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Hold On or Let Go!
Love and Transformation
- The Power of Love
Love is a doing word. It is never an inactive emotion. Love’s power is always in action and work; it is in responding with ability and creating with meticulous care.
In all dimensions of life, we often underestimate the power of love. Be it in business, politics, social struggle, or social justice. You know why? It is, in part, because we think that only facts and evidence impel informed action. We are indoctrinated to believe that without evidence there can be no rational or informed action. In other words, that evidence alone enables rational action. Having immersed ourselves in this partially true assumption, we then get confused and angry that, after presenting copious amounts of evidence, the people or market are not responsive. In our ideological immaturity, we start scapegoating or abusing the people and/or the market for lacking commonsense, taste, a sense of urgency (or agency), and discernment.
Look, people are cognitive, emotive, and spiritual beings who reside in a physical body. You have to learn to move or motivate them in all 3 dimensions of their being. They reason through certain things and feel through others. Connect with them holistically.
- Tragedy and Victimhood as Motivation?
In social justice and political spaces , people merchandise suffering and tragedy as the premises of their leadership legitimacy. Something along these lines, “I suffered the most, and therefore I have the natural or divine right to govern or rule” . As a result, the ridiculous political beauty pageantry of victimhood now dominates the spaces and places of the leadership search. Only the wounded, hurt , broken, and victimised have legitimacy. Those who never suffered – no matter how skilled or competent to lead – are treated with suspicion. Having experienced ill-treatment and some suffering myself, I can see how this trend replicates a path that led Africa to a capture by a liberator generation that assumed a divine right to rule because they had liberated us . Liberation contributions as the excuse or justification of autocratic Kleptocracy? Everyone must reject the reincarnation of this ideological aberration.
- Normalisation of the Abnormal
It is not only tragedy, pain , loss , and pressure that move people to fight for freedom and against oppression , to innovate to solve their social and economic conditions. It is possible for oppressed people to normalise their abnormal situation of oppression using spiritualism or such other false consciousness.
4. Genuine Freedom is the outcome of love for self, for country, for continent, and for humanity.
Love is a necessary precondition of transformative revolution. It is the best lens for defining just causes. Always ask yourself, “What do I love so much that I am willing to fight for ?” This could be something that you love about yourself, your community, your country, and your continent. Something that you are passionate about, care about and value most?
Have a clear mental picture of the things that you value . Analyse the systems, people, and interests threatening to erode or destroy these. Build the moral outrage and political consciousness to fight for what you love and value. Don’t only fight from a point of outrage without first developing a transformational strategy for battle. Lest after you have defeated the destroyers of what you value and love, you only achieve the creation of a more destructive moral, political, and economic vacuum or renewed quo.Use your strategy to develop tactics and a narrative. Tell stories that inspire others with hope and courage to join the cause
5. The Pitfall of Anger as the Cause
Excessive anger at a person, group, or system can consume common sense. Avoid being driven by anger; it can blind you to both danger and opportunity. Anger is always momentary; true transformation is love in action.
Those Closest to the River
Introduction:
There are many people living on the shores of lakes, rivers, and oceans who cannot swim. They are the sons and daughters of teachers who can barely read or write, and the descendants of clergy who have no faith. There are also those with employment contracts and work desks that do not work at all. When something is easily accessible or abundant, it is often taken for granted. Africa has an abundance of underground water, arable land, beautiful forests, precious wood, amazing rivers, lakes, and oceans, and let’s not forget clean air!
The Sun, Water, and Excessive Complacency
Despite having plenty of sunshine in Africa, our public sectors, lending institutions, and entrepreneurs have not invested much in solar energy and related product developments. We import solar panels from Italy, Sweden, China, and Canada. Why don’t we invest in our own continent?
Apart from baptisms and various spiritual or cultural rituals, subsistence fisherfolk, and locals washing their clothes, we have not made conscious efforts to develop sustainable local economies around our water bodies. We have also failed to accurately map the extent and limits of our transboundary water bodies and underground water supply. Our spirituality and cultural reawakening must also have economic prudence, otherwise we will impoverish ourselves with emotional spiritualism and unproductive culturalism. Spirituality and culture should always promote and nurture sustainable life and growth!
