnate, retard or kill you in more ways than one. The problem is not the organisation, relationships or job, It is YOU! If you’re not cactus or succulents you will never grow to your full potential in desert sand or rocky soils. Certain crops or flowers require certain climates, soil types, moisture or sunlight to grow. What kind of plant are you and what are your growth – not comfort or preference – imperatives?

      SHUT UP or PUT UP!
      If you won’t quit your job , relationship, friendship or organisation, then please SHUT or PUT UP! Don’t spread toxicity by describing your unhappiness that you are unwilling to solve everyday and to everyone.

      DO IT FOR YOU!
      Have you ever worked somewhere or for someone or been in something for so long that you begin to think and behave like a co-owner? YES, there is a very thin line between ‘Responsible Stewardship’ and subconscious ‘Entitlement’.

      If work or a job starts destroying you emotionally and physically or causing you mental health issues: Quit! One day you will be fired & what you’re fighting so hard to keep will be taken away. Don’t ever fear leaving a job or starting a new one. Do it for you.

      EXCUSES, STORIES, EXCUZES!

      Please never give the lame excuse of mortgage, children’s school fees or personal obligations as an explanation for staying in a toxic work environment or with an abusive or even just manipulative Boss. Look in the mirror & see the only excuse with all its fears.

      Please spare us that garbage about not finishing something that you started many years ago or recently at work as your excuse for not leaving. Who do you think you are? If you die or become incapacitated do you think the company will shut down? Get real O!

      Be careful about an unbalanced or infantile notion of loyalty. Some people are so genuine, naive or simply nervous that they cannot and will not quit jobs because “when I was nothing, these guys took me in, took care of me, taught me everything that I know and always treated me like family.”

      Good for them and good for you! Listen, loyalty is not physical presence, it is conscious value of something or someone. Even the most loyal daughter or son does leave home to stay on their own, to establish their own home, to get married or to pursue their own dreams! Don’t burn bridges when you leave, but leave if you have to! In my experience, the only child that never leaves their parents home may have issues or the parents have issues! Don’t be a drama queen when you intend to leave and don’t do snakes, ladders and dice games. Be open, courteous, grateful, assertive and transparent!

      BUT leave. SHOW growth and retain GRATITUDE. Remember: Loyalty is seen in service and not bandage of servitude!

      WHAT IS YOUR OWN STORY ?

      Brian Kagoro Leave a comment



      FANTASY LIVES

      No one can silence you from dreaming or sharing your dreams. You have a democratic right to fantasize about any aspect of life. In fact, many people live more out of their fantasies and memories than present day reality. If you’re so unfortunate to be their friend, sibling, workmate or neighbour, you will be drowned in make-believe lifestyles or stories.

      Fantasizing helps some people to deal with reality or simply to dull pain, loss, fear, inadequacy and confusion. They make up love

      Betrayal, success, greatness, friendship and happiness stories. These people can magnify or amplify a small thing, fleeting experiences, casual encounters with famous or rich people or events into Hollywood, Bollywood & Nollywood blockbuster combined in one with all the requisite stunts, sound effects, emotional expressions and backgrounds!

      Sometimes people make up missing people in their lives i.e fathers, mothers, siblings, uncles, aunties, lovers etc) or create past realities that never ever happened e.g. trips, holidays, gifts, fights etc!

      Others auto edit their past to remove poverty, dysfunction, abuse, rejection and even some unpalatable relatives and moments! Other people change their ethnic, racial and other such attribute.

      Look your history is perfect in its imperfections. You don’t need a perfect past to be the perfect you. This stuff is real folks! People that fantasize a lot often become conmen, public figures, creatives or simply fantastic writers. A majority become avid politicians or activists for some cause! There is a very thin line between serial liars and serial fantasies!

      Serial Fantasies are often a sign of delusions of grandeur, great creativity or a narcissistic disorder. Fantasy Manics are likely to be extremely sensitive, vindictive, needy, moody or downright abusive.