Those who live closest to Africa’s water wealth, such as rivers, oceans, lakes, streams, springs, etc., take water for granted. They do not build wells or drill boreholes, and they do not develop creative economies around rivers. Sadly, when severe droughts occur, these individuals are the most vulnerable and unprepared. It is their excessive complacency, lack of foresight, and lack of creativity that leads to their poverty and vulnerability. They are poor not because of scarcity, but because of complacency. They need to form cooperatives to manage water resources and build economies around them. Yes, historical and ongoing power imbalances contribute to their situation, but they must also take ownership of their lack of national wisdom, long-term thinking, and sustainability consciousness.
Infantile Preoccupations
Unpreparedness, wastefulness, and complacency are only a part of the African development challenge and mindset. The other part can be attributed to “infantile preoccupations.” Leaders in all sectors are often obsessed with immature consumption desires, similar to little children. Rather than investing in solar plants and water security infrastructure, leaders focus on building new multi-million dollar parliament buildings and stadiums. When knowledgeable individuals propose solutions for electricity, energy, health, education, and sanitation crises, petty government officials often demand hefty bribes to facilitate national solutions. Entire governing party officials establish systems to embezzle development funds for personal gain or election campaigns. This is childish stupidity! Infantile consumerism has become prevalent in African business, politics, religion, and civil society. If you, as a wealthy individual, want to help, why not invest in infrastructure, production sites, or places that enable people to create value, add value, or produce useful goods for their daily lives and for export?
When we were…
When we were naive, starry-eyed dreamers in high school, we couldn’t be defeated or deflated! Across the world, young and immature adults live their lives comparing and competing with others. They constantly strive to beat the next person, to win against them, to be better, to have as much money or property, to look as good or better, and so on.
When we were young, we believed in all sorts of people and things, myths and fables! We were easily swayed by ultra-religiosity and ideological fancies. In our own minds and world, we considered ourselves “revolutionaries”. Being young is great, but being realistic is significant!
When we were young, there were people who were considered good-looking/beautiful, celebrity DJs, sports persons, actors, scholars, and model leaders in junior and secondary school. These individuals became well-known, perhaps even famous, in the area. Some came from prominent or supposedly wealthy families. They were our leaders in mischief and drove or were driven in fancy cars. However, without understanding mathematics or excelling in sciences, they assumed their parents were rich because they owned things. These young ones lived extravagantly, spending their parents’ wealth with abandon. We also had evangelists, prophets, pastors, muftis, and imams. Each area of endeavor had plenty of wannabes.
Then there were petty thugs, pimps, small-time drug peddlers, notorious paupers who wasted their parents’ hard-earned school fees trying to be gangsters or high school idols in hip-hop or R&B. There were also players and girls who discovered their sexuality and sensuality during puberty or adolescence. Junior and high school cultures have progressively become hyper-sexualized, criminal, rough, and rowdy over the last 35 years or so. But I digress. Petty thugs helped the spoiled rich boys and girls infiltrate the ghetto with fake Euro-American accents and a desire for a wealthy lifestyle. Both groups educated each other in drug abuse and debauchery. They partied as if they were in movies, living as if they had endless lives and boundless wealth. These friendships were unproductive. People hung out, drinking, smoking, and engaging in all sorts of activities while talking about big dreams that never materialized… a make-believe fantasy world. It’s a pity if you are married to, friends with, or siblings of someone from this group.
Poor ghetto guys believed they would become rich by associating with spoiled rich brats, and the spoiled rich brats believed they would become streetwise by associating with ghetto kings and queens. Kids make up reality as they go along. However, parents also overcompensate and create fantasies about their children. Who doesn’t want their children to be successful, beautiful, rich, famous, and intelligent? The ridiculous things parents are willing to ignore or overlook in order to live in their fantasy world. Oh, Mama, Papa, see your daughter or son for who they really are, not what you fantasize them to be!
Rich girls ended up with broke ghetto players, and rich boys became addicted to well-raised, hard-working ghetto sisters and gold diggers. After all, the social ladder is for climbing, and descending, isn’t it? Everyone wanted something different from what they were accustomed to. Different neighborhoods, different schools, different social classes. The ghetto had soul, while the suburbs had quiet moments and spaces.
Fast forward to now, those from the ghetto have ended up in the suburbs while the rich still search for soul in the ghetto. Ironically, the ghetto now monopolizes the suburbs with its vibes, habits, cuisine, and clear sounds. The accents in the ghetto are more middle class and foreign than those in the suburbs. Is it due to TV, social media, or films?