      Let me sum it up for you :-

      (a) They don’t really care about you, your thoughts, feels and personal vision. You have the same worth to them as a selfie , pendant, piece of jewellery, perfume or antic artifact! You are held very close because you fit the frame of their fantasies. You either have the right family background, educational qualifications, artistic talent, looks, social media profile or you pay them homage regularly. You are showered with attention and gifts in order to keep you enslaved, to enslave you or in order not to allow you to worship at any other altar.

      (b) Fantasy Manics are the centre of their own universe and they worship themselves and expect everyone else to love, adore or worship them! Don’t you dare bow to their nonsensical delusions, because if you do, you will be manipulated from here to Gujarat, Timbuktu, Hawaii or Honolulu!

      Call this abnormality out. Please don’t normalise the abnormal! Start with yourself though. Move yourself from information and image peddling to practical personal transformation and growth .

      INFORMATION vs. PRACTICAL LIVED EXPERIENCE

      Turn book, Internet and TV information into locally relevant and practically applied knowledge!

      I have met plenty people that can eloquently describe how to make money, build wealth or even influence. They can talk about the law, politics, health , education, technology, spirituality, music, arts and culture, leadership, service, environmental consciousness, recycling, integrity, parenting, marriage and etcetera. After I have been impressed by the eloquent articulation, I have always asked how many times , in how many places and for how long have they have done what they have just talked about.

      What have been the five major results for other people and for yourself? Where can I get evidence of this great set of achievements from at least five different people ? At that stage the eloquent often start describing sermons, meetings and workshops or just start to stammer!

      Friends, it is possible to write books about leadership based on other people’s stories and experiences. You can talk about great miracles, blessings and wonders referencing other people’s experiences and achievements. You can take anecdotes about leadership, saving, investment from Rich Dad /Poor Dad , John C. Maxwell , Covey,etc cram and regurgitate them eloquently. BUT doing and saying are two different things and I dare say experiences. In other words , WHAT IS YOUR OWN STORY?

      INSTANT SUCCESS

      You can start something and be an overnight success. You can make a song and it becomes a global hit. You can start a movement and it captures public attention like a wild fire. You can say the right things and even become a struggle icon or poster child. You can make one investment decision and strike it rich. BUT instant success without a sustainability formula can destroy you more than repeated earlier failures.

      NO ONE CAN TEACH YOU SUCCESS!

      The greatest teachers on any subject are not the insanely eloquent, flashy or even celebrated. It’s men and women who have tasted failure several times and made costly mistakes that they have owned up to. No one can teach how to succeed really, BUT there are people out there that can teach you how to handle the very cold winter of failure, rejection, loss and eroded self-confidence.

      So, I always ask great leaders two questions:
      (a) Have you ever failed in life, if so, how, when & why ?


      (b) What lessons did you learn from your failures and how did you rebound from it?

      We celebrate a boxer for their triumph in a 15-round bout of boxing and forget how many months and hours of preparatory pain it takes. We celebrate a Sprinter that breaks a world record in under 10 seconds and totally forget that the few seconds victory took months to prepare for. In preparation, what you do everyday matters as much as what you eat, say and think. Feed yourself the right stuff, say and do stuff aligned to your dreams!

      PLEASE ABEG, DO !

      My friend, you most probably know too much about many very important things but you are either broke , broken or are about to break!

      Do, don’t make up ideal pasts, create an ideal future. The things or people you didn’t have growing up created opportunities for imagining a future not based on past deficits but optimums.

      -Don’t make up friends, lovers and great connections: deliberately build them. People don’t really care whether you’re great or not, but folks will respect your hustle, your talent, passion and authenticity!

      -Fantasies can be turned into something awesome and rewarding if you invest time and skill. Stop describing the ideal , do it , try it and be vulnerable enough to accept that you may fail spectacularly! What is there to lose given your current true status? Not social media status – real state of your finances, relationships and self-confidence!

      -If your level of knowledge and quality of life are miles apart, it doesn’t make any sense at all. Truth is, you don’t have bad luck at all. No one bewitched you! You are like someone that buys a fully-kitted gas heater or stove and freezes because of the cold or starves to death because they have the manuals but somehow are afraid to ignite the heater or stove. You have all the resources and even the need to turn your wonderful theories into practice. BUT you are not focused or disciplined enough to take the journey from FANTASIES to practical ACTION! You are not sure, you fear taking baby steps because you fear falling? Falling is part of learning to WALK by yourself. SO, please STOP this your THEORISING and DO! Fail whilst doing ! Who knows, you might just succeed!

      Built by Love, Solidarity and Patience

      Brian Kagoro Leave a comment



      1. KNOWING ME: I would never have truly known myself were it not for my family, friends, colleagues, and Comrades. Each of them has helped to expose the excellent, great, good, bad, ugly, inelegant, underdeveloped, backward, immature aspects of me. I cannot say that each word, act, or aspect of this self-discovery journey has been comfortable or nice. Some have occurred with unbelievable unpleasantness, disappointment, betrayal, loss, or abuse. Yes, please write this down …..siblings, friends, comrades, workmates, and lovers can be extremely abusive. You most probably also are and folks haven’t dared to tell you!

      2. MANY EXAMPLES & LIVING ROLE MODELS – Each day I have the privilege to learn from great Africans (known, unknown, and yet to be known). Some of my role models are younger than me, others my age, and others are older. I refused to learn only from the perfect and experienced. I have phenomenal teachers and living examples of excellence, commitment, compassion, integrity, genius, joy, and authenticity cutting across different classes, sexes, nationalities, faiths, and ages. I have learned to openly admire great abilities, capabilities, talents, personality, and character. I have learned to tell people that they are great, even when I disagree with them, their approach, and their point of view. I have also learned to tell anybody and everybody that cares to listen about how well many people I have encountered are. When I realized that I didn’t have to be the greatest at everything and every time, I couldn’t stop seeing greatness in other people and supporting it!

      3. THE REFLECTION OF THE LOVE of others. I am, therefore, the product of endless kindness, generosity, mercy, compassion, patience, solidarity and selfless friendship! I cannot help but be eternally grateful to life, God, family, friends, and Comrades.

      Each part of my life is a reflection of their love. There is a lot that I have and continue to do for myself, but yoh! The brick and mortar that others have put in would take me 100 years to enumerate. They have built me with questions, suggestions, insults, rebukes, words of inspiration, sharp criticism, sometimes unfair rumors, and lies. Every single one of these building materials makes for a stronger me.

      4. TAUGHT & MADE BY MANY: I am grateful to hundreds of thousands of great human beings who over the years have knowingly and unknowingly taught me life skills, professional skills, everyday skills. Taught me to type, drive, walk, speak, think critically, pray forgive, love&laugh. I have had many mentors – (we all do) from the day we were born many hands do the work of God and weave us into the neat packages presented at each next stage of life. Don’t ever try and take credit alone for the success of any person. You are not the only builder that has fashioned the end product. Have the humility to know and acknowledge this! There are many truths that you do not know about your Mentees!

      5. MATURITY- Pasca Tawonezvi used to say – “Does not ring an alarm or bell”. You don’t need anyone to tell you that you are now a grown-up and you should stop acting your shoe size or behaving like a wannabe Hollywood, Bollywood or Nollywood celebrity!

      Remember that IMMATURITY in any human being has several attributes, including:-
      (a) An abiding sense of entitlement&Selfishness. You think and believe that your parents, siblings, family, friends must give you what you want because you’re related to them or have a relationship with them? You’re are very selfish! You keep talking and you never give unless it serves your selfish desire for profile or PR

      (b) A desire for instant gratification. Everything must happen now with no regard to reality or process. This is why you are easily deceived, because you want instant wealth, fame, power, etc with neither method, strategy nor work ??

      (c) Endless demands not backed up own work, effort, discipline, or innovation. It’s always dreaming that someone else ( a Blesser, Parent, Sibling, Boss, etc) must pay for. Some even make babies and plan grand marriages or holidays on other people’s budgets

      (d) Childish Joy or Happiness derived from seeing, doing, or having things. This desire for trinkets to hide emptiness is the highest form of hollow and shallow living

      (e) Childish Tantrums or manifesting against anyone and everyone that calls your bluff or challenges you or refuses or rejects you. Adults know that the reality of life comes with inevitable rejection, loss, denial, refusal, and yes sometimes failure and lack. Grow up and Get used to this reality.