I remember when we were young, we had crushes on people we rarely glance at now. Those we considered geniuses have average intelligence and moderate accomplishments. Our high school sports and social icons are, frankly, nobody. The so-called “A-Listers” don’t even make the list. When we were young, we never thought we would change or that life would change. We felt fresh (or thought we did), we were strong, full of hope, energy, and dreams.
When we were young, we didn’t understand why our parents demanded that we optimize our time, work hard, and avoid corrupting friendships. We didn’t understand why we needed to wait to indulge in certain things, activities, and fantasies. We didn’t understand how each action we took or failed to take would shape our present loves. We didn’t accept that all choices have consequences! Yes, when we were young, we loved material things, admired temporary stuff, consumed everything we earned, and wanted instant gratification.
But my friend, life isn’t short at all if you make bad choices in your youth and live with the consequences in adulthood! When we were young, we believed we would be forever young. Here we are, neither young nor old enough. But now we know better!
Walking Alone Amongst a Crowd
- Introduction: No One Can Drink Immodium for Your Running Tummy!
All pain is personally experienced even when collectively witnessed or shared. Impact is always differentiated and uneven. The same could be said of pressure and pleasure. The same act, thing or process that gives one the thrills also scares or bores another to death.
Even if I gave you a step-by-step guide, how-to toolbox and the latest app on pain, pressure, and pleasure management, you still will experience your own it your own way. Neither riches, fame, good looks, religiosity, intelligence nor love can totally immunise all aspects of your life from inevitable pressures, pleasures and pains of being a living being.
- The Best-Selling Books Don’t Tell You Everything About Leadership Situations and Human Feelings
There are countless Leadership manuals about good, supportive and healthy relationships( personal, political, social and economic). Any person that loves and accompanies their pregnant personal person into a labour ward in order to give birth does not themselves experience labour pains (plural). They witness the agony of birthing life and joy from close range. They may even shed a tear. But the most that they can do is to emphathise, hold their loved one’s hand, say some dumb(but soothing) anecdotal or cliché stuff.
Presence and empathy does not, cannot and will not take away the pain nor do love gestures actually. They make inevitable pain bearable ! The Leadership journey is often very lonely and painful, even when you have crowds of people around you and sometimes cheering you on. As a leader your stock-in-trade is skillful judgment (the ability to decide upon consideration of evidence, and context), communication, connection and empathy. In Leadership, there are emotional , psychological and intellectual acres and kilometers where you just have to walk alone , to carry your own cross and own it . There are moments of adversity that will test your sanity , fortitude and resolve . In such moments you are paradoxically inadequate and enough at the same time; surrounded by a great team and alone ; visionary and doubtful ; wounded and raring to go. These are what I call ‘Sweet and Sour ,Chilli Sweet moments’
- No Exemptions from Chilli-Sweet Situations and Feelings
Books on Empathetic, Situational, Performative, collaborative, servant, Level 5 or 20X Leadership often do not and cannot tell you how you will feel when doing or going through unavoidable leadership situations and processes that are chilli-sweet. You just have to experience it for yourself. Don’t be fooled, the fact that you experienced something similar before or elsewhere doesn’t make the present experience less painful, let alone less emotionally or mentally exhausting. You often get this feeling of pain, frustration, exhaustion and anger when you are empathetic and actually care about those that you lead, as well as the issues, situations or causes involved. Unfortunately my friends, good attitude or positive outlook does not exempt you at all from feeling these ‘Sweet and sour’ or chilli-sweet feelings .
- Hero, Villain and Fool – All-in-One !
Unpleasant or painful situations oftentimes generate woundedness and unpleasantness in people. When disruption or unpleasant things happen in any organisation, movement , family or community, folks need a scapegoat . As a leader you are the most convenient candidate or target ( it is a risk of the trade) . When folks are frustrated , you are to them ( justifiably or not) the proverbial fool at the top who is responsible for all that is bad and incapable of thinking things through . At this stage of leadership you forfeit your right to be heard , believed or presumed innocent until proven guilty. At worst, you maybe characterised as the mortal enemy of progress that must be fought or resisted at all costs . Wear your elephant skin during this period because many piercing words will be aimed at you . During this period be very wary of toxic positivity , that is dangerous escapism from the reality of the mess that you’re in .