      (f) Constantly comparing yourself to & competing with others. When your identity is solely based on being better than the next person, then you have a very deep ocean of personal insecurities. Be enough in yourself. Beat you at everything and not other people. Help other people achieve their dreams & visions.

      (g) LIES and MADE UP stories. Immature folks sometimes tell the dumbest lies and for absolutely no reason. You cannot lie to yourself to rock star status, legend, or sainthood. Someday the lies will outpace you or some people will take you too seriously and discover that you’re nothing but a hoax, a fraud! Some even gain the courage of lying about talking to God, the Holy Spirit, or important people in this world. Please come down to earth, greatness is not a fake weave or false teeth. You have to work and earn it!

      (h) Gullibility: How is it that you are so gullible? Listen, don’t be cynical but do not be naive either. If you’re mature, question everything and everyone!

      (i) MANIPULATION and OBSESSIVE CONTROL – immature people thrive on emotional, intellectual, psychological, economic, social, and political blackmail. They try and make other people feel guilty for not satisfying their childish fantasies, sense of entitlement, megalomania, narcissism, etc. They never want you to know, interact with, or experience life except according to what they dictate or direct. This is neither attention nor care oo, it is an emotional and mental health condition. Ask yourself, am I manipulative and controlling or am I being manipulated and controlled? Seek change urgently!

      NB. Don’t waste life criticizing people simply because you differ from them. Recognize greatness in others so that your own may echo through theirs!

      DO NOT PROCRASTINATE, PAY UPFRONT

      Brian Kagoro Leave a comment





      Let me repeat what the late Pastor Zivanai D. Manyika (one of my great mentors & friend – ZD) taught me. I was a young lawyer with many accolades and more blind spots. I was very sure of many things and knew a lot less than I thought.

      We have countries, communities, families, individuals, churches, mosques and NGOs that live way beyond their means. All of us owe emotional, nutritional, spiritual, cultural, professional, physical, intellectual, relational, familial and financial debts. Every dimension of life demands of us a price, certain risks and sacrifices. It demands that we give or give away somethings in order to receive other things or factors of greater value.

      You see, many things that parents and mentors say to you only make sense much later in life. One thing I did though, was that I listened to all my mentors attentively. Each of them was like seasoning of a different type. Some were honey, others chilli 🌶 , others garlic or ginger. Mentors help to chisel characters.

      ZD would hold his head in hands and say in a deeply reflective manner: “Baba, in Life, if there is any price, risk or sacrifice for anything – pay it upfront….. no matter how costly or painful it may seem. Delay or procrastination costs much more”. It only made partial sense then as ZD spoke. When I was on my own, a stream of contradictory thoughts would race through my head. Sometimes I would ask myself kuti ‘surely, if you cannot afford something that you want immediately, you simply buy it on hire purchase’.

      Why choose the hard path when there are plenty easier options? I always thought. The country (Zimbabwe) was prosperous then and many young professionals lived LaVida on borrowed (hire purchases) clothes, cars, household furniture,etc. ZD insisted and I listened to his difficult, challenging & indigestible wisdom & instructions: Pay Upfront, Pay Now or Pay Soon!

      As a result, I avoided unnecessary debt and when I look back, I also avoided unnecessary future pain, suffering & loss by paying for many things upfront ( be it career, studying, working hard, reading, friendships,etc). I still do!

      Here are the reasons why:

      1. Some of your present pain, your condition, your losses, your struggles etc is as a result of costs that you deferred payment or refused to pay when it would have been less painful to do so! It is about personal growth needs & imperatives that you tried to avoid, evade or ignore! Your pain is the outcome of both CHOICES that you made and those that you deferred or outsourced (to lovers, friends, parents, relatives, workmates or Comrades) .

      2. Some of your stories of survival, your relationship Wahala/Nyayas/matata/shida (trouble) and the mess that you blame other people for are truly things you have repeatedly refused to risk, sacrifice or simply change. You want everyone, everything and even God to change to your own selfish, childish, delusional and unsustainable image of life. All legitimate victory comes after battle or competitition, preparation and some significant measure of pain, loss, discomfort, inconvenience. My brother, my sister, my friend, Comrade – pay the cost now! Risk and sacrifice now!

      3. You substituted playing/fun for studying in high school or university and you think that you are cursed or have bad luck? No, you have a bad attitude, poor sense of priorities, are undisciplined, lazy or you just feel too sorry for yourself! You may even be delusional or simply carry a silly sense of entitlement! Lose it quickly, I mean -that toxic silliness!

      4. THINK : about the seemingly menial job you were unwilling to do, the extra school work or degree you thought you could always do in the future, the business that you did not have the discipline and focus to sustainably build ; the course on language, coding or whatever that you despised or deferred? Ultimately, You will pay with the poor quality of life and diminishing opportunities.

      Unfortunately, no amount of Prayer or lucky charms, no Blesser, Prophet, Marabou nor Sangoma can make you to totally avoid carrying your own cross.

      Pay Now!

      There are people who never had the opportunities for education, self-development, career advancement, and beneficial self-employment because they were too poor to afford these or were discriminated against by the system and so on and so forth – BUT You, your Case is different! You decided or failed to decide!

      5. If you don’t read, learn and act now when you have the time, strength & opportunities – you will be forced by life to do so when neither time, strength nor opportunity are available. It is called sacrifice of Foolishness! Please Pay Now !

      6. If you do not practice depriving yourself certain conveniences, comforts and privileges, you will unnecessarily suffer later on in life. It is as true for drink/food/diet choices and disease outcomes, as it is for hardwork and professional development. Practice pain and suffering (walk, run, jog, go to the gym, learn a new language, learn to drive, to fly, to swim, to sing, to play an instrument well, learn to cook, to code, to build, to make something with your hands, to write, to analyse….whatever). PayNow!

      Avoid paying the prices of life with exorbitant interest rates in the future!

      7. If you get away with lying about people, things and places and people believe your nonsensical lies (play-acting or pretense); change quickly when there is still time. There are places where your lying will not work for you, where playing naive or victim will have absolutely no currency at all. There are places and times where and when your lack of integrity and accountability will cost you everything! STOP talking BIG or pretending that you’re at levels that you are not at or that you are an expert on stuff that you know very little about . PUT substance to your posturing: study, read and enskill your passio!

      8. If you’re the lazy type that gets siblings, parents, friends, workmates and strangers to do all the work – so that you can steal their work, efforts or credit: Change! Start working, thinking and doing. If all you have ever had to do until now was to turn on your charm volume & taps, there are places where charm and PR are not enough. Places where people want something meaningful and substantive beyond a feel good moment or a truckload of clichés and platitudes. There are places where your laziness or hollowness will take centre-stage and a big spotlight will be shone on it. No amount of English or French or good accent will suffice. These are places where your cleverness and smart posturing will make you look like the platinum standard of world foolishness!Please pay now!

      9. Life is not waiting for you to grow up, to become more responsible, to mature beyond acquisition of things, positions and titles.

      10. Peoples’ lives, time and everything else is moving on ! So, if you were the village( township or suburb) beauty or diva …move on !

      11. If you were the high-school (or University) hero or genius, reference point of excellence and achievement, pathfinder, pacesetter, first this or that -move on ! If you were the most sought after, wanted, intelligent, handsome, powerful or sexy – Move on!

      12. Grow up: set and achieve new milestones and everyday/year/decade successe, build new memories, create new value, push yourself to become the best version of your self as of today and not yesterday!

      13. PIn Your Life: if there is any PRICE, COMMITMENT, SACRIFICE or RISK that requires doing or paying : PAY UPFRONT!
      Deferred cost, living Life on hire purchase means that you will pay a lot more. Sometimes you may even have to pay such deferred costs with your Life, your health, your job and your relationships. Don’t be foolish – pay upfront for your needs, desires, ambition and vision.