Occasionally though, you maybe equated to Santa Klaus , candy person or ice-cream supplier that brings gifts, sweetness and goodies. I hate to say this , crowds are fickle. Even Jesus Christ knew this. The same crowds that welcomed him on palm Sunday wanting to make him king as he rode a donkey into Jerusalem, were a few days later chanting “crucify him” as he bore his own cross .Remember dear leader that the very same people will instinctively place you in very different boxes or categories based on how they feel about the situation, a process , themselves, their colleagues or the organisation. So quit trying to play ice-cream man ,candy woman or Santa . Lead by ideas , purpose and conviction, have clarity about the kind of Leadership that your situation demands .
- Survivors or Comrades Guilt
Unless you are totally heartless, thoughtless, and bloodless , whatever touches your colleagues, peers and team is likely to also deeply move , pain ,and affect you (psychologically and emotionally). It is likely to affect you more if you cannot do anything to change the situation, process or outcome. This helplessness in the face of the other’s loss, or pain engenders sympathy and guilt. You are likely to feel that somehow you didn’t do enough , that you were not there for your team ,that you betrayed them by your inaction or let them down somehow. This Survivors guilt needs to be addressed and faced . Don’t deny it , hide from facing it , or pretend that you’re not feeling it. Whatever you do , please do not try to over compensate ! You will feel like crap, totally drained emotionally and isolated.
- Reflect (don’t deflect) in order to Move Forward
When you begin to experience the effects of ‘Chilli-sweet’ survivors guilt , this is the best place to begin deep reflection , straregizing and innovating . Take a pause , find yourself in order to retrace your leadership path ! Get intellectual and emotional electrolytes for the rest of the journey . Reach out to and support your Comrades , Peers and Team knowing that too much time spent grieving or greeting may be lost time to your cause or finding alternatives . But not everyone will accept you or your offer for support. Accept and Own that too !
CONCLUSION : Wisdom of the Eldership
In January 2000, I went to see Dr. Goodwill Shana about a thorny socio-political issue .At the time , I sought his , the late most affable Rev. Charles Chiriseri and Bishop Mutume’s counsel about how best to approach a highly sensitive and polarizing national process . There was drama everywhere and as you know people often become thorny when hurting. Dr. Shana – after exchanging pleasantries and hearing my cause- offered me a cup of tea (I am not a tea person at all). He then said as we sat down to a cup of tea : “All salt is salty and all sugar is sweet, but you and I have different taste buds. Food that you want to add salt to maybe too salty for me. And the sugar that you add may be too little or too much for someone else. Each tongue tastes salt or sugar for itself. But we are drinking tea together. This not just about preference, it may be a medical/ health issue”.
Rev. Charles Chiriseri was an amazing asset to civil society in Zimbabwe and a fountain of wisdom. He had a unique laugh and was always empathetic. Given the innumerable incidents of toxicity and backstabbing amongst social actors ,he said to me ,”Brian, remember that the seeds for the destruction of anything born out of malice , rebellion , competition ,and deceit are contained in the very thing itself”.
Bishop Mutume was a revered and infectiously humorous elderly Catholic sage residing in Mutare at the time. I travelled 3 hours to go and see him. As our tradition demands, when I arrived to see him, I went into elaborate greetings. At some stage he interrupted me and said , ” Kagoro, stop it, by the time you’re done with all this elaborate greeting and small talk, what you came here to solve will have worsened. Wavingeyi ? (what brings you this far my son)”.
Cut the ritual, get to the point and start doing what will move you from a pity-party, survivors guilt or a sense of inadequacy to transformative strategy. Remember though that your tastes or take on stuff may for good reason be very different from the next person. Whatever you do, avoid malice, it contains self-destruction seeds in itself !
Difference that leads to Sameness or Default Settings
Be very careful about making your mentors or platinum standard people whose philosophy of life, attitudes, advice, and general approach has been framed by greed, selfishness, narcissistic disorder, abuse, loss, guilt, bitterness and/or rejection. The sound’s very fresh , practical , compelling , easily doable , uplifting, logical, different and unbelievably attractive….too good to be true. And you are like, this is the real stuff, why didn’t I do this way before now ?
BUT this poisonous self-indulgent, here and now alluring advice ultimately leads to that same dark place, namely :
- Self-abuse, abuse of others and abuse by others which in the end results in :-
- Loss
- Guilt
- More bitterness
- Rejection
- Emotional fragility
- Negativity
BUT for a short while it would have made you feel emotionally and psychologically high, you are so happy with yourself that you become both a disciple and evangelist of the self-destructive philosophy. However, it does sting, bite or pierce in the end or at some time. At that time, it is too late to regret or change course .
If you want joy in your life, make up your philosophy of life based on the future you want to build whilst acknowledging the scars that made you bitter, fragile, afraid or strong and determined. Acknowledge the grief, loss and pain of life, don’t make it a philosophy, it is an experience and not a monument or memorial detention centre for your emotions and soul .
Friend, lay that weight aside and spare yourself entrapment by the same behavioral patterns, attitudes and reasoning that reproduces your pain, wounds and fears on steroids ! PLEASE avoid antics , thinking and behavior that masquerades as difference but ultimately leads to sameness or your original emotional, psychological, physical, and intellectual default settings described above !
Revenge
Have you ever or are you experiencing hyper micro aggression from colleagues, Comrades, Siblings, spouse, lovers, neighbours or strangers who play dirty?
Are you the target of malicious attacks , constant undermining, sexist slurs, racialized infantalization or false allegations ?
Do you feel tempted to hit back, Revenge or simply return the favour by being equally nasty, sneaky and malicious? I suggest that you leave it be. Don’t let other people’s issues become your issues or to alter your character and vibe . Why though ?
I think that revenge is overrated! Some people’s character and personality flaws are the greatest revenge against themselves. They don’t need you to do anything. They will throw themselves over professional, social, political, and spiritual cliffs because they play dirty.
Play your game according to your rules, do you !
IMMENSE TALENT, INSTABILITY AND GRAND DECEPTION OFTEN COHABIT
Have you ever wondered why authenticity is often under valued, overlooked and overtaken by fakeness and cut-and-paste wokeness? Why being genuine, honest, thorough and truthful seems not to pay-off in social, political, economic, business, work, family, personal and spiritual relationships?
Here are my five (5) explanations:-
HUMANS ARE DRAWN TO FAKENESS, WOKENESS, MAGIC AND CELEBRITY !
It starts with all the fairy tales and magic you tell or let your children read in children’s books or watch in cartoons. By the time their consciousness fully forms, the receptacles for deception, self delusion, fanciful fantasies and magic are long solidified. For some you add romance novels, sci-fi fiction and comic books. Yes these stimulate imagination, and entertain, but they also set a subconscious foundation for adult logic, emotional make-up and life expectations! It all sinks into something or somewhere? Add to this human body, mind and soul all kinds of religious instruction and social myths and then teach them sciences ( i.e. physical and social) on top of the childhood magic, comics, cartoons, video games,and playstation base? It is a “gango”, mixed masala or wonderful mixed dish of okra dried fish, goat meat, cow heel and pepper 🌶.
This is why human beings love the gloss, the shine, instant gratification, mushy stuff, stuff that affirms their stupidity, comforts them in their errant ways, strokes their egos, lies to and lulls them into self-destruction or simply star appeal. Strip all pretense and euphemisms and say it like it is, we are drawn to what we have been socialised into and have embraced or become, not what we think we are or want to be known as ! Bad boys and girls, hideous characters, hypocrites, liars, users, whiners, egolomaniacs and you can go on and on !
We are drawn to magic, celebrity, star power, deception and romanticism. We love complexity, sophistication, finese, panache or that certain ‘something something’! We hopelessly poor at judging our own characters let alone other people’s!
There you have it , you now know why a lover left you, or your employee quit, or your employer dumped you for a fake or why your church members have moved enmasse to a less authentic alternative or why your album, books or movies are not selling as fast as the inauthentic ones.
ULTIMATELY, YOUR TRUE CHARACTER EATS UP PERSONAL SUCCESS, FALSE PR IMAGE AND BRAND
In the last 25 years I have seen fiery, eloquent, smart and popular personalities arise and take moments, movements, monuments, public imagination, media, arts and culture, academia, business sector, religious or faith sector – and even Nations by storm. As you may have guessed, very few have lasted! Ultimately their true character flaws and lack of genuine values fully devoured their success, public image, profile and personal brand!
GREAT TALENT AND INSTABILITY ARE OFTEN LIKE SIAMESE TWINS
As always, there are some averagely talented folks of average intelligence and average looks that carry this “Wanted Boy or Wanted Girl syndrome”. Some even torment society and social media with all sorts of self-promotional posts and images. You know what, if you have to over market or advertise something, maybe it ain’t good enough. I am not talking about these types of blood and sweat hustlers for love and attention. Although it is worth noting that they too deceive through effort and toil !
My focus is on my experience observing for over two decades, folks that are or were insanely talented, good looking, brainy, eloquent, creative, attractive and etcetera. Some were fiercely competitive and insecure bordering on malice. Others were inexorably narcissistic bordering on self-worship. And yet others were compulsive liars and social fraudsters or political conman. Very colorful, shiny, audacious, always pulling everyone else down. Granted amongst these immensely talented folks, there were a few who are – or were – embarrassingly humble. Corporate, Church, Mosques and political culture gave these individuals words of angelic humility that never seemed to filter through to their true characters and personalities. The distance between what they say and what they actually do ( other than for the Cameras and public applause) is like that between earth and the moon. Integrity is zero or minus something. Sadly though, their lieutenants, lovers, fans, followers, family, handlers and friends always cover-up for them. This constant social, political, economic or spiritual diaper changes by the faithful and loyal does not help to change them for the better! In the end, they fall, die or implode still insanely talented and yet unbelievably unstable!
EASILY BELIEVABLE SOCIAL, ECONOMIC AND POLITICAL FRAUDSTERS/CONMAN – Yet Abandoned and Neglected !
You can almost- in part- explain your heartbreaks, disappointments, business losses, spiritual fatigue, social exhaustion political aparthy and family burn-out by reference to one or two social, economic or political conman/fraudsters.
The common trend amongst all these social, economic and political fraudsters/conman is that they were insanely talented and easily believable. You see my friend, instability, deception and talent often cohabit ! But also common amongst these is the fact that they all sadly have a very pitiable end. Their true characters eat their brand and sometimes totally destroy them physically and emotionally. These men and eonen seem to have it all, to be desired and adored by everyone and yet have long lost their souls and the peace in Self. Publicly loved but rejected by self. Publicly contented and yet psychologically and emotionally tormented. Celebrities are unbelievably fragile, insecure and lonely. It is not drugs , alcohol or crime that destroys them – it is neglect of their cry for help by a world that constantly searches for human gods, magic, wokeness and magic !
AFRAID AND FEARFUL SOULS :Mediocrity and insecurity often cherishes exclusive limelight
You can judge any man or woman’s character by how they handle failure, rejection, exclusion, exhaustion and obscurity. Rather, by how they relate to superior talent, skill, experience or knowledge or indifference. Mediocrity and insecurity often cherishes exclusive limelight.
When anything or anyone else appears who shows any form of talent, skill or seems to draw public admiration, the instinctive or default position of mediocrity is four-fold :-
Conscript or align with, so that the glory is shared ‘the he or she is my pip’s ‘ mythology
Compete and outwit the new or old competition ‘the I am the best of the best delusion’
Decampaign, malign, eliminate and smear the competition ‘the I am good and he or she is toxic deception’
Accuse the competition of copying you or stealing your ideas etc ‘the I am the only bank of social, economic and political ideas delusion’
Ultimately, even after reading this long post you still have to choose who to love, to be with, to employ, to befriend, to appoint, to vote for, to read, to follow and I bet you ; you would rather have magic and wokeness any day, no matter how fraudulent and deceptive right?
Conclusion of the whole matter is that you are the real problem my friend, you !
The path to Leadership or Success
There is no linear, painless, tests less, path to leadership or success.
There is a lot of microwaved truth-sounding, money-making, profile-building and hyper Individualistic stuff about success and leadership out there. Its disciples are growing by the minute as the world searches for short-cuts to Elitism, Status and Leisure!
Let me save you the pain by just assuring you that reality doesn’t and will not consult your motivational speaker or favourite book. Depending on who you’re leading and where they are situated in life, you will soon discover that they most likely do not conform to your neat book typologies and formulas. People are people and spectacularly unique. Deal with who or what you have and don’t be detained in the brilliant books that you have read or their formula
HISTORY OF PAIN : The Limits of Memory and Imagination
But as you all know, History & Her-Story is pregnant with memories of greatness (real or imagined) as well as hurt, grievance and injustice. The opportunity to live your future on the basis of yesterday’s memories is an everyday struggle. Today we create memories for the future. What are they? The tendency to create unidirectional constructs of good and bad, success and failure, oppression, discrimination and dispossession are endless. We barely look our own oppressive, exclusionary and discriminatory tendencies in the eye. Injustice is only real and legitimate to us if done against us or our friends. But even the meaning of “US” is limited and narrow . Hence class, ethnicity, sexism, caste and colorism.
MYTH OF LINEAR PATHS & FORMULA
You will never walk to your future in a straight line. If you fly there will be layovers and alternative routes . If you drive there will be traffic jams, road diversions and roadblocks. If you walk, the road will wind some, become hilly, cross rivers and broken bridges.
Leadership is not all glory and gloss. There is pain, loneliness, uncertainty, resistance, irrationality, betrayal and disappointment by others and by yourself. You cannot escape this even if you prayed 24/7, did Yoga and followed 100% the myths, examples or formula contained in religious, motivational and Leadership Books’ steps to success
SWEETNESS AND EMPATHY will not take away the MESSINESS of REALITY
You must understand from the onset – or wherever you might be situated in your leadership journey that your being as sweet as chocolate or candy does not change the fact that all leadership(and yours too) is refined in a crucible (a place of great pressure, heat, testing and trial). Your being thorough, methodical, empathetic and inclusive will not remove the inescapable messiness of reality and the realness of people and their issues, prejudices, biases, assumptions and personalities.
THE LEADERSHIP JOURNEY IS AS PERSONAL AS ARE SCHOOL EXAMINATIONS AND MEDICAL TESTS/TREATMENT
The same way that no-one else, no matter how much they loved and adored you – could sit for your school and university exams for you or take your injections… nobody can take your Leadership tests, trials, persecution and tribulations for you. You can be very close to the owner of the company or the boss of bosses, but they too have their very personal tests, trials and tribulations of Leadership. Your closeness to power doesn’t insulate you from having to go through your go throughs of the leadership journey. Even if the University Principal were your mother and the doctor your father or lover, that doesn’t exempt you from having to sit for and pass exams or do required medical tests. No relationship, connection, quality or character can exempt you from going through the leadership journey and its pains and joys
Prepare yourselves thoroughly for the pain and joy that comes before glory !
We are now ELDERS
COVID-19, Cancer, HIV/Aids, Old Age, accidents and the cruel hand of death constantly interrupt the perfect plans of life, love, joy and happiness! Death – as our Ancestors say – is never satisfied. It takes indiscriminately from infant to octogenarian, rich and poor, beautiful and wise along with the evil, ugly and foolish!
We Have Lost Treasure
Over the last 8 years we have lost many icons and loved ones. We didn’t fully write their stories nor celebrate them enough. We like auto mons, kept moving not sure where we were headed to, but we feared the very possibility of stopping to fully reflect on our losses. All fields of Human endeavour are hemorrhaging: Arts and culture, science and tech, engineers, doctors ,nurses, teachers, lawyers, social scientists , entrepreneurs, faith and traditional leaders, beauty queens and politicians – all gone for good!
Where are they going to and why in such a hurry and in such big numbers? Will we ever see them again? Was their work on earth fully accomplished? We didn’t get to write their heroic stories in their own words before they left us. They didn’t bid us farewell? We never thought that they would leave. We hoped that they would live in perpetuity. Reality only dawned on us each time we had to pen the acronyms of resignation #MHSRIP #RIP. Maybe they are resting, but are we? If they have gone to a happier place, have they left us in a mess with neither social, cultural, economic, political nor spiritual compass (GPS) ? Still, we didn’t have the hand-over dialogues and they too didn’t write? They left us to figure stuff out!
Our Heroes and Icons
This morning when I heard that another Icon had passed on or passed away, my sister said to me “another library has been destroyed” before we downloaded its contents in full. Well, our icons didn’t die empty and we did not remain full either.
When our heroes and heroines – our icons are interpreted by others who don’t understand fully the local context, nuances, humour, expressions, customs, traditions and rituals a lot is lost, distorted or simply unrecognisable in their stories.
You see eghhhh, every one that tells a story does so from their class and cultural vantage point. So our heroes are interpreted to us by others and it is the only version that we have of who they are and by implication, who we are?
We Didn’t Learn, Show us the Way!
We didn’t learn our totems in full. We cannot remember our genealogies either?We didn’t learn our own languages nor do we remember our Proverbs/ wise sayings ?We have no clue about our healing herbs nor the poisonous ones ? We live in concrete jungles full of fumes and far away from the bones and landmarks of our forebears. We are alienated from our very beings, our identity, our culture and we lack native Intelligence. Alas ! We’re now the Elders!
Our Own Elders are gone. Gone are the logistic Ian’s, the Masters of Ceremonies at all family events. Those that solved insoluble family disputes, the unifiers, the peace-builders, the glue that held us intact, the holders of ancient knowledge and wisdom are gone. They are gone, emptied from all our Nations, our neighborhoods, places of worship, the planting fields, the forests, lakes, oceans and other work spaces. In our families, clans and villages the Elders have fallen by the dozens. The iconic professors, Story Tellers, wise sages, medicine men and women, grand Dads and Grand Mothers, aunties and uncles, fathers and mothers too! We, the children, are now the Elders! Who will show us the ways of our people? What do we know in order to show the next generation? We read the books but we never learnt the art of what it means to be ourselves!
We Mastered the Ways of Others , Not Our Own ?
We were busy living on social medium and the urban vibe, the white man’s way, the modern way. We all hardly learned how to do our ways. The Elders always did it on our behalf. No, we didn’t learn anything about how our people process culturally and in terms our customs important events such as birth, traditional weddings, death or anything about our traditional food systems. We saw and heard but understood not. We are now the Elders. What will we teach the next generation? We know nothing and yet we are highly educated and well-spoken ?
Foreign Love and Romance
We express love, pain, joy and surprise not just in a foreign language but using foreign symbols, gestures & expressions ? We believed the lie that our people had no history, culture, science, philosophy nor sense of love and romance ?
Nuggets to start 2022
The seeds for the destruction of any conspiracy based on prejudice, greed, dishonesty or malice reside in the conspiracy itself.
When the coconspirators fallout, you will all get to hear about the hidden machinations. You see, unsolicited hatred, sabotage or malice doesn’t have loyalty in its DNA /nature. Allegiance shifts with perceived personal benefit, privilege and positionality. Isn’t it amazing how much effort , time and pettiness people invest in slanderous behaviour driven by rumours and anecdotes or plain lies ?
Don’t be part of useless plots and machinations. Don’t make it your vocation to fight any person (no matter how unlikeable, hypocritical, slimy or treacherous). Such people have their fans, admirers and friends.
Remember that life doesn’t reward people based only on your wishes, judgment, assessments and instructions. Some people that you can’t stand, who are mediocre, fake and whom you think don’t deserve certain things will succeed and flourish much against your estimation of them or sense of fairness , justice and worthiness.
Some will even do better than your authentic and excellent self O ! Life isn’t a whip in your hand. It is a force or wind around you. You experience it differently from the next person and you don’t control it!
Don’t always use absence and presence to judge intention, motives, loyalty and commitment. Judas was there all the time until the very end. Sometimes presence is subterfuge, pretense, surveillance and deception. Not all absence is boycott, lack of care and commitment. Some absence is abusive and indicates lost connection. But some presence is toxic, divisive and abusive. Appreciate the power of both absence and presence.
Whatever you do, learn when you’re not priority in your friends, workmates, schoolmates’ lives. Distinguish between: being the convenient or ever-present fall-back position( i.e. for free help, money, tasks, companionship, etc) the afterthought, the nuisance factor, the pitied other, the suspect or tolerated one and being the needed, wanted and/or appreciated person /friend/colleague/Comrade!
In 2022 do not play any of these roles, move on quickly! Be where you’re needed, appreciated, wanted and fulfilled. Beware of your co-dependency with things, spaces, processes and persons that diminish you, your value, self-esteem, happiness or dignity!
How to test your leadership insecurities
When you are a leader, you can test your levels of insecurity, Intolerance and dictatorial tendencies using the following:-
How you handle criticism (justified or unjustified) from and by younger people, juniors/subordinates/peers? Do you react to the person or the issue?
When your position, advice or arguments fail to carry the day (win or prevail) do you support the collective/team position? Do you sulk, throw your toys or walk out?
How do you fare when the role to lead on something that you are good at or feel that you are best placed to lead on is assigned to someone else ?
What is your capacity and ability to listen to divergent views and to process uncomplementary data/information?
How do you treat peers and subordinates who don’t think highly of you or those that always question your character, motives and competencies?
If your own answers to the above questions point to discomfort, grave sensitivity, ego or intolerance, you have a problem deal with it ruthlessly and efficiently!
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